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                    <text>JEMMY
OP

AND

NANCY

Y A R M O U T H ;
OR THE

CONSTANT

LOVERS-

A

TRAGICAL

BALLAD.

GLASGOW:
? PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.

3

�JEMMY AND NANCY OF YARMOUTH.
Lovers, I pray, lend an ear to my story,
Take an example by this constant pair;
How love a young woman did blast in her glory—
Beautiful Nancy of Yarmouth, we hear.
She was a merchant s only daugnter,
Heir unto fifteen hundred a year ;
A young man who courted her call'd her his jewel,
The son of a gentleman who lived near.
Many long years the fair maid he admir'd,
When they were infants in love they agreed:
And when at age this young couple arriv'd,
Cupid an arrow between them display'd.
Their tender hearts were linked together—
But when her parents the same they did hear,
They to their charming young beautiful daughter
Acted a part that was hard and severe.
Daughter they said give o'er your proceeding;
If that against our consent you do wed,
For evermore we resolve to disown you,
If you wed with one that is so mean bred.
Her mother said, You have a great fortune,
Besides you are beautiful, charming, and young,
You are a match, dear child, that is fitting
For any lord that is in Christendom.
Then did reply the young beautiful virgin,
Riches and honour I both do defy,
If that I am denied of my dearest lover,
Then farewell world! which is all vanity.

�3

fj

Then said her father, 'Tis m j resolution,
Although I have no more daughters but thee,
Jf that with him you resolve for to marry,
Banish'd for ever from me thou shalt be.
Well, cruel father, but this I desire,
Grant me that Jemmy once more I may see,
Though you do us part, I still will be loyal.
For none in the world I admire but he.

I

j
n

u
II l

For the young man he sent in a passion,
Saying, For ever, sir, now take your leave ;
I have a match more fit for my daughter,
Therefore it is but a folly to grieve.
Honoured father, then said the young lady,
Promis'd we are by the powers above ;
Why of all comforts will you bereave me,
Our love is fix'd never to be remov'd.
Then said her father, A trip to the ocean,
You first shall go in a ship of my own,
And I'll consent you shall have my daughter,
When to Yarmouth again you return.
Honoured sir, then said the two lovers,
Since 'tis your will we are bound to obey,
Our constant hearts can never be parted,
But our eager desires no longer can stay.
Then said kind Nancy, Behold, dearest Jemmy,
Here take this ring, the pledge of our vows,
And with it my heart, keep it safe in your bosom,
Carry it with you wherever you go.
Then in his arms he close did enfold her,
While crystal tears like a fountain did flow ;

�4
Crying, My heart in return I do give you,
And you shall be present wherever I go.
When on the ocean, my dear, I am sailing,
The thoughts of my jewel the compass shall steer
These tedious long days time soon will devour,
And bring me home again safe to my dear.
Therefore be constant, my dear lovely jewel,
For by the Heavens ! if you are untrue,
My troubled ghost shall torment you for ey.qj, Dead or alive I will have none but you.
Her lovely arms round his neck then she twined,
And saying, My dear when you are on the seas.
If the fates unto us should prove cruel,
That we each other no more ever see ;
No man alive shall ever enjoy me—
Soon as the tidings of death reach my ear,
Then like a poor unfortunate lover,
Down to the grave I will go with my dear.
Then with a sorrowful sigh lie departed,
The wind next morning blew a pleasant gale ;
All things being ready, the fam'd Mary Gailey
Then for Barbadoes she straightway set sail.
Jemmy was floating upon the wide ocean,
And her cruel parents were plotting the while,
How that the heart of their beautiful daughter,
With cursed gold should strive tp beguile.
Many a lord of fame, birth, and breeding,
Came to court this young beautiful maid ;
But their rich presents and proffers she slighted,
Constant I'll be to my jewel, she said.

�5
Young Jemmy was comely in every feature,
A Barbadoes Lady whose fortune was great,
So fix'd her eyes that she cried, If I have not
This brave English sailor I die for his sake.
She dressed herself in gallant attire,
With costly diamonds she plaited her hair,
And a hundred slaves well dressed to attend her,
She sent for this young man to come to her.
Come nobis sailor, she cried, can you fancy
A lady whose riches are very great
hundred slaves you shall have to attend you;
And music to charm you in your silent sleep.
.In robes of gold, my dear, I will deck you,
Pearls and rich jewels I'll lay at your feet,
In a chariot of gold you shall ride for your pleasure,
If you can fancy me answer me straight.
Amazed with wonder a while he stood gazing,
Forbear noble lady, at length, he replied,
In flourishing England I've vow'd to a lady,
At my return for to make her my bride.
She is a charming young beautiful creaturp,
She has my heart and I can love no more;
I bear in my eye her sweet lovely feature,
No other creature in earth I'll adore.
Hearing of this, she did rave in distraction,
Crying, Unfortunate niaid thus to love,
One that does basely slight all my glory,
And of my person he will not- approve.
Lords of renown I their favours have slighted,
Now I must dje.for a sailor so bold:

�G
I must not blame him because he is constant,
True love I know is far better than gold.
A costly jewel she instantly gave him,
Then in her trembling hand took a knife,
One fatal stroke before they could save her,
Quickly did put an end to her life.
Great lamentation was made for this lady—
Jemmy on board the ship he did steer ;
And then to England he homeward came sailing
With a longing desire to meet with his dear.
But when her father found he was returning,
A letter he wrote to the boatswain his friend,
Saying a handsome reward 1 will give you,
If you the life of young Jemmy will end.
Void of all grace and for sake of the money,
The cruel boatswain the same did complete,
As they on the deck were lovingly walking,
He suddenly tumbled him into the deep.
In dead of the night when all were asleep,
His troubled ghost to his love did appear,
Crying, Arise you beautiful Nancy,
Perform the vow you made to your dear.
She cried, Who is there under my window ?
Surely it is the voice of my dear :
Lifting her head off her downy pillow,
Straight to the casement she then did repair.
By light of the moon which brightly was shining,
She espied her lover who to her did say,
Your parents are sleeping, before they awaken,
Stir my dear creature and straight come away.

�7
Jemmy, she cried, if my father should hear thee,
We sliall be ruin'd, pray therefore repair,
At the sea-side I will instantly meet you,
With my two maids I will come to thee there.
Her night-gown embroider'd with gold and silver,
Carelessly round her body she throws,
With the two maidens v/ho did attend her,
To meet her true love she instantly goes.
Close in his arms the spirit did enfold her,
Jemmy, she said, you are colder than clay ;
Sure you can never be the man I admire,
Paler than death you appear unto me.
Yes, fair creature, I am your true lover,
Dead or alive you know you are mine :
I come for my vow, my dear, you must follow
My body now to a cold watery tomb.
I for your sake refus'd gold and silver,
Beauty and riches for you I despis'd,
A charming young lady for me did expire,
For, thinking of you, I was deaf to her cries.
Your cruel parents iiave been my undoing,
And I do sleep in a watery tomb,
Now for your promise, my dear, I am sueing,
Dead or alive, love, you are my own.
The trembling lady was sorely affrighted.
Amazed she stood near the brink of the sea,
With eyes lift to heaven she cried, Cruel parents,
Heaven requite you for your cruelty.
Indeed I promis'd, my dearest creature,
Dead or alive I would be his own ;

�8
Now to perform my solemn Y W I am ready,
O
And to follow him to his watery tomb.
The maids they heai'd the sad lamentation,
But the apparition indeed could not see;
Thinking the lady was fallen into distraction,
They strove to persuade her contented to be.
'
H •.! •
But still she cried, My dear I am coming,
And in thy bosom I'll sooii fall asleep ;
When she had spoke, this unfortunate lady
Suddenly plung'd herself into the deep.
But when to her father the maids told the,matter,
He wrung his hands, crying, What have I done,?
O h ! dearest child it was thy cruel father
That did provide thee a watery tomb
Two or three days then being expir'd,
These two unfortunate lovers were seen,
In each other's arni^^hey together were floating,
By the side of a ship on the watery main.
The cruel boatswain was stricken with horror,
Straight did confess the sad deed he had done-—
Shewing the letter that came from her father,
Which was the cause of.these true lovers' doom.
On board the ship he was tried for the murder,
A t the yard's arm Was hang'd for the same,
Her father he soon broke his heart for his daughter^
Before the ship into the harbour then came.
The cursed gold has caused destruction,
W h y should the rich covet after gain ?
I hope this story it will be a warning;;
That cruel parents may ne'er do the same.

�</text>
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                <text>The subject of this ballad is parental opposition to the lovers, Jemmy and Nancy. Returning to England from a forced voyage to Barbados, Jemmy is pushed overboard by a fellow crewman on instructions from Nancy’s father. His ghost appears to Nancy, who throws herself into the sea; the boatswain is hanged and the father dies of a broken heart. Despite his death of a broken heart, the father neither repents of his action nor recognizes his actions as sinful.</text>
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                    <text>NEW AND IMPROVED
No. 48.

SERIES,

HISTORY OF THE

SLEEPING
IN

THE

BEAUTY
WOOD.

GLASGOW:
PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.
1852.
Price One Penny.

��THE HISTORY
OF

THE

SLEEPING
IN

THE

BEAUTY

WOOD.

Once upon a time there lived a king and queen who
had no children, which made them very unhappy
indeed. Hoping, by some means or other, to have an
heir, they went to consult all the fairies they could hear
o f ; vows, pilgrimages, every thing was tried, but without
success.
A t length, however, news was proclaimed that the
queen was going to have a child, and soon after she was
brought to bed of a princess. The christening was the
most sumptuous imaginable; and seven fairies, being
all that could be found in the country,were appointed to
be her godmothers, so that each of them might bestow
upon her a gift, as was the. custom in those days; B y
these means the princess had every possible perfection.
When the ceremonies of the. baptism were over, all
the company returned to the king's palace, where the
most costly entertainment was prepared for the fairies ;
before each of them was set a magnificent cover, with a
case of massy gold, which contained a knife, a fork, and
a spoon, set with diamonds and .rubies, and all of the
most curious workmanship.
As the company were going to place themselves at
the table, an old fairy, who for more than fifty years
had not left the tower she inhabited, and was believed
to be either dead or enchanted, and on that account had
not been invited to the christening, entered the room.
The king immediately ordered a seat to be brought for
her, and also a cover ; but it could not be of massy gold,
because only seven had been made, being one each for
the seven fairies.
The old fairy, seeing that her cover was not more

�4
than half so magnificent as those of her sister-fairies,
thought that the king had slighted her, and muttered
between her teeth that she would be revenged.

One of the young fairies who sat next her, and caught
the sounds that fell from her, fearing that she might
bestow on the infant princess some unlucky gift, on
leaving the table, went and bid herself behind the
window-curtains, so that she might speak last, and thus
repair as much as possible the injury intended by the
old fairy.
In the meantime, the fairies began to make their
donations to the young princess. The first gave her for
a gift, that she should be the most beautiful lady in all
the world,—the next that she should have the wit of an
angel,—the third, that she should do every thing she
undertook with the most enchanting grace,—the fourth,
that she should dance so as to delight every beholder,—
the fifth, that she should sing like a nightingale,—the
sixth, that she should play perfectly well on all sorts of
musical instruments.
It being the old fairy's turn to speak next, she came
forward shaking with spite, and said,—"The gift I
bestow on the princess shall be, that she shall pierce her
hand with a spindle, and die of the wound."
This terrible gift made the whole assembly tremble,
and every one but the old fairy fell to crying violently.
Just at this instant, the young fairy came out from
behind the window curtains, and in a distinct voice pro-

�5
pronounced the following w o r d s : — D o not, O king a n d
queen, thus deeply afflict yourselves ; the princess shall
not die of the wound ; for though I have not the power

wholly to prevent what an older fairy than I has decreed,
I can, however, make her gift prove less injurious to the
princess ; accordingly, your daughter shall pierce her
hand with a spindle ; but instead of dying of the wound,
she shall only fall into a deep sleep, which shall continue
for one hundred years, at the end of which time she
shall be awakened by a young prince."
The king, thinking to avoid so terrible a misfortune,
had it everywhere proclaimed, that no person, on pain
of death, should spin with a spindle, or even keep one
in their house.
About sixteen years after this, the king and queen
being at one of their palaces in the country, it happened
that the young princess was one day running from room
to room to amuse herself; she at length found her way
to a small apartment at the top of a tower, in which an
old woman sat spinning with a spindle (for the poor old
creature had never heard of the proclamation that had
been made against spindles.)
" W h a t are you doing, Goody?" said the princess; " I
am spinning, my pretty lady," replied the old woman,
who did not know to whom she was speaking. " Ah !
how I should like to do such pretty w o r k ! " continued
the princess,—" Pray let me try." She had no sooner
taken the spindle in her hand than, being very sprightly

�6
and thoughtless, she ran the point of it into her hand,
and instantly fell down in a sound sleep. The old

woman being greatly frightened, and at a loss what to do,
called out for help. Several persons immediately ran
to her assistance; they threw cold water on the
princess's face, cut the lace of her stays, rubbed her hands
and temples with Hungary water,—-but all to no
purpose, for she remained fast asleep.
In the meanwhile the king had heard the news, and
hastened to the old woman's apartment; but, recollecting

the gift that had been made her, he very properly
resolved to bear the misfortune with patience, since he
could not overcome the will of a fairy. Accordingly
the king ordered her to be carried to the most sumptuous

�7
ous apartment in the palace, and laid on a Led made of
the richest velvet, and ornamented with gold and silver.
The princess, in this situation, appeared so beautiful
that she might have been taken for an angel, for the

deep sleep into which she had fallen did not the least
injury to her fine complexion; her cheeks still resembled
the most delicate roses, and her lips the finest coral ever
seen; the only difference being, that her eyes, which
sparkled like diamonds, were now covered by the lids.
She breathed so softly, that they were quite sure she
was not dead; and the king commanded that no one
should attempt to disturb her repose.
The kind fairy who had saved her life by thus
condemning
her to sleep a hundred years, was in the kingdom
of Matakin, at a distance of twelve thousand
leagues, when the accident happened to the princess;
the news of it, however, was carried to her in a short time,
by a dwarf who was her friend, and who used his seven
leagued boots for the purpose ; that is, boots with which
he could stride over seven leagues of ground at once.
The fairy immediately set off, and in less than an
hour, descended in a fiery chariot, drawn by dragons,
in the outer-yard of the palace. The king hastened to
welcome and assist her in getting out of the chariot, and
then related what had happened.
The fairy approved of all the king had done ; but
having a great deal of foresight, she remarked to him,
that the princess, on awaking, would be extremely ter-

�8
terrified to find herself alone in so old and gloomy a palace.
After thinking a few minutes what could possibly be

done to remedy this inconvenience, she soon hit upon an
expedient; she touched all the persons in the palace,
except the king and queen, with her wand; maids of
honour, governesses, waiting-women, gentlemen ushers,
grooms of the bed-chamber, lords in waiting, stewards,
cooks, scullions, guards, pages, and footmen, were all
thrown into a sleep as sound as that of the princess.
She touched also with her wand all the horses in the
stables, all the grooms, all the dogs in the stable-yard,
and even little Bichon, the princess's favourite lap-dog,
who lay on the bed by her side : all fell fast asleep, till
the time should arrive for the princess to awake, when
they would be ready at a moment's warning to wait
upon her. Even the very spits, and the partridges and
pheasants that were roasting on them, together with
the fire, were all laid asleep; and all this was concluded
in a moment—for fairies are never long in performing
their feats.
The king and queen, after embracing their daughter
tenderly, without awaking her, left the palace; and
made a proclamation, that no one, on pain of death,
should dare approach her. The king might, however,
have saved himself this trouble: for in a quarter of an
hour there sprang up round the palace a vast number
of trees of all sorts and sizes, bushes and brambles, all
twining one in the other, that neither man nor beast

�9
could have made a passage through them. Indeed,
nothing hut the turrets of the palace were to be seen
above the thick wood formed by the trees, and even
these only at a great distance. The fairy in this, no
doubt, employed the whole skill of her art, to preserve
the princess, during her long sleep, from the observation
of the curious.
At the end of the hundred years, the son of a reigning
king, who was of a different family from that of the
sleeping princess, happened to pass near the palace as
he was hunting, and asked his attendants to whom the
turrets and the wood belonged. They each answered
him agreeably to what he had heard of the place.
Some of them said, it was an old castle that was haunted
by ghosts; others, that all the witches in the country
assembled in it to hold their nightly meetings ; but the
most common opinion was that it was inhabited by an
ogre, who retired within its walls to devour all the
children he ran away with, where he could eat them
without fear of pursuit, since no one but himself could
get through the wood; when an old peasant approached
him and said,— " May it please your royal highness, I

was told more than fifty years ago, by my father, who
heard it from my grandfather, that there was concealed
in this palace a princess of most exquisite beauty, who
was condemned by a fairy to sleep a hundred years, and
was then to be awakened by the son of a king, who was
to be her husband."

�10
The young prince listened eagerly to this discourse,
and thought he must be the prince intended by the
fairy to awake her; and, hurried on by gallantry and
love, he resolved on entering the palace.
Scarcely had he reached the wood, before the trees,
the bushes, and the brambles, separated of themselves
to let him pass. He proceeded towards the palace,
which he perceived at the end of a long avenue, and
soon entered it. But what did not a little surprise him
was, that none of his attendants had been able to follow
him ; for the trees, bushes, and brambles, again
entwined
with each other as soon as he had passed through
them. Notwithstanding this, he pursued his way to the
palace ; for a young prince in love is always valiant.
He entered a spacious court, where every thing he
saw might have terrified the stoutest heart in the world.
All the men and animals that had been laid asleep were
stretched on the ground, and appeared as if they were
dead, and there was a dreadful silence through all the

palace. After a little time, however, he perceived, by
the red faces of the men-servants, that they were only
asleep ; and as there was still some beer left in the bottom
of their cups, he saw plainly that they had fallen
asleep while drinking.
The prince next went through a large court paved
with marble, which led to a staircase: this he ascended,
and came to the chamber of the guards, who were all
standing in ranks with their muskets on their shoulders,

�11
and snoring with all their might. He continued his
way through several other apartments, which were filled
with ladies and gentlemen, some sitting, some standing,
but all fast asleep.
A t length he came to an apartment gilded all over
with gold, in which was a magnificent bed, with the

curtains drawn back, and a young lady about sixteen
years of ago, more beautiful than any one he had ever
seen. After gazing upon her With the greatest delight
for a few minutes, he could not help falling upon his
knees to her as if she had been awake.
The enchantment of the fairy being thus ended, the
princess opened her eyes, and casting them on the
prince with a look of more tenderness than is common
at first sight,—-"Is it you, my prince?" said she; " H o w
long you have made me wait for y o u ! "
The prince, delighted at these words, and still more
at the sweet tone of voice in which she pronounced
them, was at a loss how to express his gratitude and.
joy. He assured her that he loved her better than he
did himself; and this, with many other expressions of
the same kind, he repeated a thousand and a thousand
times.
The princess on her part was by no means backward;
for, though history mentions no such thing, yet we may
very well suppose that her good friend the fairy caused
her during her long sleep to have the most agreeable
dreams.
In short, they talked for more than four
hours together, without saying half of what they wished.

�12
" W h a t happiness, beautiful princess!" said the
prince, looking at her with the greatest tenderness
imaginable,—"what happiness, to be able to do you

such a service, to see you smile so sweetly, and to bo
thus rewarded by your love !—to think that the most
powerful prince upon the earth could not have
performed what I have done, in breaking the cruel enchantment
that condemned you to sleep so long!"
" Ah ! dear prince," replied she, " I feel that we were
made for each other. It was you I saw ; it was you
who were my companion ; and during my long sleep I
thought of no one but you.
I knew very well that
he that should end my enchantment would be the
handsomest of men, that he would love me more than
himself, and the moment I cast my eyes upon you I
knew you perfectly."

�13
In the meanwhile all the attendants who had been
asleep the same time as the princess, were awaked, and
had set about their business ; but as they were not,
like the princess, in love, they found themselves
extremely hungry, for it was very long since they had
eaten any thing. The first maid of honour, who was as
sharp set as the rest, even ventured to tell the princess,
without any ceremony, that the dinner was served.
The prince then assisted the princess to rise. She
was ready dressed, and in the most magnificent clothes
imaginable ; but he took great care not to tell her that
they were like those of his great-grandmother, and that
she had a ruff round her neck, which, however, did not
in the least diminish her beauty.
He took her hand, and conducted her to the room in
which the dinner was served ; as soon as they had seated
themselves at table, the musicians, who were in readiness
with their instruments, began to play some airs, which,
though they were out of fashion, were nevertheless
extremely agreeable.
The prince and princess passed the evening delighted
with each other's company, and as a long courtship was
not necessary, they agreed to be married that very night.
The lord almoner was consulted, and he consented to
perform the ceremony, provided the chapel could be got

ready (for it was very dusty, and full of cobwebs.)
There were plenty of hands willing to be employed on

�14
such an occasion, so that the chapel was soon swept, the
crimson velvet hangings neatly brushed, and the books
nicely dusted.
When all was ready, my lord almoner led the way in
his canonical robes, with his mitre on his head, and
preceded by half a dozen servants in the richest liveries
that can be imagined, bearing each a lighted torch,—
then followed six beautiful boys in white surplices, with
censers in their hands, perfuming the air with the most
aromatic sweets,—after them followed the prince and
princess, hand in hand ; they walked in silence, but the
delight which sparkled in their eyes showed how well
pleased they were,—next followed the maids of honour,
the gentlemen and ladies of the bed-chamber, the lords
in waiting, and in short the whole court. They were
all magnificently dressed, but, as you may suppose, their
clothes were rather old-fashioned. So soon as the ceremony
was performed, they returned to a magnificent
banquet where the company enjoyed themselves to a
very late hour.
The next morning, the prince reflected that he had
been guilty of a very groat fault in marrying without
having previously asked the consent of his parents;
he was in great perplexity how he should get over this
reprehensible act of disobedience, and at last concluded
that he would say nothing about it, until a favourable
opportunity offered ; not but what he could readily have
obtained the pardon of the king his father, who was a
very good and benevolent man, but the queen his
mother was descended from the race of cannibal giants
called Ogres ; and though some generations had passed,
she still retained their horrid inclinations, and had all
the difficulty in the world, when she saw little children
pass to refrain from falling on them, and eating them up.
The prince, therefore, resolved not to say one word at
home of his marriage, and took the opportunity, under
pretence of hunting, to visit his beautiful princess three
or four times a-week. Ho lived in this way some years,
and had in that time two children ; the eldest of which,
who was a daughter, was named MORNING, and the
youngest, who was a son, they called DAY, because he
was much handsomer and more beautiful than his sister.

�15
The queen suspecting that those frequent huntings,
at all seasons, was only a pretence to colour some other
engagements, had the prince watched, and found that
he always left his party when he came to the wood,
and retired into i t ; she therefore resolved, the very first
opportunity she had, to unriddle the mystery.
An
opportunity soon offered—for the emperor Cantalabutte
having declared war against the king, the prince was
appointed generalissimo, and went at the head of the
army to defend the kingdom against this powerful
adversary.
The queen, as soon as the prince was departed, lost
no time in going to the wood, entered it,-—and soon
arrived
at the castle, and, pretending to be much fatigued,
asked leave to rest herself, which the young princess
not only readily granted, but ordered refreshments to
be set before her. The queen made herself known, and
the princess, in the height of her surprise, could not
help exclaiming,—" What! the mother of my prince, of
my adored husband ? " An explanation soon ensued.
The queen then asked to see the children, which were
brought to her. Their beautiful white skins and tender
years made the Ogreish queen's mouth to water and
eyes to twinkle, and it was with much ado she refrained
from giving them a bite, when she took them up to kiss
them. The queen soon after took her leave, promising
the princess that she would procure her pardon of the
king, and come in a few days and take her from that
old ruinous castle, as she was pleased to style it, and
introduce her at court. But it was far from the intentions
of this wicked cannibal to mention the affair to the
king, who certainly would have protected the princess
and his grand-children : what she said was only a
stratagem
to get them into her power. In a few days the
queen came again in a close carriage, saying that the
king wished to receive his daughter-in-law and
grandchildren
in a private manner, previous to introducing
them at court.
The princess readily entered the carriage with her
children ; and the queen, instead of carrying her to the
court, brought her to a little country-house she had,
situated in a deep glen, entirely surrounded with woods

�16
and rocks. Here the queen resolved to gratify her
horrible longings. She was, however, obliged to defer this
pleasure for a few days, because her cook was not yet
arrived, nor had she prepared the sauce which she
usually had at these delicious feasts.
In about a week the queen made another excursion
to her country-house, taking with her the sauce and the
cook. Having paid her respects to the princess, and
kissed the children, she called the cook aside, and said
to him,—" I have a mind to eat little MORNING for my
dinner to-morrow!" " A h ! madam," cried the cook,
"pray consider the pretty creature is your grand-daughter."
" I will have it so," replied the queen in an angry
tone, " fail not at your peril; and let her be well
seasoned,
and with plenty of my favourite sauce."
poor man, knowing very well that he must not play
tricks with Ogresses, took his great knife, and went up
into little MORNING'S chamber very early the next day,
intending to kill her before breakfast; but the pretty
little girl, who, thinking that he had brought her some
sugar-candy, ran up to him, jumping and laughing, and
caught him round the neck. This so affected the poor
man that he could not refrain from tears ; so, instead
of killing her, he carried her to a little room he had at
the bottom of the garden, and killed a little lamb, and
dressed it so excellently, that his mistress assured him
she had never eaten any thing so good in her life. As
soon as the wicked queen returned home in the evening,
the cook carried little MORNING to the castle in the
wood, which had been abandoned by its inhabitants
after the princess had left it, and brought his wife and
servant to attend her.
About eight days afterwards, the queen paid them
another visit, and told the cook that she would eat little
DAY. He returned no answer, being resolved to cheat
her as he had done before; so, after hiding little DAY,
he killed a young kid, which he cooked so very nicely,
that the Ogress was quite delighted with it.
When the queen was gone, he also conducted little
DAY to his wife in the old castle. This was hitherto
all well: on her next visit, this wicked queen said to
him,-—"I will eat the young princess with the same

The

�17
sauce I had with her children. It was now that the
poor cook despaired of being able to deceive her; and,
to save his own life, he resolved to kill the princess. In
order to execute his purpose, he put himself into a great
passion, and rushed into her chamber with a dagger
drawn ; but, on seeing the princess, he respectfully told
her the orders he had received from the wicked queen,
— " Come, do it, do i t ! " said she, "and then I will go
to my poor children whom I love so dearly." " No, no,
madam," cried the poor cook, all in tears, " you shall
not die; and you shall see your children again; only
conceal yourself until the queen is gone, and I will take
you to them." The princess was overjoyed at this
unexpected news, and promised to keep herself very close.
The cook then went and dressed in her stead a young
hind, which the queen had for her supper, and devoured
it with the same appetite as if it had been the young
princess. Delighted with her cruelty, she then invented
a story to deceive her son ; and, as she returned home,
she caused it to be noised about that the wood in which
the castle was situated was infested by a banditti, who
murdered and destroyed every one that came in their
way.
In the meantime, the cook, so soon as the queen was
departed, carried the princess to her children.
The
transports of this amiable mother, and the caresses of
her affectionate children, were without bounds; but,
alas! their troubles were not yet at an end. The queen,
soon after her arrival at home, found that a peace was
nearly concluded, and expecting her son, found, in
order to deceive him, she had no time to lose ; she
therefore took the soldiers and entered the castle to see
that all was as she left it. On her approach she heard
the sound of voices, and then bursts of laughter; she
crept softly to an open window, and peeping in, saw the
princess, her two children, the cook and his wife, playing
at blind-man's-buff, while the maid-servant was
looking on and laughing. She uttered such a terrible
yell that it struck horror to their hearts; they instantly
stopped their merriment, and instinctively turned their
eyes to the window, when they encountered the furious
looks and imp-like gestures of the Ogress queen. She

�18
then called for her guards with an enraged voice, who,
supposing she was surrounded by the banditti, ran to
her assistance in haste. She commanded them instantly
to strip and bind the princess, her two children, the
cook, his wife, and their maid. She then ordered the
large brewing copper to be filled with oil, and a fire to
be lighted under it, intending, as soon as it boiled, to
put them all in, as the most cruel death she could devise.
While the oil was heating, she exulted over her
unfortunate victims, every now and then pricking them with
pins, and enjoying the pain it put them to. The oil
was now on the point of boiling, and the poor creatures
expected in a few minutes that they should be plunged
into it. The queen approached the copper in order to
try if the oil was sufficiently heated for her diabolical
purpose, when the princess took the opportunity of
kneeling down with her children to implore the divine
mercy. At this awful moment, a sudden cry of " Make
way! make w a y ! " was heard ; when instantly, on a
horse all covered with foam, entered the prince; he was
struck with astonishment at seeing his amiable wife and
lovely children in this situation. The queen, overcome
with rage, disappointment, and shame, instantly threw
herself headlong into the boiling oil, which she had
intended
for her victims, and died in great agonies.
prince could not but be very sorry, for she was his
mother, although an Ogress. He, however, comforted
himself in the reflection that he had so opportunely
saved his dear wife and children. He now resolved to
take his family to court, where they arrived the next
day. The king received them very affectionately, and
being much hurt at the ill conduct of the deceased
queen, and, convinced of his son's ability to govern, by the
able manner that he negotiated the peace, he resigned
his crown to him, and retired to a palace he had in the
country. The prince and princess, now king and queen,
lived long and happy, and were succeeded by little DAY,
who became a great king, and who took care, by the
example of his father, not to marry without the consent
of his parents.

The

�CHARLES

AND

JOHN,

AND THE

LITTLE DOG WORTHY.

THIS story is about two little boys, who were nearly
of the same age: the name of the one was Charles, and
that of the other John.
If Charles did any thing that was wrong he always
told his parents of it; and, when asked about any thing
he had said or done, he was sure to tell the truth ; so
that this good boy was beloved by every body ; but all
who knew his brother John would not believe a word
he said, he was in the practice of telling so many lies.
When he was guilty of any thing that was wrong, he
did not do as his brother did (for he never told his
parents the truth;) and, on being questioned about it, he
would deny ever having done the things of which he
was accused.
It was for fear of being punished for his faults that
John always told so many lies, and would never
confess
of what he had been guilty.
great coward, and could never bear the least pain ; but
his brother Charles was a courageous boy, and could
bear punishment for his little faults. He was never
punished so much by his parents for the little faults he
committed, as his brother John was for the lies he told
when they were found out.
These two little boys were playing together one evening
in a room by themselves; their mother was engaged
in an adjoining room, and their father was not in the
house, so there was no person in the room but Charles
and John together; but only Worthy, a little dog, which
was lying by the side of the fire.
This little dog, Worthy, was a nice playful creature,
and both the boys were very fond of him. " S e e ! " said
John to Charles, "Worthy is lying beside the fire there,
asleep ; let us rouse him, and we shall get him to play
with us."

Besides, he was a

�20
" With all my heart," said Charles; and both the
boys ran to the fireside to awaken the little dog. Now
there was standing upon the hearth a basin of milk, and,
as they did not observe it, (for it was placed behind
them,) they began to make rare fun in playing with the
dog ; but unfortunately they kicked over the basin with
their feet, and broke it, and the whole milk ran over
the hearth and all around on the floor.
Now, when the little boys saw what had happened,
they were very much alarmed, and sorry for what they
had done ; but not knowing what to do, they for some
time stood staring at the mishap they had occasioned,
without speaking one word.
At last John spoke,
" Alas !" said he, " we shall have no milk for supper
tonight
!" and he gave a deep sigh.
" No milk for supper to-night!—for what reason ? "
replied Charles. " Is there no more milk in the house?"
" Yes, but we shall have none of i t ; for don't you
remember that mamma, the last time we spilled the
milk, said, should the like happen in our hands again,
we should have none for supper that night?"
" I f that is the case," said Charles, " w e must go
without it, that's all; there is no great harm in wanting
milk for once. In the meantime let us tell mamma
what has happened ; so come away, John."
" Well, so I will; but where's all the hurry; can't
you stop a little ? " Charles did so; but still John
pleaded for delay, saying, " He was so afraid he could
not go."
Children, both boys and girls, I advise you never to
seek for excuses of this kind; never say, " Stop a
minute, or stop a little," for reparations of faults cannot
be made too soon.
Well, hear what happened to John :—The longer he
lingered the more unwilling he felt to accompany his
brother Charles ; at last he pulled his hand away from
him, positively refusing to acknowledge his share in the
spilling of the milk, saying, " That his brother might
go himself, for he should not."
" S o I shall," said Charles; "and I only waited for
you that I might put you in humour—thinking you
would like to tell mamma the truth in this matter."

�21
"
The truth!" replied John, " I don't wish to deny it;
but it is time enough when one is asked ; mamma will
see the milk when she comes here."
Charles waited no longer, but set off himself in search
of his mother, whom he expected to find in the next
room ironing; but as she was not there he ran off to
the garden, under the notion that he should find her
there.
John being now left alone, began to cast about how
he should get himself out of the scrape. " If we were
both," thought he, " to say that we were not concerned
in spilling the milk, mother would be sure to believe us,
and there would be no more of the matter."
While he was contriving these excuses, he heard his
mother coming up the stair—"Oh, o h ! " said he, " s o
mamma has not been in the garden after all, and
Charles has not seen her; now I may say what I
please."
So this cowardly sneaking boy resolved to tell his
mamma a downright falsehood
Of course, when she entered the room, her eye
immediately caught the broken dish and the spilled milk.
" Pray, John," said she, " what has been the cause of
this ?"
" I don't know, ma'am," said John.
"You don't know ?—I think you do know; and if such
is the case, you had better at once tell the truth—you
know how often I have cautioned you against telling
fibs. The worst is, should you have spilled the milk,
that you will lose a part of your supper; but rather
than tell a lie I would sooner you had broken fifty
basins; so I ask you again,—John, did you spill the
milk?"
" No, ma'am," again repeated John, in a low tone of
voice, while he coloured up to the ears.
" Then where's Charles? did he do i t ? "
" N o , " said John, " h e did n o t ; " for he had some
thoughts that when Charles appeared, he would be
persuaded to back him in his naughty falsehood.
" A n d how do you know," rejoined his mother, "that
Charles did not do it ? "
" W h y , mamma—because—because," and here John

�22
stammered and hesitated so, that his guilt was quite
evident— " because I was in the room all the time, and
did not see him do it."
Being farther questioned, John went on from one lie
to another; at last he said he supposed the dog did it.
" Did you see Worthy do it ?"
" Yes," said this wicked boy.
" F i e , fie, W o r t h y ! " said John's mother, " s o it is
you that is in the fault! I must really chastise you."
She then ordered John to get her a switch.
John ran to the garden to get a switch, and on his
way met Charles returning, to whom he told what had
happened, begging him not to expose him, but to say
what he had done.
" N o , I sha'n't tell a lie," said Charles, " a n d have
poor Worthy beat into the bargain. I shall tell mamma
the whole truth."
They ran into the house, John striving to prevent
Charles from telling his mother. John threw in the
switch, and, being somewhat stronger, he kept Charles
back. In the meantime the switch was just about to
fall on poor Worthy's back, when Charles, who had
made his way round by the window, called out to her to
stop. He then told the story just as it happened.
A t the same moment John's father came in sight,
and being told what had happened, he snatched up the
switch, for what purpose John easily foresaw; so, falling
on his knees, he besought him for mercy, crying
out he should never again be guilty of telling lies.
" B u t I shall whip you now," said his father, " a n d
we shall see how you keep your word for the future."
So John was whipt, till he roared out so that the whole
neighbourhood heard him.
" There now," said his father, is the reward of
disobedience and wickedness—you have got a sound whipping
, and you shall besides go to your bed supperless.
See how liars are served!" Then, turning to Charles,
he said, " Charles, as for you, I shall keep my word so
far as to deprive you of milk to-night; that for once is
easily borne ; but as a compensation, and to mark my
satisfaction with your behaviour, I make you a present
of Worthy; he will be to you a kind and affectionate

�23
servant, and it will be your part to use him well.
Henceforward he shall be called Charles! and, wife,
whenever you are asked by any of the neighbouring
children why Worthy's name is changed to Charles, tell
them the story of the two boys : they will then see how
differently it fares between a liar and a boy who tells
the truth."

SOLEMN P R O H I B I T I O N

Ross,

Mr.Walter
writer to the signet, Edinburgh,
by way of protecting his property from midnight
marauders, published the following handbill
" Thou
shalt not steal! All persons whom it may concern are
desired to take notice that steel traps, of the largest
size, for catching breakers of the eighth commandment,
are every night placed in the garden of St. Bernard's
between Stockbridge and the Water of Leith, on the
north side of the water; that spring-guns are set to
rake the walls with shot upon the touch of a wire, and
that a tent, having in it an armed watchman, is pitched
in the middle, with orders to fire without mercy. If,
therefore, any evil-disposed person or persons shall
attempt to break into the grounds of St. Bernard's,
their blood be upon their own heads !-—Amen."
This seemed very well for some time ; but, at length,
a suspicion arose that the arrangements were all of a
fictitious nature, and the boys and blackguards of the
city began to pick up their scattered courage.
On
learning that such was the state of matters, Mr. Ross
adopted the strangest expedient that could perhaps
have entered the head of a country gentleman. He
procured a limb of a corpse from the Royal Infirmary,
dressed it in a stocking, shoe and buckle, and sent it
through the streets of the city with the public crier,
proclaiming
that it had been found last night in the grounds
at St. Bernard's, and that it would be restored to the
owner on being properly vouched. The garden of St.
Bernard's was no more broken.

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                <text>In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival &amp;amp; Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413</text>
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                <text>&lt;a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923335093505154"&gt;s0094b28&lt;/a&gt;</text>
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                <text>&lt;p&gt;University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/"&gt;http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</text>
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                <text>Part of a series of fairy tales printed by the booksellers. The first tale presented tells the classic tale of Sleeping Beauty with a few twists, including the continuation of the story after the Prince rescues the Sleeping Beauty. In this version, the Prince marries the Princess without informing his parents first, and he keeps their marriage as a secret for many years, even after the birth of a son and daughter. The Prince’s mother, descended from Ogres, finds out about the hidden family and resolves to eat all of them. The cook pities the poor family and tricks the Queen into eating a lamb, a kid, and a hind instead. When the Queen discovers the deception, she flies into a fury and is about to boil them all in oil when she is stopped by the timely arrival of the Prince, whereupon she throws herself into the oil instead. This tale is followed by the story of, “Charles and John, and the Little Dog Worthy,” which is a moral tale about two boys and the just punishment for little boys who tell falsehoods. In the end of the tale, the dog, Worthy, is renamed “Charles!” in honour of the boy who chose to tell the truth. Following this tale is a short anecdotal account of a solicitor in Edinburgh who, attempting to protect his property from thieves, published a fictitious handbill proclaiming an elaborate but fictitious series of deadly defenses protecting the property. When thieves grew bold again, the gentleman procured a limb of a corpse from the Royal Infirmary to be paraded around the streets of Edinburgh in search of its “owner.”</text>
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                    <text>Young Lochinvar ;
T o which are added,

T H E ROSE OF DUNMORE,
SCOTTISH

WHISKY,

Sleeping LOST MYMaggie,
SHEPHERDS, I HAVE
LOVE.

GLASGOW

Printed for the Booksellers.

1828.

:

�YOUNG

LOCHINVAR.

O ! Y o u n g Lochinvar has come out of the west,
T h r o u g h all the wide border his steed was the best;
A n d save his good broadsword, he weapons had none,
He
rode all unarm'd, and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love, and so dauntlets in war,
T h e r e never was knight like the young Lochinvar.
H e staid not for brake, and tie stopped not for stone,
H e swam the Esk river where ford there was none ;
B u t , ere he alighted at Netherby gate.
T h e bride had consented, the gallant came late ;
F o r a laggard in love, and a dastard in war,
W a s to wed the fair Helen of brave Lochinvar.
So boldly he enter'd the Netherby Hall:
A m o n g bridemen, and kinsmen, and brothers and all;
T h e n spake the bride's father, his hand on his sword,
( F o r the poor craven bridegroom said never a word,)
" O come ye in peace here, or come ye in war,
O r to dance at our bridal, young lord L o c h i n v a r ? "
" I long woo'd your daughter, my suit you d e n i e d ;
Love swells like the Solway, but ebbs as its tide—
A n d now I am come with this lost love of mine,
T o lead but one measure, drink one cup of wine.
T h e r e are maidens in Scotland more lovely by f a r —
T h a t would gladly be bride to the young Lochinvar."

�3
T h e bride kiss'd the goblet ; the knight took it up,
H e quaff'd off the wine, and he threw down the c u p .
She look'd down to blush, and she look'd up to sigh,
W i t h a smile on her lips, and a tear in her eye.
H e took her soft hand, e'er her mother could bar,
' N o w tread we a measure!' said young Lochinvar.
S o stately his form, and so lovely her face,
T h a t never a hall such a galliard did grace ;
W h i l e her mother did fret, and her father did fume,
A n d the bridegroom stood dangling his bonnet and
plume;
A n d the bride-maiden's whisper'd 'twere better b y
far
T o have match'd our fair cousin with young
Lochinvar.

O n e touch to h e r hand, and one word in her ear,
W h e n they reach'd the hall-door, and the charger
s t o o d near
;
So light to the croup the fair lady he swung,
So light to the saddle before her he sprung !
S h e is won ! we are gone, over bank, bush, andscaur;
T h e y ' l l have fleet steede that follow, quoth young
Lochinvar.
There was mounting 'mong Grames of the Netherby
clan ;
Foraters, Fenwicks, and Musgraves, they rode and
they ran ;
T h e r e was racing and chacing, on Cannobie lee,
B u t the lost bride of Netherby ne'er did they see,
So daring in love, and so dauntless in war,
H a v e ye e'er heard of gallant like young
Lochinvar,

�4
THE

ROSE

OF

DUNMORE.

As I w e n t a w a l k i n g out e a r l y ,
B r i g h t P h o e b u s m o s t sweetly d i d s h i n e ,
A n d the nightingale warbled melodious,
A s t h e lusin t h a t fells f r o m t h e g l e n .
It's down thro' a grove where I walked,
A w h i l e t o c o n d o l e in a s h a d e ,
On m y d e s t i n y for t o p o n d e r ,
I t ' s t h e r e I b e h e l d a sweet m a i d .
I cast f o r t h m y eyes f o r t o view,
A n d t h u s u n t o h e r I did s a y ,
Y o u fair has my heart ensnared,
H o w far t h r o ' t h e g r o v e d o s t t h o u s t r a y ?
S h e a n s w e r e d , sir, I will tell y o u ,
T h e t r u t h u n t o y o u I'll e x p l o r e ,
O f a m a t t e r t h a t lately befel m e ,
M y d w e l l i n g lies n e a r D u n m o r e .
O n c e I d i d love a b r a v e h e r o ,
T i l l my tender heart he did gain,
N o m o r t a l e v e r lov'd d e a r e r ,
B u t n o w he is p l o u g h i n g t h e m a i n ,
All under brave Nelson for battle,
A n d o u r E n g l i s h N a v y so b r a v e ,
W h e r e c a n n o n s and g u n s loudly rattle,
A g a i n s t t h e p r o u d F r e n c h on the m a i n .
H e says, n o w m y f a i r , so e n s n a r i n g ,
P e r h a p s y o u r t r u e - l o v e h e is s l a i n ,
A s m a n y a m a n fell a v i c t i m ,
Soit m i g h t h a p p e n with y o u r love,
A s it h a t h d o n e with m a n y b e f o r e ,

�5
I p r a y c o m e with m e to R a t h f r i l a n d ,
A n d bid a f a r e w e l l t o D u n m o r e .
How c o u l d I b e t h u s so i n c o n s t a n t ,
A n d p r o m i s e d so m u c h to b e t r u e ,
T o leave m y old s w e e t h e a r t l a m e n t i n g ,
A n d v e n t u r e all f o r t u n e with y o u ;
T h e p e o p l e w o u l d call m e h a r d h e a r t e d ,
F o r fidelity t o h i m I ' v e s w o r e ,
T h a t o u r loves s h o u l d n e v e r b e p a r t e d ,
B u t w a i t f o r t h e y o u t h in D u n m o r e .
S i n c e i t is so n o w d e c r e e d ,
T h a t I n o w a victim m u s t fall,
I cannot refrain now but mourn,
T h o ' I a m n o b e t t e r a t all.
I
Of that charming youth I adore,
I hope to my great consolation,
T o m e e t h i m with j o y in D u n m o r e .
C h e e k s like t h e fair b e a u t i e s b l o w n ,
Y o u r s u m m e r will soon b e o ' e r ,
O c t o b e r w i n d s will be b l o w n ,
A n d blast t h e sweet r o s e of D u n m o r e ,
I f o u n d that h e r heart was failing,
As m a n y had d o n e before,
I h o i s t u p m y sails for R a t h f r i l a n d ,
A n d g a i n e d t h e sweet rose of D u n m o r e .
SCOTTISH
WHISKY.
Y e social sons of S c o t i a ' s isle,
W h o love t o r a n t a n d r o a r , Sir,
T o d r i n k , to dance, to laugh, to sing,
A n d hie withouten care, S i r ;

still live in

expectation,

�6
A t t e n d a n d listen t o m y l a y s ,
'Twill make you blithe and friskie;
I sing, w h o d a r e my t h e m e d e s p i s e ?
I n p r a i s e of g u i d S c o t s W h i s k y .
O my cheering, care-dispelling,
Heart-reviving W h i s k y ;
T h o u b r i g h t e n s u p t h e g l o o m o f life,
T h a t a f t look d a r k a n d d u s k i e .
L e t F r e n c h m e n o' t h e i r b e v ' r a g e b o a s t ,
T h e j u i c e of G a l l i c vine. S i r ,
And Dons and Portuguese rehearse
T h e p r a i s e s o ' t h e i r wine, S i r ;
I d o n ' t envy t h e m w i t h t h e i r t o n s ,
G i ' e m e a little c a s k i e
O' C a l e d o n i a ' s n e c t a r p u r e ,
T h e real S c o t t i s h W h i s k y .
O m y cheering, &amp;c.
J a m a i c a R u m it's b u t a h u m ,
S o is t h e best A n t i g u a ;
A n d H o l l a n d ' s gin n o worth, a pin,
C o m p a r ' d wi' d e a r K i l b e g i e .
W h o e v e r w a n t s to t a k e a h o u s e ,
O r h a v e a j o v i a l pliskie,
T h e y o n l y n e e d t o weet t h e i r m o u ' s
W i ' real Scottish W h i s k y .

B L Y T H E W A S SHE.
B l y t h e , b l y t h e a n d m e r r y was s h e ,
B l y t h e was s h e b u t a n d b e n :
B l y t h e by t h e b a n k s of E a r n ,
A n d b l y t h e in G l e n t u r i n g l e n .

�7
By O c h t e r t y r e g r o w s the aik,
O n Y a r r o w braes the birken s h a w ;
But P h e m i e was a b o n n i e r lass,
T h a n b r a e s o' Y a r r o w ever saw.
Blythe,
&amp;c.
H e r l o o k s w e r e like a flower in M a y ,
H e r smile was like a s i m m e r m o r n ;
S h e t r i p p e d by t h e b a n k s o' E a r n ,
A s light's a bird u p o n a thorn.
B l y t h e , &amp;c.
H e r b o n n y f a c e it was as m e e k ,
As onie lamb upon a lee;
T h e e v ' n i n g sun was n e ' e r sae sweet
As was t h e b l i n k o' P h e m i e ' s ee.
Blythe, &amp;c.
T h e H i g h l a n d hills I ' v e w a n d e r ' d wide,
And o'er the Lowlands I hae been;
B u t P h e m i e was t h e b l y t h e s t lass,
T h a t ever t r o d t h e d e w y g r e e n .

SLEEPIN' MAGGY.
M i r k a n ' r a i n y is t h e n i g h t ,
N o a s t a r n in a' t h e c a r r y ,
A n ' w i n ' s d r i v e wi' w i n t e r ' s f u r y .
O are ye sleepin', M a g g y ,
O a r e y e sleepin', M a g g y ;
L e t m e i n , f o r l o u d t h e linn,
I s r o a r i n g o'er the warlock craigie.

�8
Fearfu' soughs the boor-tree hank
T h e rifted wood r o a r s wild a n ' d r e a r y .
L o a d the iron yate does clank,
A n d c r y o' h o w l e t s m a k s m e e e r i e .
O a r e y e s l e e p in', M a g g y , &amp; c .
A b o o n my breath I d a r e n a speak,
F o r tear I rouse your waukrife daddie,
C a u l d ' s t h e blast u p o n m y c h e e k ,
O rise, rise m y b o n n y l a d y !
O are ye sleepin', M a g g y , &amp;c.
S h e ' s o p ' t t h e d o o r s h e ' s let h i m in,
H e cuist a s i d e his d r e e p i n g p l a i d i e ;
"Blaw
Since n o w I ' m in aside ye, M a g g y . "
BANKS

OF

your warst ye rain an'

BANNA.

S h e p h e r d s , I h a v e lost m y love,
H a v e y o u seen m y A n n a ,
P r i d e of e v ' r y s h a d y g r o v e ,
U p o n t h e b a n k s of B a n n a ?
I
N e a r yon misty mountain,
L e f t my flock, m y p i p e , m y c r o o k ,
Greenwood shade aud fountain.
N e v e r s h a l l I see t h e m m o r e ,
Until her returning;
A l l t h e j o y s of life a r e o ' e r ,
F r o m gladness c h a n g ' d to m o u r n i n g .
W h i t h e r is m y c h a r m e r flown !
S h e p h e r d s , tell m e w h i t h e r ?
A h , woe for m e ! p e r h a p s she's g o n e
F o r ever, a n d for ever.

for her my h o m e

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                <text>Young Lochinvar; To which are added, The Rose of Dunmore, Scottish Whisky, Blythe was She But and Ben, Sleeping Maggie, Shepherds, I Have Lost My Love</text>
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                <text>&lt;a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9953133973505154"&gt;s0042b27&lt;/a&gt;</text>
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                <text>&lt;p dir="ltr"&gt;&lt;a title="University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks" href="http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/"&gt;&lt;span&gt;University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&#13;
&lt;p dir="ltr"&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&#13;
&lt;div&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;</text>
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                <text>The Rose of Dunmore</text>
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                <text>Scottish Whisky</text>
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                <text>Blythe was She But and Ben</text>
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                <text>A collection of songs, from love stories to drinking songs. The first tells the tale of the Lord of Lochinvar who, after his courtship is rejected by his love’s father, steals the bride right from her wedding. In the second song, a young man meets a young woman in a grove one night and convinces her to leave with him, even though she had pledged to wait for her love to return from sea. He does this by reminding her of the fleeting nature of her own beauty, telling her that her youthful looks won’t last forever. The next song is a drinking song, lauding the virtues of Scottish whisky over other various inferior drinks. The fourth song describes the beauty of a particular girl, and the fifth is sung from the perspective of a man waiting outside in the cold and dark to be let in by his lover. The last song is the lament of a man who has lost his love, for whom he had given up his life as a shepherd.</text>
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                <text>In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival &amp; Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413</text>
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                    <text>•
•

y*

THE

HUMOUROUS ADVENTURES

Jump Jim Crow.

GLASGOW:
PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.

27

�ADVENTURES OF JIM CROW

JIM C R O W ' S F I R S T A P P E A R A N C E IN T H E
GALLERY.
Here's de leaping Nigger,
Berry well you know
Him handsome face and figure,
Jumping Jim Crow.
Turn about and wheel about
And do jis so ;
Walk into the gallery
And jump Jim Crow.
If you down upon your luck,
Neber care a pin,
Noting cures de devils blue
Like a hearty grin.
Comicalities you've had,
T o keep de game alive,
Four good Numbers,/and Jim Crow
Now offers No. 5*
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so ;
If you do not split your sides
I'm not Jim Crow !

�3
Of soldier, lawyer, parson,
W e have seen de pliizzes,
Barber, tailor, cobbler, and
Many real quizzes—
Now hab got a fresh lot,
As you soon may know,
And one that won't be soon forgot,
Dat's Jim Crow
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Freely put your threepence down,
And jump Jim Crow I
Corporate Nobs hi plenty,
All great men, no doubt,
Berry partial to Champagne,
Love a good tuck-out!
Of Alderman and Sheriff
We'll treat you wid a sketch,
And of de ugly customer
Dev call Jack Ketch.
Wheel about and turn about,
And clo jis so :
Neber want his sarvice
To finish Jim Crow.
Boys you'll find in plenty,
Nigger no tell lies,
Laugh to see de precious lot,
Ebery sort and size—

i

�Boys who diive cabs patent
Furious troo de street,
Boy dat take out physic,
And boy dat carry meat.
Turn about and wheel about,
Anddojisso;
Trow physic to de dogs, say I,
And jump Jim Crow.
Hungry boy of charity,
Skinny as a rat,
Moder's pretty darling boy,
Berry plump and fat—
Lazy little schoolboy,
Boy dat sings out 4 pot,'
Wid many other rum boys,
Nigger hab forgot.
Turn about, wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Come and have a dish of for?,
And jump Jim Crow.
Here you'll find how coaches
Travell'd long ago,
Neber 110 capsizing,
Berry sure, but slow ;
Den see how much quicker
Modern stages run,
Berry fast, but not so safe,
Break de neck like fun.
Turn about and wheel about, &amp;c.

�5
B y and by dose coach
Go widout a team,
Engineer for Jarvey,
Rattle on by steam ;
Crack goes de boiler,
Shocking ting, you know,
Better pad de hoof wid me,
And jump Jim Crow.
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Berry bad when boiler crack,
And smash Jim Crow.

JIM CROW'S PERSONAL

HISTORY.

I come from ole Kentucky, a long time ago,
When I first larnt to wheel about, and jump Jim
Crow,
I us'd to take him fiddle, eb'ry morn and arternoon,
And charm de ole buzzard, and dance to de racoon.
Yeel about and turn about,
And do jis s o ;
Eb'ry time I veel about,
I jump Jim Crow.
At hoeing of de sugar, or picking cotton, all de same,
I us'd to beat de oder niggers, and give dem twenty
in de game;

�At last I went to seek my fortune, got up by break of
day,
Left my old shoes behind me, and off I ran away.
Veel about, &amp;c.
"f*llf&lt;&gt;U
&gt; )tiiJ
?
f
I came to a riber, which I couldn't get across,
So gib a couple of shillings for an old -blind horse :
When I got up de oder side, I drove him up a hill,
Oh, but de oder side look'd rather daffakil.
Den I jump aboard on big ship, and cum across de
sea,
And landed on ole England, where de nigger am
free,
Veel about, &amp;c.

JIM C R O W ' S VISIT T O

CHURCH.

In New York I went to a nigger meeting,
It was on a Sunday night,
T o see old broder Clem,
Dat dey say can read and w rite.
Turn about and veel about,
And do jis so ;
Ebery time I turn about,
I jump Jim Crow.
•

Vhen I got to de meeting-house,
Dey say you better go,

�'Kase you come to raise the debil here,
And jump Jim Crow.
Veel about, &amp;c.
So I crept through de window
And sat myself a-down,
Broder Clem gub out de text,
Den dey hand dey plate around.
Veel about, &amp;c.
In de ninety-leventh chapter
Of de new Almanack,
Dare it tell you all about
De white man and black.
Veel about, &amp;c.
He say dat Cain was de fuss man,
Julycome Csesar was de toder—
Dey put Adam on de treden mill,
'Kase he kill him broder.
Veel about, &amp;c.
And den dat Mr. Sampson
Was de man dat build de ark,
Mr. Jonas was de fisherman
W h o swallow up de shark.
Veel about, &amp;c.
De rain pour down forty days,
By de sailors' counting,

�8

*

And landed Sampson and de ark
Upon de Alleghany mounting.
V£el about, &amp;c.

J I M C R O W ' S D E S C R I P T I O N OP

HAMLET.

I sabe up all de pennies,
And wid a sixpence tocler day,
I went to Surry Teatre,
T o see de Hamlet play;
Dey put me in de gallery,
In a corner by myself,
I look'd like a monkey dere,
Grinning on a shelf.
Veel about, &amp;c.
Dey puli d up de curtin,
And de first ting I see,
Out came Massa Hamlet
Wid his 4 Be, or not to be.'
Den Hamlet grab him uncle,
And choke him by de troat,
And shake him like de debil,
De last button off him coat.
Veel about, &amp;c

�a

' s n a n a s M o o a a n x uoa
:

a&amp;i.&amp;md

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Boys who diive cabs patent
Furious troo de street,
Boy dat take out physic,
And boy dat carry meat.
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so;
Trow physic to de dogs, say I,
And jump Jim Crow.
Hungry boy of charity,
Skinny as a rat,
Moder's pretty darling boy,
Berry plump and fat—
Lazy little schoolboy,
Boy dat sings out 4 pot,'
Wid many other rum boys,
Nigger hab forgot.
Turn about, wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Come and have a dish of fun,
And jump Jim Crow.
Here you'll find how coaches
Traveli'd long ago,
Neber no capsizing,
Berry sure, but slow ;
Den see how much quicker
Modern stages run,
Berry fast, but not so safr,
Break de neck like fun.
Turn about and wheel about, &amp;c.

8

JBy and by dose coach
Go widout a team,
Engineer for Jarvey,
Rattle on by steam;
Crack goes de boiler,
Shocking ting, you know,
Better pad de hoof wid me,
And jump Jim Crow.
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Berry bad when boiler crack,
And smash Jim Crow.

JIM CROW S PERSONAL

HISTORY.

I come from ole Kentucky, a long time ago,
When I first larnt to wheel about, and jump Jim
Crow,
I us'd to take him fiddle, eb'ry morn and arternoon,
And charm de ole buzzard, and dance to de racoon.
Veel about and turn about,
And do jis so ;
Eb'ry time I veel about,
I jump Jim Crow.
At hoeing of de sugar, or picking cotton, all de same,
I us'd to beat de oder niggers, and give dem twenty
in de garne;

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At last I went to seek my fortune, got up by break of
day,
Left my old shoes behind me, and off I ran away.
Veel about, &amp;c.
I came to a riber, which I couldn't get across,
So gib a*couple of shillings for an old .blind horse :
When I got up de oder side, I drove him up a hill,
Oh, but de oder side look'd rather daffakil.
Den I jump aboard on big ship, and cum across de
sea,
And landed on ole England, where de nigger am
free.
Veel about, &amp;c.

JIM CROW'S VISIT TO

CHURCH.

In N e w York I went to a nigger meeting,
It was on a Sunday night,
T o see old broder Clem,
Dat dey say can read and write.
Turn about and veel about,
And do jis so ;
Ebery time I turn about,
I jump Jim Crow.
Vhen I got to de meeting-house,
Dey say you better go,

Of soldier, lawyer, parson,
W e have seen de phizzes,
Barber, tailor, cobbler, and
Many real quizzes—
N o w hab got a fresh lot,
As you soon may know,
And one that won't be soon forgot,
Dat's Jim Crow
Turn about and wheel about,
And do jis so ;
Freely put your threepence down,
And jump Jim Crow !
Corporate Nobs in plenty,
All great men, no doubt,
Berry partial to Champagne,
Love a good tuck-out!
O f Alderman and Sheriff
We'll treat you wid a sketch,
And of de ugly customer
Dev call Jack Ketch.
Wheel about and turn about,
And do jis so :
Neber want his sarvice
T o finish Jim Crow.
Boys you'll find in plenty,
Nigger no tell lies,
Laugh to see de precious lot,
Ebery sort and size—

m c

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                    <text>THE&#13;
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COMICAL SAYINGS&#13;
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P A R T I,&#13;
Tom. GOOD morrow, Sir, this is a very cold day.&#13;
Teag. A IT a, dear honey, yesternight was a very cafat&#13;
Tozra.&#13;
Teag.&#13;
Torn.&#13;
Teag.&#13;
&#13;
Well brother traveller of what nation art thou:&#13;
Arra clear shoy, I came from my own kingdom.&#13;
Why, I know that, but where is thy kingdom ?&#13;
Allelieu dear hnriey, don't you know Cork in&#13;
&#13;
Tom* You fool, Cork is not a kingdom but a city.&#13;
Teag. Then dear shoy, I'm sure it is in a kingdom,&#13;
Tom. And what is the reason you have come and left&#13;
your own dear country ?&#13;
&lt;/&#13;
- 4&#13;
Teag. Arra dear honey, by shaint Patrick, they have&#13;
got such comical laws in our country, that they will put&#13;
a man to death in perfect health; so to be free and plain&#13;
with you, neighbour, I was obliged to come away, for&#13;
I did not choose to stay among such a people that can&#13;
hang a poor man when they please, if he either steals,&#13;
robs, or kills a man,&#13;
Tom. Ay, but I take you to be more of an i&#13;
man, than to steal, rob, or kill a man.&#13;
a child, my mother would have trusted me with a 1&#13;
full of&#13;
Tom. What was the matter, was you guilty of nothing,&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I did harm to nobody, but&#13;
fancied an old guitieman's gun, and afterwards made it&#13;
my ewi,&#13;
&#13;
�Tom. Very well boy, and did you keep it so ?&#13;
Teag. Keep it, I would have kept it with ail my heart&#13;
while I lived, death itself could not have parted us, but&#13;
fcha old rogue, the gentleman, being a justice of peace&#13;
himself, had in? tried for the rights of it, and how I came&#13;
by it, and so took rt again.&#13;
Tom. And how did you clear yourself without punishment ?&#13;
Teag. Arra dear shoy, I told him a parcel of lies, but&#13;
they would not believe me ; for I said that I got it from&#13;
my father when it was a little pistol, and I had kept it&#13;
till it had grown a gun, and was designed to use it well&#13;
until it had grown a a big cannon, and then sell it to the&#13;
military. They all fell a laughing at me as I had been&#13;
a fool, and bade me go home to my mother ana clean&#13;
the potatoes.&#13;
lorn. How long is it since you left your own country ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I do not mind whether it be&#13;
a fortnight or four months, but I think myself, it is a&#13;
long time; they tell me my mother is dead since, but I&#13;
wont believe it until 1 get a letter from her own hand,&#13;
for she is a very good scholar, suppose she can neither&#13;
write nor read.&#13;
Tom. Was you ever in England before ?&#13;
Teag. A y , that I was, and in Scotland too.&#13;
Tom. And were they kind to you when you was La&#13;
Scotland ?&#13;
Teag. They were that kind that they kick't my arse&#13;
for me, and the reason was because I would not pay the&#13;
whole of the liquor that was drunk in the company,&#13;
though the landlord and his two sons got mouthful about&#13;
of &amp; all, and I told them it was a trick upon travellers,&#13;
first to drink his liquor, and then to kick him out of&#13;
doors.&#13;
Tom. I really think they have used you badly, but&#13;
could you not beat them ?&#13;
Teag. That's what I did, beat them all to their own&#13;
c«Hitentment, but there was one of them stronger than me,&#13;
who would have killed me, if the other two had not pulled&#13;
&#13;
�5&#13;
me away, and I had to run for it, till his passion was&#13;
over, then they made us drink and gree again ; we shook&#13;
hands, and made a bargain, never to harm other more ;&#13;
but this bargain did not last long, for, as I was kissing&#13;
his mouth, by shaint Patrick, I bit his nose, which&#13;
caused him to beat me very sore for my pains.&#13;
Tom. Well Paddy, what calling was you when in&#13;
Scotland.&#13;
Teag. Why sir, I was no business at all, but what&#13;
do you call the green tree that's like a whin bush,&#13;
people makes a thing to sweep the house of it 1&#13;
Tom. 0 yes, Paddy, they call it the broom.&#13;
Teag. A y , ay, you have it, I was a gentleman's broom,&#13;
only waited on his horses, and washed the dishes for the&#13;
cook : and when my master rode a hunting, I went behind with the dogs.&#13;
Tom. O yes, Paddy, it was the groom you mean.&#13;
But I fancy you was cook's mate, or kitchen boy.&#13;
Teag. No, no, it was the broom that I was, and if&#13;
I had staid there till now, I might have been advanced&#13;
as high as my master, for the ladies loved me so well,&#13;
that they laughed at me.&#13;
Tom. They might admire you for a fool.&#13;
Teag. What sir, do you imagine that I am not a fool ?&#13;
no, no, my master asked counsel of me in all his matters,&#13;
and I always give him a reason for every thing: I told&#13;
him one morning, that he went too soon to the hunting,&#13;
that the hairs were not got out of their beds, and neither&#13;
the barking of horns, nor the blowing of dogs could make&#13;
them rise, it was such a cold morning that night; so&#13;
they all ran away that we catched, when we did not&#13;
see them. Then my master told my words to several&#13;
gentlemen that were at dinner with him, and they admired me for want of judgment, for my head was all of&#13;
a lump: adding, they were going a-fishing along with&#13;
my master and me in the afternoon ; but I told them&#13;
that it was a very unhappy thing for any man to go&#13;
a hunting in the morning, and afishingiri the afternoon ;&#13;
they wouH try it, but they had better staid at horiie^&#13;
&#13;
�6&#13;
for it CSQ16 ust a most terrible fine night of south west rain,&#13;
and even down wind; so the fishes got all below the&#13;
water to keep themselves dry from'the shower, and we&#13;
catched them all but got none.&#13;
Tom. How long did you serve that gentleman, Paddy.&#13;
Teag. A n a , dear honey, I was with him six weeks,&#13;
and he beat me seven times.&#13;
Tom. For what did he beat you P was it for your&#13;
madness and foolish tricks ?&#13;
Teag. Dear shoy, it was not; but for being too inquisitive, and going sharply about business. First, he&#13;
sent me to the post-office to enquire if there were any&#13;
letters for him ; so when I came there, said I, is tliere&#13;
any letters here for my master to-day ? Then tliey&#13;
asked who was my master; sir, said I, it is very bad&#13;
manners in you to ask any gentleman's name ; at this&#13;
they laughed, mocking me, and said they could give me&#13;
none, if I would not tell my master's name; so I returned to my master and told him the impudence of the&#13;
fellow, who would give me no letters unless I would&#13;
tell him your name, master. M y master at this flew&#13;
in a passion, aad kicked me down stairs, saying, go you&#13;
rogue, and tell my name directly, how can the gentleman give letters whea he knows not who is asking for&#13;
them. Then I returned and told m j master's, name, so&#13;
they told me there was one for him. I looked at %&#13;
being very small, and asking the price of it, they told&#13;
me it was sixpence: sixpence,'said I, wi$ you take&#13;
sixpence for that small thing, and selling bigger ones for&#13;
twopence; faith I am not such # big fool; you think&#13;
to cheat me now, this is not a conscionable way of dealing, I'll acquaint my master with it first; so I came&#13;
and told my master how tliey would have sixpence for&#13;
his letter, and was selling bigger ones for twopence ; he&#13;
took up my head and broke his cane with it, calling me&#13;
a thousand fools, saying, the man was more just than to&#13;
take any thing but the right for it; but I was sure there&#13;
was none of them right, buying and selling such dear&#13;
penny-worths. So I came again for my dear sixpence&#13;
&#13;
�7&#13;
letter ; and as the fellow wus shuffling through a parcel&#13;
of them, seeking for it again, to make the best of a dear&#13;
market, I pict up two, and home I comas to my master,&#13;
thinking he would be pleased with what I had done ;&#13;
now, said I, master, 1 think I have put a trick upon&#13;
them fellows, for selling the letter to you. What have&#13;
you done P I have only taken other two letters : here's&#13;
one for you master, to help your dear penny-worth,'''and&#13;
I'll send the other to my mother to see whet/ier she be&#13;
dead or alive, for she's always angry I don't write to&#13;
her. I had not the word well spoken, till he got up&#13;
his stick and beat me heartily for it, and sent me habk&#13;
to the fellows again with the two. I had a very ill will&#13;
to go, but nobody would buy them of me.&#13;
Tom. Well, Paddy, I think you was to blame, and&#13;
your master too, for he ought to have taught you how&#13;
to go about these affairs, and not beat you so.&#13;
Teag. Arra dear honey, I had too much wit of my&#13;
own to be teached by him, cr any body else ; he began&#13;
to instruct me after that how I should serve the table,&#13;
and such nasty things as those : one night I took ben a&#13;
roasted fish in one hand, and a piece of bread in the&#13;
other; the old gentleman whi so saucy he woiilc! not&#13;
take it, and told me I should bring nothing to him without a trencher below it. The same night as he was&#13;
going to bed, he called for his slippers and pish-pot, so&#13;
I clapt a trencher below the pish-pot, and another below&#13;
the slippers, and ben I goes, one in every hand; no&#13;
sooner did I enter the room than he threw the pish-pot&#13;
at me, which broke both my head and the pish-pot at&#13;
one blow ; now, said I, the devil is in my master altogether, for what he commands at one time he countermands at another. Next day I went with him to the&#13;
market to buy a sack of potatoes, I went to the potatoemonger, and asked what he took for the full of a Scot's&#13;
cog, he weighed them in, he asked no less than fourpence ; fourpence, said I, if I were but in Dublin, I&#13;
could got the double of that for nothing, and in Cork&#13;
and Linsale far cheaper ; them is but small things like&#13;
&#13;
�8&#13;
pease, said I, but the potatoes in my country is as big as&#13;
your head, fine meat, all made up in blessed mouthful? ;&#13;
the potatoe-merchant called me a liar, and my master&#13;
called me a fool, so the one fell a-kicking me, and the&#13;
other a cuffing me, I was in such bad bread among them,&#13;
that I called myself both a liar and a fool to get oil&#13;
alive.&#13;
Tom. And how did you carry your potatoes home from&#13;
the market.&#13;
Teag. Arra dear shoy, I carried the horse and them&#13;
both, besides a big loaf, and two bottles of wine ; for I&#13;
put the old horse on my back, and drove the potatoes&#13;
before me, and when I tied the load to the loaf, I had&#13;
nothing to do but to carry the bottle in my hand : but&#13;
bad luck to the way as I came home, for a nail out of&#13;
the heal of my foot sprung a leak in my brogue, which&#13;
pricked the very bone, bruised the skin, and made my&#13;
brogue itself to blood, and I having no hammer by me,&#13;
but a hatchet I left at home, I had to beat down the&#13;
nail with the bottom of the bottle: and by the book,&#13;
dear shoy, it broke to pieces, and scattered the wine in&#13;
my mouth.&#13;
Tom. And how did you recompense your master for&#13;
the loss of the bottle of wine ?&#13;
Teag. Arra dear shoy, I had a mind to cheat him&#13;
and myself too, for I took the bottle to a blacksmith,&#13;
and desired him to mend it that I might go to the butcher and get it full of bloody water, but he told me he&#13;
could not work in any thing but steel and iron. Arra,&#13;
said I, if 1 were in my own kingdom, I could get a&#13;
blacksmith who would make a bottle out of a stone, and&#13;
a stOne out of nothing.&#13;
Tom. And how did you trick your master out of it ?&#13;
Teag. Why the old rogue began to chide me, asking&#13;
me what way I broke it, then I held up the other as&#13;
high as my head, and let it fall to the ground on a stone,&#13;
which broke it all in pieces likewise : now said I, master, that's the way, and he beat me very heartily until&#13;
I had to shout out mercy and murder all at once.&#13;
&#13;
�9&#13;
Tbm. W h y did you not leave him when he used yon&#13;
so badly.&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shov, I could never think to leav&lt;i&#13;
him while I could eat, he gave me soT many good victuals, and promised to prefer me to be his own bonepicker. But by shaint Patrick, I had to run away&#13;
with my life or all was done, else I had lost rny dear&#13;
shoul and body too by him, and then come home much&#13;
poorer than I went away. The great big bitch dog,&#13;
which was my master's best beloved, put his head into&#13;
a pitcher, to lick out some milk, and when it was in he&#13;
could not get it out; and I to save the pitcher got the&#13;
hatchet and cut off the dog's head, and then I had to&#13;
break the pitcher to get out the head; by this I lost&#13;
both the dog and the pitcher. M y master hearing of&#13;
this swore he would cut the head off me, for the poor&#13;
dog was made useless, and could not see to follow any&#13;
body for want of his eyes. And when I heard of this,&#13;
I ran away with my own head, for if I had wanted it&#13;
I had lost my eyes too, then I wTould not have seen the&#13;
road to Port Patrick, through Glen-nap; but by shaint&#13;
Patrick I came home alive in spite of them.&#13;
Tom. O larely done, Paddy, you behaved like a&#13;
man! but what is the reason that you Irish people&#13;
swear always by saint Patrick?&#13;
Teag. Arra dear honey, he was the best shaint in&#13;
the world, the father of all good people in the kingdom,&#13;
he lias a great kindness for an Irishman, when he hears&#13;
hiin calling on his name.&#13;
Tom. But, Paddy, is saint Patrick yet alive ?&#13;
Teag, Arra dear honey, I dont know whether he be&#13;
dead or alive, but it is a long time since they killed .him;&#13;
the people all turned heathens, but he would not change&#13;
his profession, and was going to run the country with it,&#13;
and for taking the gospel away to England, so the&#13;
barbarous tories of Dublin cutted off his head ; and he&#13;
swimmed over to England, and carried his head in his&#13;
teeth,&#13;
&#13;
�10&#13;
P A R T XI&#13;
tbm. H o w did you get safe out of Scotland P&#13;
Teag. By the law dear honey, when I came to Peart&#13;
Patrick, and saw my own kingdom* I knew I was safe&#13;
at home, but I was clean dead, and almost drowned before I could get riding over the water; for I with nine&#13;
passengers more, leapt into a little young boat, having&#13;
• Silt four mei dwelling in a little house, in the one end&#13;
of it, which was all thacked with deals: and after they&#13;
had pulled up her tether-stick, and laid her long halter&#13;
oVeibjber mane, they pulled up a long sheet, like three&#13;
oair bf blankets, to the riggen of the house, and the wind&#13;
• blew in that, which made her gallop up one hill and&#13;
down another, till I thought she would have run to the&#13;
• world's end..&#13;
Tom. Well Paddy, and where did you go when you&#13;
camd to Ireland again ?&#13;
Tmg* Arra dear honey, and where did I go but to&#13;
triy own dear cousin, who was now become very rich by&#13;
the death of the old buck his father; who died but a few&#13;
weeks before I went over, and the parish had to bury&#13;
him out of pity, it did not ,cost him a farthing.&#13;
Tpm. And what entertainment, did you get there ?&#13;
Teag. 0 my dear slioy, I was kindly used as another&#13;
gendeman, and would have staid there long enough, but&#13;
when a man is poor his friends think little of him: I told&#13;
him I was going to see my brother Harry: Harry, said&#13;
he, Harry is dead; dead said&#13;
and who killed him?&#13;
W h y , said he, death : Allelieu, dear honey, and where&#13;
did he kill him ? said I. In his bed, says he. Arra&#13;
dear honey, said I , if he had been upon Newry mountains with his brogues on, and his broad sword by his&#13;
side, all the death's in Ireland had not have killed him:&#13;
O that impudent fellow death, if he had let him alone&#13;
till he died for want of butter milk and potatoes, I am&#13;
sure he had lived all the days of his life.&#13;
Torn. In all your travels when abroad, did you a*mi&#13;
&#13;
�I1&#13;
see none of your countrymen to inform you of what&#13;
happened at home concerning your relations ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I saw none but Tom Jack,&#13;
one day in the street; but when I came to him, it was&#13;
not him, but one just like him.&#13;
Tom. On what account did you go a travelling ?&#13;
Teag. W h y a recruiting sergeant listed me to be a&#13;
captain, and after all advanced me no higher than a&#13;
soldier itself, but only he called me his dear countryman&#13;
recruit; for I did not know what the regiment was&#13;
when I saw them. I thought they were all gentlemen's sons, and coilegioners, when I saw a box like a&#13;
bible upon their bellies; until I saw G for King George&#13;
upon it, and R for God bless him: ho, ho, said I , I&#13;
shan't be long here.&#13;
Tom. O then Paddy you deserted from them ?&#13;
Teag. That's what I did, and ran to the mountains&#13;
like a buck, and ever since when I see any soldiers I&#13;
close my eyes, lest they should look and know me.&#13;
Tom. And what exploits did you when you was a&#13;
soldier ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I killed a man.&#13;
Tom. And how did you do that ?&#13;
Teag, Arra, dear honey, when he dropt his sword I&#13;
drew mine, and advanced boldly to him, and then&#13;
cutted off his foot.&#13;
Tom. O then what a big fool was you; for you&#13;
ought first to have cut off his head.&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, his head was cutted off before I engaged him, else I had not done it.&#13;
ffim. O then Paddy you acted like a fool: but you&#13;
are not such a big fool as many take you to be, you&#13;
might pass for a philosopher.&#13;
Teag. A fulusipher, my father was a fulusipher, besides he was a man under great authority by law, condemning the just and clearing the guilty. Do you know&#13;
how they call the horse's mother ?&#13;
Tom. W h y they call her a mare.&#13;
&#13;
�12&#13;
Teag. A mare, ay, very well minded, my fathei was&#13;
a mare in Cork.&#13;
Tom. And what riches was left you by the death of&#13;
your mother ?&#13;
Teag. A. bad luck to her own bairen belly, fur she&#13;
lived in great plenty, and died in great poverty; devoured&#13;
tip all or she died but two hens, and a pockful of potatoes,&#13;
a poor estate for an Irish gentleman, in faith.&#13;
Tom. And what did you make of the hens, and&#13;
potatoes, did you sow them ?&#13;
Teag. A n a , dear shoy, I sowed them in my belly,&#13;
and sold the hens to a cadger.&#13;
Tom. What business did your mother follow after ?&#13;
Teag. Greatly in the merchant way.&#13;
Tom. And what sort of goods did she deal in P&#13;
Teag. Dear honey, she went through the country and&#13;
sold small fishes, onion's and apples, bought hens and&#13;
eggs and then hatched them herself. I remember of a&#13;
long-necked cock she had, of an oversea brood, that&#13;
stood on the midden and picked all the stars out of the&#13;
north-west, so they were never so thick there since.&#13;
Tom. Now Paddy, that's a bull surpasses all: but is&#13;
there none of that cock's offspring alive now.&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I don't think there are, but&#13;
it is a pity but they had, for they would fly with people&#13;
above the sea, which would put the use of ships out of&#13;
fashion, and nobody be drowned at all.&#13;
Tom,, Very well. Paddy, but in all your travels did&#13;
you ever get a wife ?&#13;
Teag. A y , that's what I did, and a wicked wife too,&#13;
and my dear shoy, I can't tell whether she is gone to&#13;
Purgatory, or the parish of Pig-trantrum; for she told&#13;
me she should certainly die the first opportunity she&#13;
could get, as tins present evil world wTas not worth&#13;
the waiting on, so she would go and see what good&#13;
tilings is in the world to come; so when that old rover&#13;
called the Fever came raging over the whole kingdom,&#13;
she went away and died out of spite, leaving me nothing&#13;
but two motherless children.&#13;
&#13;
�13&#13;
Tom. 0 but Paddy, you ought to have gone to a&#13;
doctor, and got some pills and physic for her.&#13;
Teag. By shaint Patrick, I had as good a pill of my&#13;
own as any doctor in the kingdom could give her.&#13;
Tom. O you fool, that is not what I mean; you&#13;
ought to have brought the doctor to feel her pulse, and&#13;
let blood of her if he thought it needful.&#13;
Teag. Yes that's what I did, for I ran to the doctor&#13;
whenever she died, and sought something for a dead 01&#13;
dying woman; the old foolish devil was at his dinner,&#13;
and began to ask me some dirty questions, which I answered distinctly.&#13;
Tom. And what did he ask Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. W h y , he asked me, How did my wife go to&#13;
stool ? to which I answered, the same way that other&#13;
people go to a chair: no, said he, thfet's not what I&#13;
mean, how does she purge ? Arra, Mr. Doctor, said&#13;
I, all the fire in Purgatory wont purge her clean; for&#13;
she has both a cold and stinking breath. Sir, said he,&#13;
that is not what I ask you ; whether does she shit thick&#13;
or thin P Arra, Mr. Doctor, said I, it is sometimes so&#13;
thick and hard, that you may take it in your hand, and&#13;
cut it like a piece of cheese, or pudding, and at other&#13;
times you may drink it, or sup it with a spoon. A t&#13;
this he flew into a most terrible rage, and kicked me&#13;
down stairs, and would give me nothing to her, but&#13;
called me a dirty vagabond for speaking of shit before&#13;
ladies.&#13;
Tom. And in what good order did you bury your wife&#13;
when she died.&#13;
Teag. O my dear shoy she was buried in all manner&#13;
of pomp, pride, and splendour: a fine coffin with cords&#13;
in it, and within the coffin along with herself, she got a&#13;
pair of new brogues, a penny candle, a good hard-headed&#13;
old hammer, with an Irish sixpenny piece, to pay her&#13;
passage at the gate, and what more could she look for.&#13;
Tom. I really think you gave her enough along with&#13;
her, but you ought to have cried for her, if it was no&#13;
more but to be in the fashion.&#13;
&#13;
�14&#13;
And why should I cry without sorrow ? whm&#13;
d two criers to cry all the way before her to keep&#13;
her in the fashion.&#13;
Tom. And what do they cry before a dead woman?&#13;
Teag* Why they cry the common cry, or funeral&#13;
lament that is used in our Irish country.&#13;
Tom. And what manner of cry is that Paddy ?&#13;
Teag* Dear Tom, if yen don't know Til tell you, when&#13;
v my person dies, there is a number of criers goes before,&#13;
saying, Luff, fuff, fou, allelieu, dear honey, what aileth&#13;
ihee to die ! it was not for want oF good buttermilk and&#13;
potatoes,&#13;
P A R T III.&#13;
.te*. WELL Paddy, and what did you do wheri youi&#13;
Wife died ?&#13;
*&#13;
Teag. Dear honey, what would I do? do you think 1&#13;
Was such a big fdol as to die too, I am lure if I had I&#13;
would not have got fair play when I to not so old yet&#13;
as my father was when he died.&#13;
Tomi No, Paddy/ it is not that I mean, Was fifty&#13;
sorry, or did you weep for her ?&#13;
Teag. Weep for her, by shaint Patrick I would not&#13;
weep, nor yet be sorry, suppose my own mother and all&#13;
the women in Ireland had died seven years before I was&#13;
bom.&#13;
'&#13;
Tom. What did you do with your children when sh#&#13;
died?&#13;
Teag. Do you imagine I was "such a big fool as bury&#13;
my children alive along with a dead woman; Arra, dear&#13;
honey, We always commonly give nothing along with a&#13;
dead person, but an old shirt, a winding sheet, a big&#13;
hathiner, with a long candle, and an Irish silver threepenny piece ?&#13;
Tom. Dear Paddy, and what do they make of all&#13;
these things ?&#13;
Teag. Then Tom, since you are so inquisitive, you&#13;
mu^t go ask the Priest.&#13;
Ihm, What did you make of your children Paddy f&#13;
&#13;
�li&#13;
Teag. And what should I make of them, do you&#13;
Imagine that I should give them into the hands of the&#13;
butchers, as they had been a parcel of young hogs : by&#13;
shaint Patrick' I had more unnaturality in me, than to&#13;
put them in an hospital as others do.&#13;
Tom. No, I suppose you woul&lt;Heave them with your&#13;
friends ?&#13;
Teag. Ay, ay, a poor man's friends is sometimes worse&#13;
Ihan a profest enemy, the best friend I ever had in the&#13;
Vorld was my own pocket while my money lasted j but&#13;
1 left two babes betweeii the priest's door and the parish&#13;
church, because I thought it was a place of mercy, and&#13;
then set out for England in quest of another fortune.&#13;
Tpm. I fancy, Paddy, you came off with what they&#13;
call a moon-shine flitting.&#13;
Teag. You lie like a thief now, for I did not see sun,&#13;
moon, nor stars, all the night then: for I set out from&#13;
Cork at the dawn of night, and I had travelled twenty&#13;
miles all but twelve, before gloaming in the morning.&#13;
Tom. And where did you go to take shipping?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I came to a country village&#13;
called Dublin, as big a city ^s any market-town in all&#13;
England, where I got myself aboard of a little young&#13;
boat, with a parcel of fellows, and a long leather bag.&#13;
I supposed them to be tinklers, until I asked what they&#13;
carried in that leather sack; they told me it was the&#13;
English mail they were going over with; then said I , is&#13;
the milns so scant in England, that they must send over&#13;
their com to Ireland to grind it, the comical cunning&#13;
fellows persuaded me it was so: then I went down to a&#13;
little house below the water, hard by the rigg-back of&#13;
the boat, and laid xm down on their leather sack, where&#13;
I slept myself almost to death with hunger. And dear&#13;
Tom to tell you plainly when I waked I did not know&#13;
where I was, but thought I was dead and buried, for I&#13;
found nothing all round me but wooden walls and timber&#13;
above.&#13;
Tom. And how did ye,&#13;
to yourself to know&#13;
where you w*s at last.&#13;
&#13;
�16&#13;
Teag. By tfie law* dear shoy, I scratched my head&#13;
m a hundred parts, and then set rne down to think upon&#13;
it, so I minded it was my wife that was dead and not&#13;
me, and that I was alive in the young boat, with the&#13;
fellows that carries over the English meal from the Irish&#13;
milns.&#13;
Tom. O then Paddy, I am sure you was glad when&#13;
you found yourself alive ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I was very sure I was alive,&#13;
but I did not think to live long, so I thought it was&#13;
better for me to steal and be hanged, than to live all my&#13;
days and die directly with hunger at last.&#13;
Tom. Had you no meat nor money along with you ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I gave all the money to the&#13;
captain of the house, or gudeman of the ship, to take me&#13;
into the sea or over to England, and when I was like to&#13;
eat my old brogues for want of victuals I drew my&#13;
hanger and cut the lock of the leather sack to get a lick&#13;
of their meal; but allelieu, dear shoy, I found neither&#13;
meal nor seeds, but a parcel of papers and letters—a&#13;
poor morsel for a hungry man.&#13;
Tom. 0 then paddy you laid down your honesty foi&#13;
nothing.&#13;
Teag. A y , ay, I was a great theif but got nothing to&#13;
steal.&#13;
Tom. And how did you get victuals at last ?&#13;
Teag. Allelieu, dear honey, the thoughts of meat and&#13;
drink, death and life, and every thing else was out of&#13;
mind, I had not a thought but one.&#13;
Tom. And what was that Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. To go down among the fishes and become a&#13;
whale; then I would have lived at ease all my days,&#13;
having nothing to do but to drink salt water, and eat&#13;
caller oysters.&#13;
Tom. What was you like to be drowned again ?&#13;
Teag. A y , ay, drowned, as cleanly drowned as a fish,&#13;
£&gt;r the sea blew very loud, and the wind ran so high,&#13;
that we were all cast safe on shore, and not one of us&#13;
drowned at all.&#13;
&#13;
�17&#13;
Tom. Where did you go when you came on shore ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I was not able to go any&#13;
where* you might cast a knot on my belly, I was so&#13;
hollow in the middle, so I went into a gentleman's house&#13;
and told him the bad fortune I had of being drowned&#13;
between Ireland and the foot of his garden; where we&#13;
came all safe ashore. But all the comfort I got from&#13;
him was a word of truth.&#13;
Tom. And what was that Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. W h y he told me, if I had been a good boy at&#13;
home, I needed not to have gone so far to push my fortune with an empty pocket; to which I answered, and&#13;
what magnifies that, as long as I am a good workman&#13;
at no trade at all.&#13;
Tom. I suppose, Paddy, the gentleman would make&#13;
you dine with him ?&#13;
Teag. I really thought I was, when I saw them&#13;
roasting and skinning so many black chickens which was&#13;
nothing but a few dead crows they were going to eat;&#13;
ho, ho, said I , them is but dry meat at the best, of all&#13;
the fowls that flee, commend me to the wing of an o x :&#13;
but all that came to my share was a piece of boiled herring and a roasted potatoe, that was the first bit of bread&#13;
I ever eat in England.&#13;
Tom. Well, Paddy, what business did you follow&#13;
after in England when you was so poor.&#13;
Teag. What sir, do you imagine I was poor when I&#13;
came over on such an honourable occasion as to list, and&#13;
bring myself to no preferment at all. As I was an able&#13;
bodied man in the face, I thought to be made a brigadeer,&#13;
a grandedeer, or a fuzeleer, or even one of them blew&#13;
gowns that holds the flerry stick to the bung-hole of the&#13;
big cannons, when they let them off, to fright away the&#13;
French; I was as sure as no man alive ere I came from&#13;
Cork, the least preferment I could get, was to be riding-master to a regiment of marines, or one of the black&#13;
horse itself.&#13;
Tom. And where in England was it you listed ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I was going through that&#13;
&#13;
�18&#13;
little country village, the famous city of Chester, the&#13;
streets were very sore by reason of the hardness of my&#13;
feet, and lameness of my brogues, so I went but very&#13;
slowly across the streets, from port to port is a pretty&#13;
long way, but I being weary thought nothing of it; then&#13;
the people came all crowding to me as I had been a&#13;
world's wonder, or the wandering jew; for the rain blew&#13;
In my face, and the wind wetted all my belly, which&#13;
caused me to turn the backside of my coat before, and&#13;
my buttons behind, which was a good safegaurd to iny&#13;
body, and the starvation of my naked body, for I had not&#13;
a good shirt.&#13;
Tom. I am sure then, Paddy, they would take you&#13;
for a fool ?&#13;
Teag. No, no, sir, they admired me for my wisdom,&#13;
for I always turned my buttons before, when the wind&#13;
blew behind, but ;! wondered how the people knew my&#13;
name and where I came from: for every one told another,&#13;
that was Paddy from Cork: I suppose they knew my&#13;
fece by seeing my name in the newspapers*&#13;
Tom, Well,. Paddy, what business did you follow in&#13;
Chester ?, '&#13;
Teag,. To be sure I was not idle, working at nothing&#13;
at all, till a decruiting seargeant came to town with two&#13;
or three fellows along with him, one beating on a fiddle,&#13;
and another playing on a drum, tossing-their airs thro'&#13;
the streets, as if they were going to be married, I saw&#13;
them courting none but young men; so to bring mysell&#13;
to no preferment at all, I listed for a soldier,—I was too&#13;
big for a grandedeer.&#13;
Tom. What listing money did you get, Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I got five thirteens and a pah&#13;
of English brogues ; the guinea and the rest of the gold&#13;
was sent to London, to the King, my master, to buy&#13;
me new shirts, a cockade, and common treasing for my&#13;
hat, they made me swear the malicious oath of devilrie&#13;
against the King, the colours, and my captain, telling&#13;
me if ever I desert, and not run away, that I should be&#13;
-hot, find then whipt to death through the regiment&#13;
&#13;
�If&#13;
&#13;
Tom. No Faddy: it is first whipt and then shot yon&#13;
mean.&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, it is all one thing at last, but&#13;
it is best to be shot and then whipt, the cleverest way&#13;
to die I'll warrant you.&#13;
Tom. How much pay did you get, Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. Do you know the little tall fat seargeant that&#13;
feed me to be a soldier ?&#13;
Tom. And how should I know them I never saw you&#13;
fool&#13;
Teag. Dear shoy, you may know him whether you&#13;
see him or not, his face is all Jjored in holes with the&#13;
small pox, his no«a is the colour of a lobster-toe, and&#13;
Ids chin like a well washen potatoe, he's the biggest&#13;
rogue in our kingdom, you'll know him when you meet&#13;
him again : the rogue height me sixpence a day, kill or&#13;
no kill: and when I laid Sunday and Saturday both&#13;
together, and all the days in one day, I can't make 8&#13;
penny above fivepence of it.&#13;
Tom. You should have kept an account, and asked&#13;
your arrears once a month.&#13;
Teag. That's what I did, but he reads a paternoster&#13;
out of his prayer book, wherein all our names are written;&#13;
so much for a stop-hold to my gun, to bucklers, to a&#13;
pair of comical ham-hose, with leather buttons from top&#13;
to toe ; and worst of all, he would have no less than a&#13;
penny a week, to a doctor; arra, said I, I never had&#13;
a sore finger, nor yet a sick toe, all the days of my life,&#13;
then what have 1 to do with the doctor, or the doctor&#13;
to do with me.&#13;
Tom. And did he make you pay all these things ?&#13;
Teag. A y , ay, pay and better pay: he took me before&#13;
his captain, who made me pay all was in his book.&#13;
Arra, master captain, said I, you are a comical sort of&#13;
a fellow now, you might as well make me pay for my&#13;
coffin before I be dead, as to pay for a doctor before I&#13;
be sick; to which he answered in a passion, sir, said he,&#13;
I have seen many a better man buried without a coffin;&#13;
sir, said I, then I'll have a coffin, die when I will, if&#13;
&#13;
�20&#13;
there be as much wood in all the world, or I shall not&#13;
be buried at all. Then he called for the sergeant, saying, you sir, go and buy that man's coffin, and put it in&#13;
the store till he die, and stop sixpence a week of his pay&#13;
for it: No, no, sir, said I, I'll rather die without a coffin,&#13;
and seek none when I'm dead, but if you are for clipping&#13;
another sixpence off my pay, keep it all to yourself, and&#13;
I'll swear all your oaths of agreement we had back again,&#13;
and then seek soldiers where you will.&#13;
Tom. O then Paddy, how did you end tke matter ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, by the nights of shaint Patrick&#13;
and help of my brogues, J both ended it, and mended it,&#13;
for the next night before that, I gave them leg bail foi&#13;
my fidelity, and went about the country a fortune-teller,&#13;
dumb and deaf as I was not.&#13;
Tom. How old was vou Paddy when you was a soldiei&#13;
last ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear honey, I was three dozen all but&#13;
two, and it is only two years since, so I want only foui&#13;
years of three dozen yet, and when I live six dozen more,&#13;
I'll be older than I am, I'll warrant you.&#13;
Tom. O but Paddy, by your account, you are three&#13;
dozen of years old already.&#13;
Teag. O what for a big fool are you now Tom, when&#13;
you count the years I lay sick; which time I count no&#13;
time at all.&#13;
A N E W C A T E C H I S M , &amp;c.&#13;
Tom. OF all the opinions professed in religion tell me&#13;
now, Paddy, of what profession art thou P&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, my religion was too weighty&#13;
a matter to carry out of mine own country: I was afraid&#13;
that you English Presbyterians should pluck it away from&#13;
me.&#13;
Tom. What, Paddy, was your religion «uch a load&#13;
that you could not carry it along with you ?&#13;
Teaq* Yes, that it was, but I carried it always about&#13;
With me when at home my sweet cross upon my deai&#13;
breast, bonnd to my dear button hole.&#13;
&#13;
�21&#13;
Tom. and what manner of worship viid you perform&#13;
by that ?&#13;
Teag. Why I adored the cross, the pope, and the&#13;
priest, cursed Oliver as black as crow, and swears myself a cut throat against all Protestants and church of&#13;
Englandmen.&#13;
Tom. And what is the matter but you would be a&#13;
church of Englandman, or a Scotch Presbyterian yourself, Paddy ?&#13;
Teag. Because it is unnatural for an Irishman: but&#13;
had shaint Patrick been a Presbyterian, I had been the&#13;
same.&#13;
Tom. And for what reason would you be a Presby*&#13;
terian then, Paddy?&#13;
Teag. Because they have liberty to eat flesh in lent*&#13;
and every thing that's fit for the belly. *&#13;
Tom. What, Paddy, are you such a lover of flesh that&#13;
you would change your profession for it ?&#13;
Teag. O yes, that's what I would, I love flesh of all&#13;
kinds, sheep's beef, swine's mutton, hare's flesh, and&#13;
hen's venison; but our religion is one of the hungriest in&#13;
all the world, ah J but it makes my teeth to weep, and&#13;
my belly to water, when I see the Scotch Presbyterians,&#13;
and English churchmen, in time of lent, feeding upon&#13;
bulls' bastards, and sheep's young children.&#13;
Tom. Why Paddy, do you say the bull is a fornicator&#13;
and gets bastards ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I never saw the cow and her&#13;
husband all the days of my life, nor before I was born,&#13;
going to the church to be married, and what then can&#13;
his sons and daughters be but bastards ?&#13;
Tom. What reward will you get when you are dead,&#13;
for punishing your belly so while you are alive ?&#13;
Teag. By shaint Patrick I'll live like a king when&#13;
I'm dead, for I will neither pay for meat nor drink.&#13;
Tom. What, Paddy, do you think that you are fcc&#13;
come alive again when you are dead ?&#13;
Teag. O yes, we that are true Roman Catholicswill live a long time after we are dead; when we d»&#13;
&#13;
�m&#13;
k lore with the Priests, and the good people of em&#13;
profession.&#13;
Tom. And what assurance can your priest give von&#13;
of that?&#13;
Tmg. Arra, dear shoy, our priest is a great shaint,&#13;
a good shoul, who can repeat a pater-noster and Ave&#13;
Maria, which will fright the very horned devil himself,&#13;
and make him run for it, until he be like to fall and&#13;
break his neck.&#13;
Tom. And what does he give you when you are dying&#13;
that makes you come alive again ?&#13;
rTeag.&#13;
Why he writes a letter upon our tongues, sealed with a wafer, gives us a sacrament in our mouth, with&#13;
a pardon, and direction in our right hand, who to call for&#13;
at the ports of Purgatory.&#13;
Tom. And what money design you to give the priest&#13;
for your pardon ?&#13;
Teag. Dear shoy 1 wish I had first the money he&#13;
would take for it, I would rather drink it myself, and&#13;
then give him both my bill and my honest word, payable&#13;
in the other world.&#13;
Tom. And how then are you to get a passage to the&#13;
other world, or who is to carry you there ?&#13;
Teag. 0 my dear shoy, Tom, you know nothing of&#13;
the matter: for when I dies they will bury my body,&#13;
flesh, blood, dirt, and bones, only my skin will be blown&#13;
up full of wind and spirit, my dear shoul I mean; and&#13;
then I will be blown over to the other world on the&#13;
wings of the wind ; and after that I'll never be lolled,&#13;
hanged nor drowned, nor yet die in my bed, for when&#13;
hxiy hits rne a blow, my new body will play buff upon it&#13;
Lke a bladder.&#13;
Tom. But what way will you go to the new world,&#13;
or where is it P&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, the-priest knows where it is&#13;
but I do not, but the Pope of Rome keeps the outerport, shaint Patrick the inner-port, and gives us a direction of the way to shaint Patrick's palace, which sstands&#13;
&#13;
�m th* head of the SfcaHan loch, where Pi) have rs© mere&#13;
to ito but chap at the gate,&#13;
Tom. What is the need for chapping at the gate, is&#13;
it not always open ?&#13;
Teag. Dear shoy, you know little about it, for there&#13;
is none can enter but red hot Irishmen, for when I call&#13;
Alieh'eu, dear honey, shaint Patrick countenance your&#13;
own dear countryman if you will, then the gates will be&#13;
opened directly for me, for lie knows and loves an Irishman's voice, as he loves his own heart.&#13;
Tom. And what entertainment will you get when you&#13;
are in ?&#13;
Teag. 0 my dear, we are all kept there untill a general&#13;
review, which is commonly once in the week; and then&#13;
we are drawn up like as many young recruits, and all&#13;
the blackgaurd scoundrels is pict out of the ranks, and&#13;
one half of them is sent away to the Elysian fields, to&#13;
curry the weeds from among the potatoes, the other half&#13;
of them to the River sticks, to catch fishes for shaint&#13;
Patricks table, and them that is owing the priests any&#13;
money is put in the black-hole, and then given to the&#13;
hands of a great black bitch of a de?il, which is keeped&#13;
for a hangman, who whips them up and down the smoky&#13;
dungeon every morning for six months.&#13;
Toift, Well Paddy, are you to do as much justice to&#13;
a Protestant as a Papist ?&#13;
Teag. 0 my dear shoy, the most justice we are commanded to do a Protestant, is to whip and torment them&#13;
until, they confess themselves in the Romish faith ; and&#13;
then cut their throats that they may die believers.&#13;
Tom. What business do you follow after at present ?&#13;
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I am a mountain sailor and&#13;
my supplication is as follows.&#13;
PADDY'S&#13;
&#13;
HUMBLE PETITION,&#13;
&#13;
OR&#13;
&#13;
SUPPLICATION.&#13;
&#13;
Christian people, behold me a man ! who has com'd&#13;
through a world of wonders, a hell full of hardships,&#13;
dangers by sea, and dangers by land, and yet I am alive;&#13;
you may see my hand crooked like a fowl's foot, and&#13;
GOOD&#13;
&#13;
�that is no wonder at all considering my sufferings and&#13;
sorrows. Oh! oh ! oh ! good people. I was a man&#13;
in my time who had plenty of the gold, plenty of the&#13;
silver, plenty of the clothes, plenty of the butter, the&#13;
beer, beef, and biscuit. And now I have nothing:&#13;
being taken by the Turks and relieved by the Spaniards,&#13;
lay sixty-six days at the siege of Gibralter, and got&#13;
nothing to eat but sea wreck and raw mussels ; put to&#13;
sea for our safety, cast upon the Barbarian coast, among&#13;
the wicked Algerines, where we were taken and tied&#13;
with tugs and tadders, horse-locks, and cow-chains:&#13;
then cut and castcate yard and testicle quite away, put&#13;
in your hand and feel how every female's made smooth&#13;
by the sheer bone, where nothing is to be seen but what&#13;
is natural. Then made our escape to the desart wild&#13;
wilderness of Arabia; where we lived among the wild&#13;
asses, upon wind, sand, and sapless ling. Afterwards&#13;
put to sea in the hull of an old house, where we were&#13;
tossed above and below the clouds, being driven through&#13;
thickets and groves by fierce, coarse, calm, and contrary&#13;
winds: at last, was cast upon Salisbury plains, where&#13;
our vessel was dashed to pieces against a cabbage stock.&#13;
And now my humble petition to you, good Christian&#13;
people is, for one hundred of your beef, one hundred of&#13;
your butter, another of your cheese, a cask of your biscuit, a tun of your beer, a keg of your rum, with a pipe&#13;
of your wine, a lump of your gold, a piece of your silver,&#13;
a few of your half-pence or farthings, a waught of your&#13;
butter-milk, a pair of your old breeches, stockings, m&#13;
shoes, even a chaw of tobacco for charity's sake.&#13;
&#13;
�</text>
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