64 10 639 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/01355e41de7262be08c397a3594d2d48.jpg b82ed7c1b6acd0adabfa1312827432c7 Omeka Image File The metadata element set that was included in the `files_images` table in previous versions of Omeka. These elements are common to all image files. Bit Depth 8 Channels 3 Height 2870 Width 1740 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks, Scottish Chapbook - Scotland - Glasgow Rosline, Battle of, Scotland, 1303 Description An account of the resource "The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 to which are added, Jack in his Element. Virtue and Wit, the Prefervatives of Love and Beauty. The Lover's Summons." A chapbook that describes, in five pages, the Battle of Rosline, 1303. Printed by J.& M. Robertson, Saltmarket, 1803. Dimensions: 5.7"L by 3.5"W Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Unknown Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1803 Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923267923505154">s0066Fb13</a> Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Scotland Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Extent The size or duration of the resource. 8 pages 15 cm https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/72461e064f3318f4e1369c0409c5b12f.jpg dde54fec2a46a26fec9ac552945a37de Omeka Image File The metadata element set that was included in the `files_images` table in previous versions of Omeka. These elements are common to all image files. Bit Depth 8 Channels 3 Height 2880 Width 1740 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks, Scottish Chapbook - Scotland - Glasgow Rosline, Battle of, Scotland, 1303 Description An account of the resource "The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 to which are added, Jack in his Element. Virtue and Wit, the Prefervatives of Love and Beauty. The Lover's Summons." A chapbook that describes, in five pages, the Battle of Rosline, 1303. Printed by J.& M. Robertson, Saltmarket, 1803. Dimensions: 5.7"L by 3.5"W Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Unknown Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1803 Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923267923505154">s0066Fb13</a> Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Scotland Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/d9df7d66927582cd180367e53bffae06.jpg 8134bbe092766d61036a1088b0f7c4db Omeka Image File The metadata element set that was included in the `files_images` table in previous versions of Omeka. These elements are common to all image files. Bit Depth 8 Channels 3 Height 2870 Width 1750 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks, Scottish Chapbook - Scotland - Glasgow Rosline, Battle of, Scotland, 1303 Description An account of the resource "The Battle of Rosline fought on the Plains of Rosline, 1303 to which are added, Jack in his Element. Virtue and Wit, the Prefervatives of Love and Beauty. The Lover's Summons." A chapbook that describes, in five pages, the Battle of Rosline, 1303. Printed by J.& M. Robertson, Saltmarket, 1803. Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Unknown Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1803 Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923267923505154">s0066Fb13</a> Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Scotland Extent The size or duration of the resource. 8 pages 15 cm Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/170d1c1d81b57d9718c801555ffcd207.pdf 87612f2f3d8482fceb4dfe44421620f6 PDF Text Text THE SCRAP-BOOK: A SELECTION OF THE BEST JOKES, PUNS, COMIC SAYINGS, JONATHANISMS, &c., &c. GLASGOW? PRINTED FOr THE BOOKSELLERS. Price One Penny. 2 ��THE SCRAP-BOOK. A gentleman, complaining to his bootmaker that a pate of boots recently sent were too short, and that he wanted a pair to cover the whole calf, had the following jeu sent to him :— d'esprit These boots were never made for me, They are too short by half; I want them long enough, d'ye see, To cover all the calf. Why, sir, said Last, with stifled smile, To alter them I'll try; But if they cover all the calf \ They must be;five feet high. A gentleman, who had gained a handsome fortune by unremitted industry, was once accosted with, ' I say, John, why don't you have a coat of arms on your arms ; when I first came into L I wore a coat carriage without An elderly lady, telling her age, remarked that she was born on the 22d of April. Her husband, who was present, observed, * I always thought you were born on the first of April.' ' People might well judge so,' responded A gentleman remarking that he had lost his watch through the carelessness of a servant, in leaving the house concluded by saying—' However, it was a poor one. Miss B. replied, ' Why, sir, a gentleman like you should have kept a better watch: Unguarded, A gentleman looking at his watch, just after midnight, it is to-morrow morning ! i must bid you goodnight arms.' ?' ' Oh !' said th the matron, ' in the �4 * That's what I call a repetition,' exclaimed a friend the other day. 4 What's that, Tom ?' said we. 4 Why, look at that sign across the way—J. E. Weller, jeweller.' lAm I not a little pale inquired a lady, who was rather short and corpulent, of a crusty old bachelor. 4 You look more like a big tub,' was the blunt reply. An Irishman fights before he reasons; a Scotchman reasons before he fights ; an Englishman is not accommodate his customers, particular A recent philosopher discovered a method to avoid being dunned ! 4 How—how—how?' we hear everybody asking. Never run in debt. 4 How beautiful,' said a lady, 4 the face of nature looks after undergoing a shower !' 4 Yes, madam, and so would yours"; after undergoing a similar process.' Dr. Samuel Johnson, when travelling in Invernessshire think we have been deviating the last half hour.' 4 Like 4 but I've been divoting here eneuch,' replied the man, sin' six o'clock this morning.' w A pretty girl was lately complaining to a friend that she had a cold, and was sadly plagued in her lips by chaps (cracks or clefts.) 4 Friend,' said Obadiah, 4 thee should never suffer the chaps to come near thy lips.' An American physician announces that he has changed his residence to the neighbourhood of the churchyard, which he hopes may prove a convenience to his numerous pa When Bishop Aylmer observed his congregation inattentive, he used t Bible, at which the people naturally stared with astonishment. listening to what concerned them not, while they were inattentive to matters in which their best interests were deeply involved. If wisdom's ways you'd wisely seek, Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak—to whom you speak—• And how—and when—and where. �5 4 What is light ? asked a schoolmaster of the booby of a class. 1 A sovereign that isn't full weight is light,' was the prompt reply. If your sister, while tenderly engaged in a tender conversation a glass of water from an ad joining room, you can start on the errand, but you need not return. You will not be missed, that's certain—we've seen it tried. Don't forget this, little boys. Lord Campbell tells of a judge who wound up a one-pound note, in this horribly facetious manner:—4 And I trust that, through the merits and mediation of our blessed Redeemer, you may there experience that mercy which a due regard to the credit of the paper currency of the country forbids you to hope for here.' with her tender sweetheart, as sentence of death, at because you can catc 4 Illustrated with cuts,' said a young urchin, as he drew his jack-knife across the leaves of his spelling-book. "Which travels fastest, heat or cold ? Heat does ; Why is an infant like a diamond ? Because it is a dear little thing. A correspondent asks, 4 Whom do the papers mean by Our Foreign Relations?' Why, our Cousins-German, of course. Dr. Franklin, talking of a friend of his who had been a Manchester dealer, said, 4 That he never sold a piece of tape narrower than his own mind/ There is a man at Gravesend so mean, that he wishes his landlord to reduce the price of his board, because he has had two of his teeth extracted. A fop, just returned to England from a continental tour, was asked how he liked the ruins of Pompeii. ' Not very well,' was the reply ; 4 they are so dreadfully out of repair!' During a consultation of physicians on the character of a Bacchanalian patient, how to cure his fever, and abate his thirst, the sick man observed, ' Gentlemen, if you will cure the fever, I will take half the trouble off your hands, and abate the thirst myself.' �6 A glass of soda water was offered the other day to an Irishman, who rejected it with the greatest indignation. 4 Do you think I am a salamander,' said he, 4 to drink water boiling hot V By Mac and 0 , you'll always know True Irishmen, they say; For if they lack both '0 and Mac, No Irishmen are they. Law and logic are like a piece of india-rubber, easily pulled into any shape. An amorous swain told the story of his heart's affections with a microscope. Fatal gift! she viewed his imperfections thr An authoress speaks of boys of eighteen or twenty as having arrived at an 4 age of detestability.' In a certain benighted part of the country may be seen, on the outside of a humble cottage, the following inscription in 4 A Seminary for Young Ladies This was, perhaps, too abstruse for the villagers, as immediately und 4 Notey Beny—Allso, a Gals skool.' An Irishman some time ago was committed to the House of Correction for a misdemeanour, and sentenced to work on the tread-wheel for the space of a month. He observed, at the expiration of his task,—4 What a grate dale of fatigue and botheration it would have saved us poor crathers, if they had but invinted it to go by stheeme, like all other water-mills; for burn me if I have not been afther going up stairs for this four weeks, but could not reach the chamber-door at all, at all.' A Dutch householder, bragging of his worldly gear, writes:— I've got a pig cat and I've got a pig tog, I've got a pig calf and I've got a pig hog, I've got a pig baby so pig and so tall, And I've got a pig vife dat's pigger as all. 4 Class in spelling, come up and recite.' * yeth, thir. spell effects; 4 F-X.' ' r i g h t , Next, spell seedy, 4C-D: 4 right again.' 4 John, �7 Why are young ladies like arrows ? all in a quiver when the beaus come. BecauSe they are Why is a talkative young man like a young pig ? An Irishman being informed that it was the intention of the government to call out the militia, made the where I'm quartered.' Because, following if he lives, he reply:—' I'm hanged if I care Why is a good sermon like a kiss ? Do you give it up ? Because it only requires two heads and an application I ' I do declare, Sal, you look pretty enough to eat. ' Well, Solomon, ain't 1 eating as fast as I can ? replied Sal, with her mouth full. ' Barber, I think this towel has been in use long enough !' 'It has been used more than six weeks, and no one has ever found fault with it before.' A romantic youth promenading in a fashionable street of New York, picked up a thimble. He stood awhile, meditating upon the probable beauty of the owner, when he pressed it to his lips, saying, 4 Oh that it were the fair cheek of the wearer !' Just as he had finished, a stout elderly negress looked out of an upper window, and said, 4 Massa, jist please to bring dat fimble of mine in de entry—I jist drapt it.' Two Irishmen meeting one day, one of them inquired of the other if he had seen his friend Pat Murphy lately: 1 For,' said he, ' he has grown so thin that you would not know him at all. You are thin, and I am thin, but, by the powers, he is thinner than both of us put together.' 1 Sambo, whar you get dat watch you wear to meetin' lass Sunday ? 4 how you know hab watch ? 4 Bekase I seed de chain hang out de pocket in front.' ' Go 'way, nigger ! ' Spose you see halter round my neck, you tink dar is horse inside ob me ? ^ A person in want of an occupation, and advertising for the same in the Times, informs the world, that 4 The advertiser being highly respectable, suit.' ^ This gentleman seems to be somewhat less consequential logically than he is personally. Hi given as K.—Should it not have been'S.N.O.B. ? �8 * Colonel W is a fine-looking man, isn't he ? said a friend the other day. ' Yes,' replied another ; 4 1 was taken for him once.' 4 You ! why you're as ugly as sin.' ' I don't care for that, I was taken for him once—I A witness in an Irish Court of Justice stated that he was suddenly roused from his slumbers by a blow on his head. ' And how did you find yourself ? asked the endorsed coun 4 If you are a cingle man, Pik, taik my advice, and stay so ; or, if you will marry—if you mus have a wyf— never permit yourself to be overcum by a widder ? Thems the sentiments of one who has tried and noes.' 4 It is a curious fact,' says the Medical Times, 4 that the most carnivorous quadrupeds are more averse to devouring tender sex. A witty rogue, brought before a Parisian tribunal for a drunken riot, on one occasion, assured the bench that he was not a drunkard, but in his childhood he was bitten by a mad dog, and he had ever since a horror of water. 4 1 don't like to play forfeits,' said Jemima, 4 and have all the fellows kissing me—it makes me commonprop responded Bemus. The local American papers state that a teacher in Virginia, giving lessons in geography, asked a boy, ' What state do you live in ? The urchin hit the fact when he bawled out, 4 A state of sin and misery.' Dr. Wing, being asked where a young lady's waist began, replied, 4 At the altar. The moment they have you trapped, they come down on your pocket-book like a hawk upon a May bug. After they are married they are all waste.'' What a libellous fellow ! The principal of an academy, in his advertisement, mentioned his female assistant, and the 4 reputation for teaching which she bears;' but the printer—carelessfellow forth commending the lady's reputation for 4 teaching she bears /' �9 Mrs. Partington came into the room in a state of great excitement. 4 Do you know,' said she, 1 they have formed another of those coalitions? Well, 1 declare it is too bad. The price of coals will be up to I don't know what.' ' Bill, you young scamp, if you had your due, you'd get a good whipping.' 4 1 know it, daddy, but bills are not always paid when due.' The agonised father trembled lest his hopeful son should be suddenly snatched from him. A young man being cured of a martial predilection by being present in a skirmish, it was said of him that he had an itch for military distinction, but the smell of sulphur cured it. A man by the name of Philo, who was married to a lady named Sophy, observed, that uniting his name with the lady's, put him in possession of philosophy. A captain of a vessel loading coals, went into amerchant'scounting-ho The merchant, looking towards his clerks, replied—41 have a number of them, but none, I believe, wish to be hauled over the coals.' An old farmer, whose son had died lately, was visited by a neighbour, who began to condole with him on his loss. ' My loss!' exclaimed the father, 1 no such thing— his own loss—he was of age.' A vagrant called at a house on a Sunday, and begged for some cider. The lady refused to give him any, and he reminded her of the oft-quoted remark, that she 4 might entertain an angel unawares.' 4 Yes,' said she, 4 but angels don't go about drinking cider on Sundays.' Time to me this truth has taught, 'Tis a truth that's worth revealingMore offend for want of thought Than from any want of feeling. If advice we would convey, There's a, time we should convey i t ; If we've but a word to say, There's a time in which to say it. A Yankee editor remarked, in a polemical article, that though he would not call his opponent a liar, he must that if the gentleman had intended to state what was utterly false, he had been remarkably successful in his attempt, ' Say, �10 A celebrated divine, who had prided himself upon his originality, and who would reject his best thought if he imagined it was traceable to any previous author, was startled one day by a friend coolly telling him that every word of his favourite discourse was stolen from a book he had at home. The astonished writer, staggered by his friend's earnestness, begged for a sight of this volume. He was, however, released from his misery by the other smilingly announcing the work in question to be 4 Johnson's undertake to find every word of your discourse.' D After listening to Bushfield Ferrand's fervid appeal at New Malton, a shrewd Yorkshire farmer was asked what he thought of the speech ? His reply was, simply, 4 Why, I don't know, but I think six hours' rain would nae done us a deal mair good !' A n American, formerly master of a vessel, who recently returned from California, where he has been operating for about a couple of years, was thus accosted :—' Well, Captain H., I suppose you have made enough this trip to stay at home, and lay off the rest of your days ?'— 4 Well, yes, I have made something.' Pursuinghis'interroga stuff did you bring home ?'—4 Well, sir, about as much as a good donkey could haul down-hill upon ice.' During the late session at N — — , a man was brought up by a farmer, and accused of stealing some ducks. The farmer said, he should know them anywhere, and went on to describe their peculiarity. 4 Why,*' said the counsel for the prisoner, 4 they can't be such a very rare breed— I have some like them in my yard.' 4 That's very likely, sir,' said the farmer: 4 these are not the only ducks of the sort I have had stolen lately.' There is one disease that a miser is pretty sure never to die of—-and that is, 4 enlargement of the heart.' Medicine has killed as many people as war. Powder and pills are as fatal as powder and ball. Be careful, therefore, how you allow people to shoot them into you. 4 Och, an' what's yer honor agoin' to give me, seeing as it's myself that saved yer honor's house from turnin' to ashes intirely?' 4 How, so, Pat?'— 4 An sure, when it cotched afire, wasn't I the second one that hollered fire first?' �11 Come, Doctor,' said a sinner to a clerical saint, ' 1 can give you a treat—a bottle of claret forty years old.' The doctor was in raptures, and eagerly accepted the only to be a pint bottle. ' Waes me,' said he, taking it up in his hand, 4 but it's unco wee of its age !' 44 invitation When Nelson said to his men at Trafalgar, 4 England expects every man to do his duty,' three Scotchmen who were standing at their guns exclaimed, 4 He never mentioned himself, rejoined, 4 His Lordship is just coaxing the English ; he knows Sandy will do his work when wanted, without coaxing.' A short time since, an invalid sent for a physician; and, after detaining him for some time with a description of his pains, said, ' Now, doctor, you have humbugged me long enough with your good-for-nothing pills and worthless you would strike the cause of my ailment, if it'is in your 4 It shall be done,' said the doctor, at power to reach it.' the same time lifting his cane, and demolishing a decanter of spirits that stood upon the sideboard. A man with one eye laid a wager with another man, that he (the one-eyed person) saw more than the other. The wager was accepted. 4 You have lost,' says the first; 4 1 can see the two eyes in your face, and you can see only one in mine.' An old clergyman was in the habit, as soon as he got into the pulpit, of placing his sermon in a crevice under the cushion, where he left it during the singing of the accustomed psalm. One Sunday he pushed the sermonbook too far into the crevice, and lost it. When the psalm was concluded, he called the clerk to bring him a Bible. The clerk, somewhat astonished at this unusual request, brought him a Bible as he was desired. The clergyman opened it, and thus addressed his congregation—4 My brethren, I have LOST MYSERMON; but I will read you a, chapter in JobWORTHTEN OF IT.' Mrs. Wagner having presented her husband daughter, He 'put it in the Times,' which was well; but we are not satisfied that he was called add, 'her eleventh child,' unless he intended warning to bachelors. with a all very upon to it as a ; when, to his poor Scotia;' but one of the syrups; they don't touch the re �12 An old gentleman of eighty years having taken to the altar a young damsel of sixteen, the clergyman said to him, 4 The font is at the other end of the church.'4 Whatdo beg your pardon,' said the clerical wit, 1 1 thought you had brought this child to be christened.' In a club, the other day, sat two gentlemen, one of whom has attained fame upon canvas, the other upon paper. He of the pencil was remarkably complimentary to him of the pen—so much so indeed, that the latter at length, with a good-natured laugh, exclaimed, 4 Why, my good fellow, you really show the versatility of your genius in the most striking light: you prove that you can paint not only in oil, but—in butter!' Horne Tooke, being asked by George III. whether he played at cards, replied, 4 1 cannot, your majesty, tell a king from a knave.' A sign in front of a shop in a village near Exeter, has the following :—4 Kakes and bear, sold her.' An addition in width has been added, to inform the public, that 4 1 make my sign a little vider, to let the people know that I sell sider.' A fire-eating Irishman, covered with wounds received in duels, challenged a barrister* who gratified him by an acceptance. The duellist, unable to stand without support, requeste said he, * I lean against this milestone ?' 4 With pleasure,' r against the next.' The challenger burst into a roar of laughter at the joke, and swore he would not fight so good-humoured a gentleman. A Glasgow youth walking with his sweetheart along Queen-street of that city, stopped at the door of a pastry cook's shop, and addressing his lady-love, said, ' Now, my dear, what will you take ? She, expecting to be treated to some of the good things of the shop, modestly replied, 4 1 will take anything you like.' 4 Then,' sayS he, 4 we will take a walk,' and marched past the shop. A gentleman one day observed to Henry E r s k i n e , who was a great punster, that punning was the lowest of wit* 4 It is so,' answered Erskine, 4 and therefore the foundation of all wit' �13 Maximilian being requested to grant an individual a patent of nobility for a certain sum—4 I can make you richer,' said Maximilian,4 but none can ennoble you "but your own virtue? The late Lord Jeffrey, when pleading one day before old Lord Newton, the judge stopped him, and asked him in broad Scotch, ' Whaur were ve educat, Mr. Jeffrey ?' 'Oxford, my lord.' ' Then I doubt ye maun gang back there agin, for we can mak nocht o' ye here.' On another occasion, the advocate, in stating his case before the same judge, happened to speak of an itinerant 4 Vulgarly * so called, my lord,' answered the spirited advocate. violinist. 4 D'ye mean a blin' fiddler The only kind of mistakes we are in favour of is when an old bachelor gets married. Such miss-stakes are popular among the ladies. Lord Braxfield (a Scotch judge) once said to an mon, but I'm thinking ye wad be nane the waur o' a hanginV Why should Joseph Ady be a leading man in the decided passion for the universal diffusion of letters. eloquent education culprit at the bar, 4 Yo movement ?—Because he has all We notice the marriage of Mr. Day to Miss Field, which presents this singular anomaly, that although he won the Field, she gained the Day. Some things come by odd names. The most uncommon half a mile long is a 4 brief;' and a melancholy ditty, devoid of sense or meaning, is a 4 glee.' quality in nature is called ' common The following bull appears in the AmericanPresident'smessage rece with all the world, and we seek to maintain our cherished relations with the rest of mankind.' When James Beresford, author of 4 The Miseries of •Human Life,' was at the Charterhouse School, he was a Remarkably gay and noisy fellow ; and one day, having Played truant to attend a concert, the school (says southey) was so quiet without him, that his absence WaS atoncedetected, and brought upon him a flogging. �A gentleman while skating fell into the water, and ran imminent risk of his life. A man with some difficulty preserver with a sixpence. The bystanders expressed some surprise respecting the insufficiency of the sum ; but the man coolly observed, that the gentleman knew 'best what his own life was worth, and walked off. The following anecdote is told in illustration of the Scotch veneration for the Sabbath :—A geologist, while in the country, and having his pocket hammer with him, took it out and was chipping the rock by the wayside for examination. His proceedings did not escape the quick eye and ready tongue of an old Scotch woman. 4 What are you doing there, man ? 1 Don't you see ? I'm breaking a stone.' 4 Y'are doing mair than that; y'are breaking the Sabbath.' An old bachelor, in counselling a young friend, hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.' cautioned A young gentleman was recently asked to 'take something.' sixpence, which he accordingly" pocketed and marched off. It is considered a great compliment in the east, to say to a young girl, 4 Your skin is as clear and beautiful as the fresh peel of an onion just drawn out from between its flakes!' A Bremen journal contains the following advertisement :—4 A young married, is desirous of meeting a man of experience who will dissuade him from such a step. Address,' &c. It is not always a mark of kindness to possess an open countenance* A n alligator is a deceitful creature, and yet he presents an open countenance when in the very act of taking you in. When Prince Gonzago was in England, he dined in company with Dr. Johnson, and thinking it was a polite thing to drink the doctor's health with some p r o o f that he had read his works, called out from the top of the table to the bottom—that table filled with company— 4 At your good health, Mr. Vagabond!' instead of Mr. Rambler/ �15 ' I say, Henry Charles, you have been to hong-Kong, haven't you?'—'Yes.' 'Well, can you speak China? 4 y-e-s, a little: that is, I speak broken china? 41 shall soon die, Cuffy—I must soon set out upon a long journey.' 4 Berry well (replied Cuffy), I guess hab good going, because it's all the way down hill.' Mr. Hunt, in a lecture on Common Law, has remarked, * That a lady, when she married, lost her personalidentity—herdistinctive swallowed by a sunbeam.' To such an extent is veneration for the fair sex carried in San Francisco, that a party of Oregonians stopped to have a dance round an old cast-off bonnet. ' Will the galvanic rings cure depression ?' asked a lady. 4 What has caused the complaint, ma'am V asked the doctor. 4 The loss of my husband,' mournfully replied the lady. 4 Then you had better get a wedding ring,' answered the doctor. A gentleman sat down to write a deed, and began with 4 Know all women by these presents.' 4 You are wrong,' said a bystander' it ought to be "know all men,'" 'Very well,' answered the other, 4 if all women know it, all men will, of course.' Conductor (very loud).—4Go on, Bill; here's that ugly old cove wot always kicks up such a row, and makes hisself so disagreeable, jus , Driver.—' Oh, as he ? Hi've a deuced good mind to pitch im hover, hand break his stupid old 'ed !' What news to-day ? said a merchant to his friend lately.^ 4 What news ?' responded the other, 4 nothing, only times are growing better ; people are getting on their legs again.' 4 On their legs !' said the first.' 4 1 don't see how you can make that out.' 4 Why, yes,' walk now; is not that getting on their legs again'?' ' What are you going to give me for a Christmas man, who meekly replied, that he had nothing to offer but his humble self. 4 The smallest favours gratefully received,' was the cheerful response. replied present the other, 4 folks ?' asked a merry damsel o �16 A gent, was asked what kind o f ' gal' he preferred for his wife. 4 One,' he said, 4 that wasn't prodi-gal, but frugal—a Buggins {at breakfast table).— 'Mary Anne, bring me a egg.' Finished Daughter4 An egg, if you please, father; an egg, not a egg—pray speak correctly.' Buggins4 A negg is it, my dear—a negg, eh ? Well, Mary Anne, instead of one, you may bring two neggs!' A N IRISHMAN'S DESCRIPTION OF MAKING A CANNON.— Take a long hole and pour brass round it. The Dublin Commercial Journal has the following: " One of the habitues of the theatre the other evening, talking of female authors, said that, though they have tact, grace, and finesse, they have no creative genius, and seldom produce any perfect work. i It is easy to see,' said Mrs. L., the actress,4 that it was a woman who gave you birth.' w A gentleman dining at a fashionable hotel, whose servants them for a cut of beef After a long time the lad returned, and placing it before the faint and hungry gentleman, was asked, 4 Are you the lad who took away my plate for this beef ?'—4 Yes, sir.'—4 Bless me,' resumed the hungry wit, 6 how you have grown !' 'Father,' said a juvenile apothecary, to his learned 'dad,' 4 what's the reason they don't use pestles in battle?' 4 Pestles, my son, what should they do with pestles in battle?' 4 Why, the Wellington dispatches say the mortars did great execution, and I can't see how, without pestles?' 4 Pound away, my son, and don't puzzle me with your questions. Mortars and pestles do a great deal of damage, without being used on the field of battle.' A clergyman, coming to a poor woman's cabin, amongst other questions asked her how many commandments there were? 4 Truly, sir,' said she, 4 1 cannot tell'— 4 Why, ten,' said he.— 1 A fine company,' replied she, 4 God bless you and them together.'—4 Well, but neighbour,' says he, * do you keep these commandments ?'—' Ah, the Lord in heaven bless you, sir, I am a poor woman, and can hardly keep myself; so how can I bear the charge of keeping so many commandments ? were 4 f �(17 The following notice appeared on the west end of a church in Watling Street: 4 Any person sticking bills against this church, will be prosecuted according 'to law, or ANY OTHER NUISANCE.' A horse-dealer, selling a nag, frequently observed, with much earnestness, that he was an honest horse. After the purchase, the gentleman asked him what he meant by an honest horse. 4 Why, I'll tell you,' replied the Jockey. 4 Whenever I rode him, he always threatened to throw me ; and hang me if he ever deceived me.' An Englishman and a Welshman disputing in whose country was the best living, the Welshman said, 4 There is such noble housekeeping in Wales, that I have known about a dozen cooks employed at one wedding dinner.' 4 Ah,' answered the Englishman, 4 that was because every man toasted his own cheese.' An Irishman having accidentally broken a pane of glass in a window, was making the best of his way out of sight; but, unfortunately for Pat, the proprietor"stole a march on him ; and having seized him by the collar, ' To be sure I did,' said Pat; 4 and didn't you see me exclaimed, running 4 You broke my wi home for money to p 4 1 should just like to pay you off,' as John Bull said to the National Debt. -1 wish I could get things into the right train,' as the unprotected female said to herself, when she saw her luggage going away from her in all directions. 4 ^ Why is a hen walking, like a conspiracy ?—Because it's a foul proceeding. What is the difference between a chicken with a wing and one without a wing?—There is a difference of a pinion (opinion). We may set it down as an axiom, that young ladies cannot know everybody's name, when it is utterly twelvemonth hence! A Yankee student being asked how many genders there were, said 'three—masculine, feminine, and neutral;' and defined them as follows:—' Masculine, men.; feminine, women ; and neutral, old bachelors.' impossible for them to know what �18 'Shon,' Said a Dutchman, 'you may say what you please pout pad neighbours ; I have had te vorst neighbours wit dere ears split, and todder day two of them come home missing Soon after Dr. Johnson's return from Scotland to London, a Scottish lady, at whose house he was, as a compliment ordered some hotch-potch for his dinner. After the Doctor had tasted it, she asked him if-it was good ? To which he replied, * Very good for hogs /' 4 Then pray,' said the lady, 'allow me to help you to a little more of it.' An Irish doctor advertises, that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey Street, where his blind patients may see him from 10 till 3. 4 Pat,' said a gent, to his servant, 'what's all that noise in the street ?' 4 Oh, nothing, sir; they're only forcing a man to turn volunteer.' When you are in at a neighbour's in the evening, and a man asks his wife how long before she is going to bed, you may safely conclude that you had better leave. The following advertisement appeared lately in an Irish newspaper: 4 This is to notify Patrick 0'Flaherty, who lately left his lodgings, that if he does not return soon, and pay for the same, he shall be advertised.'' Some days ago, a pretty, bright little juvenile friend, some five years of age, named Rosa, was teased a good deal by a gentleman who visits the family; he finally wound up by saying: 4 Rosa, I don't love you.' 4 Ah, but you've got to love me,' said the child. 4 How so ? asked her tormentor. 4 Why,' said Rosa, 4 the Bible says you must love them that hate you, and I am sure I hate you!' At an infant-school examination a few days ago, the examiner asked, 4 What fish eat the little ones ? * The big 'uns,' shouted a little urchin. 4 Don't you understand me, Jim ?' thundered the old man. 4 Why, you must be quite a fool.' 4 True, I am very near one, meekly replied Jim. A constant frequenter of city feasts having grown enormously fat, it was proposed to write on his back, Widened at the expense of the Corporation.' �19 • * Well, Alick, how's your brother Ike getting along these times V ' Oh, first rate—got a good start in the world ; married a widow with nine children.' A little girl inquired of her friend, who had passed her eighth year, ' What causes the rain V to which the the tears shed by angels over the sins of the world.' following beautiful reply was given: ' T . A gentleman, inquiring of a naval officer why sailors generally take off their shirts when going into* action, was answered, ' that they may not nave any check to fightin'.' An American editor states that a friend of his carries his sense of honour so far, as to spend all his time in advantage of time. perfect idleness, because he do A poor Irishman offered an old saucepan for sale. His children gathered around him, and inquired why he parted with it. ' Ah, my honeys,' answered he, 4 1 would not be a f t e r parting with it, but for a little money to buy something to put in it.' A gentleman calling for some beer at another gentleman's again without drinking. 4 'What!' said the master of the house, ' don't you like the beer ?' ' It is not to be found fault with,' answered the other, 4 for we should never speak ill of the dead: table, finding it very bad, gave it to At an excellent hotel, not a hundred miles from Liverpool, they were one day short of a Wived Hibernian was hastily made to supply the place or a more expert hand. ' ' Now, Barney,' said mine host, mind you serve every man with soup, anyhow.' ' Bedad. I'll do the s a m e >' the alert Barney. °n the start, and Barney, after helping all but one guest, c a m e upon the last one. ' Soup, sir ?' said Barney." 4 No S0?P for me,' said the gent. 4 But you must have it,' l m -Barney; 'it is the rules of the house.' ' D—n the house, exclaimed the guest, highly exasperated ; 'when 'i don't want soup I won't eat it—get along with you.' well said barney, with solemnity, 'all I can say is jist the regulations of the house, and the divi'l a drop else ye'll get till ye finish the soup!' The traveller n gave in, and the soup was gobbled. �20 Lately in the Court of Exchequer, a builder'sscaff and does nothing, and orders everybody else to work.' Some time ago, a provision merchant's shop in Leith had on its signboard, 4 Butter sold here for smearing sheep and bakers.' 4 Well, John,' said a doctor to a lad, whose mother he had been attending during her illness, 'how is your mother V 4 She's dead, I thank you, sir,' was the reply. A gentleman well acquainted with a certain alderman, being asked what sort of a Lord Mayor he thought he would make, answered, ' An unaccountable one.' Horace Walpole tells a story of a Lord Mayor of small-pox twice, and died of it, asked if he died the first time or the second. Lon A servant girl said the other day, that she gave but twelve pence for the cap she had on her head ; a gentleman 4 A steam-boat (Jonathan says) has got a saw-mill on one side, and a grist-mill on t'other, and a blacksmith's shop in the middle, and down cellar there's a tarnation great pot boiling all the time.' "Why is twice eleven like twice ten ? Because twice eleven is twenty-two, and twice ten is twenty too. A letter passed through the Shields Post-office a short time ago, * For BetsyROBINSON,a Scotch Woman with One Eye, Carey Bank, North Shields.' A woman offering to sign a deed, the judge asked her whether her husband compelled her to sign. 4 He ' How is your son to-day V asked a friend of a to compose his agitated features: 4 Very bad, indeed! i would not give ten per cent, for his chance of life.' ^J 6 You had better ask for manners than money,' said a finely-dressed gentleman to a beggar boy who had asked for alms. 4 1 asked for what I thought you had the most of,' was the boy's reply. compe stockbrot �21 Pat. Murphy, residing in Raymond Street, was lately fined twenty shillings and costs, for keeping six full* grown pigs in his front 'parlour ! 4 1 wonder how they make lucifer matches?' said a young lady to her husband, with whom she was always quarrelling. 4 The process is very simple—I once made one,' he answered. 'How did you manage it?'—'By leading you to church.' W e are authorised to say that Mr. John Macdonald of Mansfield Wood House, who attained his hundredth year last November, will run any man in England, his own weight and age, for any sum. N.B.—No hurdles. A gentleman passing through one of the public offices was affronted by some clerks, and was advised to abused here by some of the rascals in this place, and have come to acquaint you of it, as I understand you are the principal.' complain to the principal A young lady, a native of Sydney, being asked if she should like to go to Britain, answered that she should like to see it, but not to live in it. On being pressed for her reason, she replied, 4 That from the large number of bad people sent out from thence, it must surely be a very wicked place to live in !' Did our readers ever remark that the gentlemen who * carry round the plate, and who are always on a cold scent after a penny, are not themselves very liberal in their contributions ? 4 Why don't you put in something?' asked a contributor, of oneof'these Sunday sub-treasurers, on one occasion. 4 That's my business,' was the reply : * what I give is nothing to nobody /' 'What are you writing there, my boy?' asked a fond parent the other day of his hopeful son and heir, a shaver of ten years.—4 My'composition, thir.' 4 What is thesubject?'—'Internationallaw, thir,' replied the Grotius ; ' but really I shall be unable to conthentrate my ideas, and give them a logical relation, if I am conthantly interrupted in thith manner by irrelevant inquiries.' A widow said once to her daughter, 4 When you are of age, you will be dreaming of a husband.' 4 Yes, mamma,' replied the thoughtless little hussy,6 for a second time, �22 * What are you about, my dear V said his grandmother to a little boy who was sliding along the room, and casting furtive glances at a gentleman who was paying a visit. 41 am trying, grandmamma, to steal papa's hat out of the room, without letting that one see it,' said he, pointing to the gentleman, 4 for papa wants him to think that he . is out.'" O'Connell, in one of his speeches in Conciliation Hall, told his followers, that if measures injurious to Ireland were brought into Parliament, he would go over to opposition to them;' and when he came back he would say, * Are you for Repeal now ?' England, A few days since, a person threw the head of a goose on to the stage of the Belleville Theatre. Cotru advancing you has lost his head, do not be uneasy, for I will restore it on the conclusion of the performance.' A Liverpool furrier informs those ladies 4 who wish to have a really genuine article,' that he will be happy to make them muffs, boas, &c., of 4THEIR OWN SKINS!' A provincial contemporary is ungallant enough to say that the ladies—Heaven bless 'em !—are never in time except on the wedding-day, and then they wait up all night to prevent being too late in the morning. An advertisement of cheap shoes and fancy articles, inserted in a certain newspaper, has the following nota bene:—4N.B. Ladies wishing those cheap shoes will do well to call soon, as they will not last long' A retired son of St. Crispin, who had amassed considerable wealth, used to put the letters F.R.S. and C. after his name. He translated them thus:—4 First Rate Shoemaker and Cobbler.' 4 What are you engaged in ?' said the head printer of a newspaper establishment to one of the compositors. 4 In an elopement.' 4 Stop,' said his interrogator, 4 1 want you to share in a murder.' 4 Make way here,' said a member of a republican deputation, 4 we are the representatives of the people.' 4 Make way yourself,' shouted a sturdy fellow from the throng, 4 we are the people themselves!' �23 The following advertisement was recently inserted in a New York paper:—6 "Wanted—An experienced nurse to take charge of a young child, between 30 and 35 years old, of unexceptionable character and good reference. None need apply who cannot produce the best testimonials.' A simple Highland girl, on her way home for the north, called, as she passed by Crieff upon an old master with whom she had formerly served. Being kindly ceremony of asking a blessing having been gone through, the poor girl, anxious to compliment, as she conceived, her ancient host, exclaimed, 4 Ah, master, ye maun hae a grand memory, for that's the grace ye had when I was wi' you seven years ago.' invited by him to share in t A countryman busy sowing his ground, two smart fellows riding that way, one of them called to him with an insolent air, 4 Well, honest fellow,' said he, 4 'tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour.' To which the countryman replied, 4 'Tis very like you may, for I am sowing hemp.' A wit being asked what the word genius meant, replied, 4 If you had it in yo means.' A person, who was famous for arriving just at dinnertime, visitor), was asked by a lady of the house if he would do as they did. On his*replying he should be happy to have the pleasure, she replied, 4 Dine at home, then.' He, of course, had received his quietus for some time, at least. upon going to a friend's ( Two gentlemen, a few days since, took a boat at Blackfriar's-bridge to go to the Tower. One of them asked the other who sat beside him, if he could tell him what countryman the waterman was. He replied he could not. ' Then,' said his friend, ' I can ; he is a Ro-man.' A Cockney being told the above, said 4 the pun was wherry good.' During a late crowded night at Covent Garden Theatre, a pretty woman, on wh powerful sudorific, attracted general attention. Agentlemanafterviewingherfor a few minutes, exclaimed A charming painting in oil: �24 The inhabitants of Mount Street, Southampton, were alarmed one morning at three o'clock by a drunken fellow it?' exclaimed a hundred voices at once. 4 That's exactly 4 for my pipe's what I want to know,' replied the fellow, gone out.' For the gout, says one, toast and water; for bile, and patience; for toothache, pluck it out. c exercise; A venerable Scotch minister used to say to any of his flock who were labouring under affliction, 4 Time is short, and if your cross is heavy, you have not far to carry it.' La Motte, who had lost his eyesight, being one day in a crowd, accidently trod upon the foot of a young man, who instantly struck him on the face. * Sir,' said La Motte, 4 you will be sorry for what you have done, when 1 tell you that I am blind.' Coward is a feudal expression, implying cow-herd, for which employment a man void of courage was deemed only fit for. Mr. Wilmot, an infidel, when dying, laid his trembling emaciated hand upon the sacred volume, and exclaimed solemnly, and with unwonted energy, 4 The only objection Franklin, one of the greatest philosophers and the Scotch mathematician, and author of many learned works, was at first a poor weaver. Herschel, one of the most eminent astronomers, rose from the low station of a fifer boy in the army. These examples show us the happy effects of assiduity and perseverance. statesmen There are boys who think themselves men, and who goto barbers' shops to be, as they say, 4 bared.' We eard of a juvenile who went to be scraped, and the barber skin, left him and went lounging about his door. As soon as the young 4 gent.' saw him sauntering, he impatiently scre all this time here for ?' The witty barber replied, 4 I'm waiting until your beard grows!' T o FIND 4 MEAN' TIME.—Learn of Molly the maid the time of dinner, and always drop in at the exact moment. � https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/71978326b518834a84ad8e57e9ab3ea3.jpg a55484d0ed6487f8d14f9fd3e65215cf Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Illustration on title-page of a young girl standing in a drawing room gesturing towards book on a table. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 004: Title-page illustration a girl standing in a drawing room gesturing towards a book on a table. Document A resource containing textual data. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre text. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Scrap-Book: A Selection of the Best Jokes, Puns, Comic Sayings, Jonathanisms, &amp;c., &amp;c Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks - Scotland - Glasgow Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1856 per University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9953133963505154">s0098b48</a> Extent The size or duration of the resource. 24 pages Abstract A summary of the resource. This chapbook contains 24 pages of jokes, anecdotes, and interesting stories. While many of the selections in this chapbook are of the humorous variety the topics have a great deal of range and also contain general interest stories. Is Referenced By A related resource that references, cites, or otherwise points to the described resource. <p dir="ltr"><span>University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks&nbsp;</span><a href="http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/">http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/</a></p> <div>&nbsp;</div> Is Part Of A related resource in which the described resource is physically or logically included. Chapbook #20 in a bound collection of 34 chapbooks Description An account of the resource "2" printed at the bottom of title-page Woodcut #04: Illustration on title-page of a girl standing in a drawing room gesturing towards a book on a table. Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph ca.519-824-4120, Ext 53413 Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Type The nature or genre of the resource wit & humor # of Woodcuts: 1 Architecture: window(s) Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: 1851-1860 Chapbook Genre: wit & humor Chapbook Publisher - Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Fashion (Clothing): bloomers Fashion (Clothing): children's clothes Fashion (Clothing): dress Fashion (Clothing): stockings Fashion (Clothing): upper class Furniture: table(s) Gender: girl(s) Indoor Scene Object: book(s) Object: curtain(s) https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/354b85379ead89d11ed26f1c7ff8cef0.pdf 1c2a5d0e785af4e236a078e19da8a8ee https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/fb3d50e03a3a979fc2c4c3b3bfc8e6fd.jpg 6a5c7899c675cba3f57d1e026b72cfb6 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Printed by G. Caldwell Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource no date Title A name given to the resource Woodcut on title-page of a man sitting at a dinner table reaching out to a dog. https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/b0c0f026851ecb569093e5acc2b55e6f.jpg 1c84f4a8d86798a3a31ef47196c5b3e0 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/dab710eda351b987a1e0c37daa484f41.jpg d9674c63aa9780b63d709a68615b3482 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/4a582effd7ba96a8acf7b2546909938f.jpg b95f6248e7f780fdc3b6a64f88ee1973 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/0292a3e323df85b410372092f0b9edf2.jpg 6fe25eb7cbee41552c85534038b721ff https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/36fc6d4506d4d79827ada015a11d73a0.jpg 066bf677338d043322a13a4041b386d2 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/041301e929478a4f5f61f1bd8efcb905.jpg e9b965ff0396972fc156b3c2fbaa5f0a https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/c1cad5448532de9e1b9e8a41e75fcb94.jpg 044a634070008b1a13261e833c080df5 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 006: Title-page illustration of a man sitting at a dinner table; he is reaching out to a dog. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Margaret And The Minister; A True Tale, To Which is Added, Soda Water Description An account of the resource Printed below title: 'She ne'er before saw sicken fairlies, Sae mony antic turly-whurlies' printed below title Woodcut #06: Illustration on title-page of a man sitting at dinner table reaching out to a dog. Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival &amp; Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9953133973505154">s0042b27</a> Extent The size or duration of the resource. 8 pages Is Referenced By A related resource that references, cites, or otherwise points to the described resource. Scottish Chapbook Catalogue: Glasgow, Edinburgh Central Is Part Of A related resource in which the described resource is physically or logically included. A bound collection of 37 chapbooks; Chapbook #20 Alternative Title An alternative name for the resource. The distinction between titles and alternative titles is application-specific. Soda Water Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Subject The topic of the resource Religion and Morals Chapbooks - Scotland - Paisley Alcohol Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Paisley: G. Caldwell Type The nature or genre of the resource poetry Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Lochore, Robert, 1762-1852 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource no date Activity: dining Animal: dog(s) Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: no date Chapbook Publisher - Paisley: G. Caldwell Fashion (Clothing): breeches Fashion (Clothing): jacket Fashion (Clothing): pants Fashion (Clothing): scarves Fashion (Clothing): upper class Fashion (Clothing): waist coat Food & Drink Furniture: chair(s) Furniture: table(s) Gender: man/men Indoor Scene https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/2fcdfedf32e73fe45e8cf53bb63297f2.jpg 473c2dcf69fe85a8522da7d5106ad630 Omeka Image File The metadata element set that was included in the `files_images` table in previous versions of Omeka. These elements are common to all image files. Bit Depth 8 Channels 3 Height 3244 Width 1890 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut on title-page of a dancing sailor wearing a hat and open jacket with raised hand. https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/5a20bc36f87ef3d150256936fc163cf5.pdf 19acec1745bed8e8bf7edf88ee928f7c PDF Text Text • • y* THE HUMOUROUS ADVENTURES Jump Jim Crow. GLASGOW: PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS. 27 �ADVENTURES OF JIM CROW JIM C R O W ' S F I R S T A P P E A R A N C E IN T H E GALLERY. Here's de leaping Nigger, Berry well you know Him handsome face and figure, Jumping Jim Crow. Turn about and wheel about And do jis so ; Walk into the gallery And jump Jim Crow. If you down upon your luck, Neber care a pin, Noting cures de devils blue Like a hearty grin. Comicalities you've had, T o keep de game alive, Four good Numbers,/and Jim Crow Now offers No. 5* Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so ; If you do not split your sides I'm not Jim Crow ! �3 Of soldier, lawyer, parson, W e have seen de pliizzes, Barber, tailor, cobbler, and Many real quizzes— Now hab got a fresh lot, As you soon may know, And one that won't be soon forgot, Dat's Jim Crow Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so ; Freely put your threepence down, And jump Jim Crow I Corporate Nobs hi plenty, All great men, no doubt, Berry partial to Champagne, Love a good tuck-out! Of Alderman and Sheriff We'll treat you wid a sketch, And of de ugly customer Dev call Jack Ketch. Wheel about and turn about, And clo jis so : Neber want his sarvice To finish Jim Crow. Boys you'll find in plenty, Nigger no tell lies, Laugh to see de precious lot, Ebery sort and size— i �Boys who diive cabs patent Furious troo de street, Boy dat take out physic, And boy dat carry meat. Turn about and wheel about, Anddojisso; Trow physic to de dogs, say I, And jump Jim Crow. Hungry boy of charity, Skinny as a rat, Moder's pretty darling boy, Berry plump and fat— Lazy little schoolboy, Boy dat sings out 4 pot,' Wid many other rum boys, Nigger hab forgot. Turn about, wheel about, And do jis so ; Come and have a dish of for?, And jump Jim Crow. Here you'll find how coaches Travell'd long ago, Neber 110 capsizing, Berry sure, but slow ; Den see how much quicker Modern stages run, Berry fast, but not so safe, Break de neck like fun. Turn about and wheel about, &c. �5 B y and by dose coach Go widout a team, Engineer for Jarvey, Rattle on by steam ; Crack goes de boiler, Shocking ting, you know, Better pad de hoof wid me, And jump Jim Crow. Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so ; Berry bad when boiler crack, And smash Jim Crow. JIM CROW'S PERSONAL HISTORY. I come from ole Kentucky, a long time ago, When I first larnt to wheel about, and jump Jim Crow, I us'd to take him fiddle, eb'ry morn and arternoon, And charm de ole buzzard, and dance to de racoon. Yeel about and turn about, And do jis s o ; Eb'ry time I veel about, I jump Jim Crow. At hoeing of de sugar, or picking cotton, all de same, I us'd to beat de oder niggers, and give dem twenty in de game; �At last I went to seek my fortune, got up by break of day, Left my old shoes behind me, and off I ran away. Veel about, &c. "f*llf<>U > )tiiJ ? f I came to a riber, which I couldn't get across, So gib a couple of shillings for an old -blind horse : When I got up de oder side, I drove him up a hill, Oh, but de oder side look'd rather daffakil. Den I jump aboard on big ship, and cum across de sea, And landed on ole England, where de nigger am free, Veel about, &c. JIM C R O W ' S VISIT T O CHURCH. In New York I went to a nigger meeting, It was on a Sunday night, T o see old broder Clem, Dat dey say can read and w rite. Turn about and veel about, And do jis so ; Ebery time I turn about, I jump Jim Crow. • Vhen I got to de meeting-house, Dey say you better go, �'Kase you come to raise the debil here, And jump Jim Crow. Veel about, &c. So I crept through de window And sat myself a-down, Broder Clem gub out de text, Den dey hand dey plate around. Veel about, &c. In de ninety-leventh chapter Of de new Almanack, Dare it tell you all about De white man and black. Veel about, &c. He say dat Cain was de fuss man, Julycome Csesar was de toder— Dey put Adam on de treden mill, 'Kase he kill him broder. Veel about, &c. And den dat Mr. Sampson Was de man dat build de ark, Mr. Jonas was de fisherman W h o swallow up de shark. Veel about, &c. De rain pour down forty days, By de sailors' counting, �8 * And landed Sampson and de ark Upon de Alleghany mounting. V£el about, &c. J I M C R O W ' S D E S C R I P T I O N OP HAMLET. I sabe up all de pennies, And wid a sixpence tocler day, I went to Surry Teatre, T o see de Hamlet play; Dey put me in de gallery, In a corner by myself, I look'd like a monkey dere, Grinning on a shelf. Veel about, &c. Dey puli d up de curtin, And de first ting I see, Out came Massa Hamlet Wid his 4 Be, or not to be.' Den Hamlet grab him uncle, And choke him by de troat, And shake him like de debil, De last button off him coat. Veel about, &c �a ' s n a n a s M o o a a n x uoa : a&i.&md MODSYID o-V ^uoqy A *^uod unq go uo^nq (jstq 9 ( j '[iqap op o>|i[ uuq 9>p2qs puy op Xq luiq a>[oq} puy 'spun uiiq quaS ua(j ;aq 05 jou j o 'ag , siq pi^V 39[U1B£[ 13SSBJ\[ oimja ^UQ 'aas J ^sjij 8p puy 'un.mo op dti pjpid •03$ 'inoqB 1 •jpqs is u o i w i u u u * ) <9.I9p i(05[U0Ul U 9JJIJ p t ^ 0 0 [ [ 3 m b j Q raif dramj* 'jjasXui A(\ jouioo v. u j ap m out ?nd Xa(j i o p oos ojl 'a-i^aj, ICiang oj ^uaAv j 'iCup .lapo) oouadxis ^ piAv p u y *S9iuu9d 9p jp? dn 9qus j uaircvn S.AIOHO W I f do Moujraosaa ^noqu |99A •Sui^unoui XuBqSfojjy ap uodf| op pu« uosdiueg papuBj p u y ' Boys who diive cabs patent Furious troo de street, Boy dat take out physic, And boy dat carry meat. Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so; Trow physic to de dogs, say I, And jump Jim Crow. Hungry boy of charity, Skinny as a rat, Moder's pretty darling boy, Berry plump and fat— Lazy little schoolboy, Boy dat sings out 4 pot,' Wid many other rum boys, Nigger hab forgot. Turn about, wheel about, And do jis so ; Come and have a dish of fun, And jump Jim Crow. Here you'll find how coaches Traveli'd long ago, Neber no capsizing, Berry sure, but slow ; Den see how much quicker Modern stages run, Berry fast, but not so safr, Break de neck like fun. Turn about and wheel about, &c. 8 JBy and by dose coach Go widout a team, Engineer for Jarvey, Rattle on by steam; Crack goes de boiler, Shocking ting, you know, Better pad de hoof wid me, And jump Jim Crow. Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so ; Berry bad when boiler crack, And smash Jim Crow. JIM CROW S PERSONAL HISTORY. I come from ole Kentucky, a long time ago, When I first larnt to wheel about, and jump Jim Crow, I us'd to take him fiddle, eb'ry morn and arternoon, And charm de ole buzzard, and dance to de racoon. Veel about and turn about, And do jis so ; Eb'ry time I veel about, I jump Jim Crow. At hoeing of de sugar, or picking cotton, all de same, I us'd to beat de oder niggers, and give dem twenty in de garne; �'Supunoo tsao|it?s op 'sAup ifyjoj uA\op .mod uitu oQ ^noqt? p o ^ •3jj«qs op da A\ojpA\s o q ^ ueuuaifst} ep sruv snuof -JJ,\J op pyinq ^tjp ubiu op s u ^ uosdunsg uop p u y I A\0.IQ AILF $011 III J sopis juoA ^ijds ;ou op n o i S os sif op p u y ^noqe poqAV pus ^noq^ uanj, A\OJQ onjq S|iAop op soano SurjOfsj 'uid b ojbd aoqo^ '>pii[ jinoX iiodn UAVOP noA JJ uopoaq uiiq oq as^^J, ^jiiu uopoai op uo tuupy qnd — j o p o j op sbav ouiooXjnf 'ireiu ssnj op s\?a\ uu?q ^ p Xus off 'MOJQ unf damf p u y i os sif op puy ^noqa poqA\ pus ^noq« ujuj, •AVOJQ iuif ®uiduinp pun oouj ouiospu^q iuiH avou3| noX |O V X j j o g [A 'JO&SI^ Suidttoj op S4OJOJJ ^noqe p o ^ •5{Dl3[q pau ill!RI 0}iqA\ 0(1 5,uoq^ jp? n o i fspUUBlU|V A O op j ( ) VU ao^duip qiuoA8[-^oum op uj *da? '(jnoqti p o ^ •punojB o^B[d Xop puuq Xop UOQ ' j x o j op^tio quS iuo|Q jopoag; 'uAVop-u jpsXui pay A\opuiA\ op qSnojq) ^doaa J og •a\o.i3 tutf durnf p u y 'ojoq nq^p sqi Qsit?j o? ouioo no A ost?^ unf puu. 'saoqum^ pooS ano J 4 OAip omtfS op dooq ojl 'psq oajioX sopipoiuioQ •AHSmvO 3 H X NI a r o N Y H y a j d y x s u m a v o h o Hir j o S.AIOHO s : r a n x N 3 A a v L 6 s At last I went to seek my fortune, got up by break of day, Left my old shoes behind me, and off I ran away. Veel about, &c. I came to a riber, which I couldn't get across, So gib a*couple of shillings for an old .blind horse : When I got up de oder side, I drove him up a hill, Oh, but de oder side look'd rather daffakil. Den I jump aboard on big ship, and cum across de sea, And landed on ole England, where de nigger am free. Veel about, &c. JIM CROW'S VISIT TO CHURCH. In N e w York I went to a nigger meeting, It was on a Sunday night, T o see old broder Clem, Dat dey say can read and write. Turn about and veel about, And do jis so ; Ebery time I turn about, I jump Jim Crow. Vhen I got to de meeting-house, Dey say you better go, Of soldier, lawyer, parson, W e have seen de phizzes, Barber, tailor, cobbler, and Many real quizzes— N o w hab got a fresh lot, As you soon may know, And one that won't be soon forgot, Dat's Jim Crow Turn about and wheel about, And do jis so ; Freely put your threepence down, And jump Jim Crow ! Corporate Nobs in plenty, All great men, no doubt, Berry partial to Champagne, Love a good tuck-out! O f Alderman and Sheriff We'll treat you wid a sketch, And of de ugly customer Dev call Jack Ketch. Wheel about and turn about, And do jis so : Neber want his sarvice T o finish Jim Crow. Boys you'll find in plenty, Nigger no tell lies, Laugh to see de precious lot, Ebery sort and size— m c � Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 003: Title-page illustration of a dancing sailor wearing a hat, scarf, and open jacket. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Humourous Adventure of Jump Jim Crow Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks - Scotland - Glasgow Black Race Slavery Wit and Humor Description An account of the resource 27 at bottom of title-page Woodcut #03: Illustration on title-page of a dancing sailor wearing a hat, scarf, and open jacket Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923337893505154">s0368b43</a> <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923337903505154">s0564b74</a> Abstract A summary of the resource. <span>"</span>Jump Jim Crow" or "Jim Crow<span>" is a song and dance from 1828 that was done in&nbsp;</span>blackface<span>&nbsp;by white minstrel performer&nbsp;</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_D._Rice" title="Thomas D. Rice">Thomas Dartmouth (T. D.) "Daddy" Rice</a><span>. The song is speculated to have been taken from&nbsp;</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Crow_(character)" title="Jim Crow (character)">Jim Crow</a><span>&nbsp;(sometimes called Jim Cuff or Uncle Joe), a physically disabled&nbsp;</span>enslaved African<span>, who is variously claimed to have lived in St. Louis, Cincinnati, or Pittsburgh.</span><span>&nbsp;The song became a 19th-century hit and Rice performed all over the&nbsp;</span>United States<span>&nbsp;as "Daddy Pops Jim Crow"."--Wikipedia</span> Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1840-1850 ? per National Library of Scotland Extent The size or duration of the resource. 8 pages 16 cm Is Referenced By A related resource that references, cites, or otherwise points to the described resource. Scottish Chapbook Catalogue, Glasgow: NLS (2 copies), Glasgow Is Part Of A related resource in which the described resource is physically or logically included. Part of unbound collection (s0564b74) Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph ca.519-824-4120, Ext 53413 Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Type The nature or genre of the resource ballads & songs Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: 1841-1850 Chapbook Genre: ballads & songs Chapbook Publisher - Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Fashion (Clothing): jacket Fashion (Clothing): pants Fashion (Clothing): sailor uniform Fashion (Clothing): scarves Fashion (Clothing): top hat Fashion (Clothing): waist coat Fashion (Clothing): working class Gender: man/men Occupation : sailor Outdoor Scene https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/5db10cf436183fc24a98d7954f777fee.pdf 6189918b459bbd7096d155f48eed16b9 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/7c096d68554d5d1ff117772a717292e8.jpg 7f3853da9362a0826a15795a1d9ab833 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut on title-page portraying a young man wearing hat. He is standing in a field sharpening a scythe https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/f1736a3657d2478dc8003e5a715d3779.jpg 7485f1758c3a3cae85137aceb8e468b5 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/961a306506d85a518b639daa41f594e0.jpg d2be659639742c72f97113b6217204b6 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/0a1973c6eddee7839568480c43570be3.jpg f624a74f74edfa6c404e9a1539effcbf https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/4db5548b045de5fa3caa7208db444b27.jpg b3a266ea93eb49d917be72f12ae7b979 https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/9e0dce78d08a01f2d4ee462fdc9736f1.jpg 962875252e9e1b628a7674592cb25fdc https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/8d9240574a4f5e9e6298bc8303c1ebb2.jpg 8bd572b6a3153d25284485cfb65b873b https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/4a62505916c762e52eb0162012d47c6f.jpg 49523a166bc15a18fe9dcf8d8d413550 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 001: Title-page illustration of a young farmer sharpening a scythe in a field. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Humours of Glasgow Fair. And the Comical Song of Auld John Paul. Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks - Scotland - Glasgow Wit and Humor Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1840-1850 per National Library of Scotland Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9923337913505154">s0024ADb76</a> Extent The size or duration of the resource. 8 pages 16 cm Alternative Title An alternative name for the resource. The distinction between titles and alternative titles is application-specific. The Comical Song of Auld John Paul Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Type The nature or genre of the resource ballads & songs wit & humor Description An account of the resource Woodcut #01: Illustration on title-page of a young farmer sharpening a scythe in a field. # of Woodcuts: 1 Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: 1831-1840 Chapbook Genre: ballads & songs Chapbook Genre: wit & humor Chapbook Publisher - Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Fashion (Clothing): bonnet Fashion (Clothing): jacket Fashion (Clothing): pants Fashion (Clothing): working class Gender: man/men Occupation: farmer Outdoor Scene Tools: scythe(s) https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/bd3b3c6db8c4fd85e918eff53df46caf.jpg de342b26b8bc86c0452a2b1babff372b Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut on title page portraying Beehive with motto: Industry, Honesty, and Integrity https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/f24f19d8ccfc0944f4cb9f032d8d0fa8.pdf ce5a8e41d30f0bb9c31e4efabf58c8f1 PDF Text Text FUN UPON FUN; OK, LEPER, THE IN TAILOR. TWO WITH PARTS: A SELECTION OF ENTERTAINING ANECDOTES. GLASGOW: PKINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS �THE MERRY TRICKS OF LEPER, THE TAILOR. LEPEK'S father lived in a village about six miles from Glasgow, and died when he was but very young; he left a widow and three children, two daughters and a son ; Leper being the youngest, was greatly idolized by his mother, who was a good soft-natured woman, very industrious, and followed -th|e bleaching of cloth;. As Leper grew up he grew a very mischievous boy, playing many tricks in the neighbourhood, such as tying cats to dogs tails, breaking hens' legs, stopping people's lums, or chimney-tops.; >so that his poor Another was sadly vexed with complaints against him. • \ To get him kept from mischief, she prevailed with;a tailor to take him as an apprentice; he settled and was very peaceable for some time, untillie got as much of his trade on his finger ends as he might pass for a journeyman, aild then he was indifferent whether he stayed with his master or Hot; his mistress gave him but very little meat when he wrought at home, so he liked �3 best to be in other houses, where he got meat and diversion. Leper being resolved on revenge against his mistress for her thin kail, no kitchen, and little bread; for though flesh was boiled in the pot, none was for poor Leper and his master* but a little bit on Sundays, and all the bones were kept and put in the pot, to make the broth through the week. Leper perceived* always when she took off the pot, she turned her back and took out the flesh, and set it on a shelf in her own bed-room ; one niglit, after work, he steals out a pan, cuts a piece of flesh out of a dead horse, and then goes to a lime kiln, and boils it; next day, his master being from home, his landlady and lie being in the house, after she had/ set the pot as usual, and taken out her bit of-good beef, he goes* out for some time and then comes in, saying, c the ministers lass is wishing to see you, to go directly and speak to her mistress/ Off she goes in all haste; Leper runs and takes away her bit of good meat, and lays down his horse flesh ; and knowing she would return in a passion, and sit down with a soss in her cushioned chair, as slie used, he takes a large pin and staps it straight through the,cushion, with its head on the chair?fand the point to Her b^clfside. So in she chines in a rage, and down she w- �4 sits with all her weight on the pin point ; and she roars out murder! murder! for she was sticket in the a—e ; the neighbours came running in. and Leper went out with his bit of good beef, leaving the wives to doctor his landlady's do up, as they pleased; hestill denied the doing of it, and his master believed it might happen accidentally, but the houdie was very oft to be had before it was got hale again ; and his landlady by eating of the horse beef took such a loathing at flesh, that Leper and his master got all the beef ever after, and his landlady turned one of the kindest mistresses a prentice could Wish for. There was a neighbour wTife on whom Leper used to play tricks sometimes, for which she came and complained to his master and had him severely beaten several times. Leper resolved to be revenged on her, so one night he came to the backside of the house (110 one being in but herself), and took up a big stone and runs along the rough wall with all his strength, which roared like thunder in the inside of the house, ami frighted the wife so that she thought the house was tumbling down about her ears, and she ran out and sat down at a distance, looking every minute when the house would fall down, till her husband came home and persuaded her to go in, to whom she told �the above story ; ' lio'ut tout, daft tapie/ said he, 4 the house will staftd these hundred years/ Leper knowing they were both in, comes and plays the same trick over again, which also frightened the good man so much that he cried out, ' run, Maggy, run, for my heart plays pitty patty/ And they would not lodge in the house any more, till the masons convinced them of its sufficiency. There was another neighbour who had a * snarling cur dog, which bit Leper's leg.. Leper resolved to be revenged on the clog, and so one night he catches the dog, and carries him to the kirk, where the rope of the bell hung on the outside, so with his garter lie tied the dog's fore foot to the rope, and left him hanging; the dog struggling to get free set the bell a ringing, which alarmed the whole village, every one cried out 'wonderful fire! wonderful fire! the devil is ringing the bell/ When they saw the black colley hanging at the rope, I trow it set the minister and all the people to their prayers: but Leper fearing he would be detected by his garter, came to the minister's side, and asked the reverend gentleman what was the matter; indeed, my bairn,' said he,' 'tis the deil ringing the kirk bell;' says Leper ' I'll go and see him, for I never saw the devil;' the minister cried stop the mad laddie, but Leper ran and losed the dog, crying 1 its �6 such a man's dog, which had the rope in its teeth i they all cried out, 'the deils i' the cur, the deil's i' the dog/ then took up stones and felled poor colley, and the devil got the blame of making the dog ring the bell This spread Leper's fame, for being one of the wisest and most courageous tailors that was in all the kingdom; and many shaking their heads, said, 'it was a pity he was a tailor, but a captain or a general of an army, as the devil could not fear him.'After this, a farmer in the neighbourhood hearing the fame of Leper, how he had frighted the deil frae being a bellman, sent for him to an alehouse, and drank with him very heartily, and told him he was sadly borne down by a spirit of jealousy against his wife; and a suspicion of her being too free with a servant lad he had before; and if he w^ould keep it a secret and learn him to find it out, he would give his mother a load of meal, to which Leper agreed; so he gave the poor supposed cuckold instructions how to behave.. So home he goes and feigns himself very sick, and every day worse and worse, taking death to him ; blesses his three small children, and charges his wife not to marry until his children could do something for themselves; this hypocritical woman takes a crying, ' Aha! marry,'she would never marry! ' no, no, there should never a man lie by �7 my side, or kiss my Hps after thee r my am dear lamb Johnny.' Then he acts .the. dead man as well as he possibly could? [pta neighbours were called in, and he'sjfajrly o'erseen, as the old saying is, befp^e^^^n^ig^if bours. The sorrowful widow.. am^e ^fidlament, wrung her hands and'tpfQ her Imir. The reverend women about began to dross the corpse, askcc|>her for a shirt. • ^ y , ay,' said she, ' he has twa new linen ^arks, and there is an auld ane in the bottom o' the. kist, that naebody can wear ; ony thing7a good enough for the grave;' ' well/ said they, ' we must have some linen for,a winding sheet; 'aweel,' quo' she, ' I ha'e twa cut o' linen i' the Ifist neuk> but there's a pair o' auld linen sheets, hol'd i' the middle, may do well enough, I had need to be qarefu', I'm a poor widow the day, wi' three sma' bairns.' Well, the corpse is dressed and laid on the tap of the big chest, while neighbours sat by her condoling her paisfortune, and how the funeral raisins were t;o be provided. Said one, 'the coffin must need be se$n abput first.' 'Ay, ay, he has some new fljeals in the barn ; he bought them to make a bed o ; but we'll no break them, there's thq auld barn door, and the caff kist will do well enough, ony thing's gude enough, to gang to the grave wi'; but 0,' quo' she, 'send for �8 Sandy, my honest auld servant, and hell see every thing right done ; 111 tell him where hell get siller to do anything wi'; he's the lad that will not see me wrang'd.' Then Sandy comes wrying his face, and rubbing his eyes. ' 0 , Sandy, there's a sad alteration here,' and ba-a, she cries like a bitten calf, ' 0 sirs, will ye gang a' butt the house till I tell ye what to do.' Butt they went, and there she fell a kissing of Sandy, and said, ' now, my dear, the auld chattering ghaist is awa and we'll get our will o' ither; be as haining of everything as ye can, for thou kens it's a' thy ain ;' but the corpse' sister and some other people coming in, ben they came to see the corpse, lifts up the cloth off his face, and seeing him all in a pour of sweat, said, ' heigh, he's a bonny corp, and a lively like colour.' When he could no longer contain himself to carry on the joke, up he got among them. A deal of people ran for it, and his wife cried out " 0 , my dear, do you ken me?' ' Ay, you base jade and whore, better than ever I did.' Jumps on the floor, gets his staff and runs after Sandy, and catches him in the fields, a little from the house ; and ate and drank with his sister and neighbours who came to see his corpse. Poor Sandy w^ent home with a skin full of terror, and a sorting of sore bones, took a sore fever, and died a few �9 days after ; so he got quit of his cockolder, and Leper's mother got her load of meal. Leper's mother was a careful industrious wife, but as the bye-word is, ' a working mother makes a dally daughter,' and so it happened here, for she had two glaikit sluts of daughters that would do nothing but lie in their bed in the morning, till, as the saying is, ' the sun was like to burn a hole in their backsides.' The old woman, who was bleaching some cloth, was very early at work in the mornings, and Leper s patience being worn out with the laziness of his two sisters, he resolved to play a trick 011 them, for their reformation, so he goes and gets a mortcloth, and spread it on the bed above them, and sends the dead bell through the town, inviting the people next day, at four o'clock afternoon, to the burial of his two sisters, for they had died suddenly. This brought all the neighbouring wives in, who O © O R one after another lifted up the mortcloth, and said, with a sigh, f they've gone to their rest; a sudden call indeed!' Their aunt" hearing of this sudden news, came running in all haste, and coming where the jades' mither was at work, and was ignorant of the story, she cries out, ( Fye upon ye, woman, fye upon ye!' ' What's the matter, sister,' says she, ' what's the matter ?' ' I think you might let your wark stand for a'e day, when �10 your daughters are baith lying corpse/ 'My bairns corpse! I am certain they went to bed hale and fair last night/ 4 But, I tell you/ said the other, 'the dead bell has been thro' warning tho folks to the burial/ then the mother cries out, ' 0 the villain! 0 the villain, that he did not send me word/ So they both ran, and the mother as soon as she entered the house, flies, to the bed, crying, ' 0 , my bairn0, my dear bairns / on which the sluts rose'up in a consternation, to the great surprise, of the beholders, and the great mortification of the girls, who thought shame to set their noses out of doors, and to the great diversion of the whole town. Leper and his'master went to a gentleman's. house to work, where there was a saucy houserkeeper, who had more ignorance and pride than good sense and manners; she domineered over her fellow servants in a tyrannical manner. Leper resolved to mortify her pride; so. he finds an ant's nest, and takes their white eggs, grinds them to a powder, ancl puts them into the dish her supper so wen s was to be put in. After she had taken her supper, as she was covering the table, the imno6k powder began to operate, and she let a great f—. ' Well done, Margaret, said the Laird, your a— would take a cautioner/ Before she got out of the �11 eh amber door slie let fly another crack; then she goes to order her fellow servant to give the: Laird hi& stippieiy but before she could give t.he necessary directions, she gave fire again, which ;set them all a laughing; she runs into a room herself, and there she played away her one gun battery so fast that you wotildhave thought she had been beseigittg the Savannah. The Laird and Lady came to hear the fun, they were like to split their sides at proud Maggy. So next morniiVg she left her place, to the great satisfaction of all her fellow servants. PART II. L E P E R ' S landlady became very harsh to his master, and very often abused him exceedingly sore with. her tongue and hands, and always called upon him for more money, and to have all the money in her keeping, which Leper was sorry for. It so happened on a day that the tailor had got a hearty drubbing, both with tongue and tongs, that he pouched his thimble and was going to make a queen of her. When she saw that, she cried out, 'Of will you leave'a poor tender dying woman/ But Leper knowing the cause of her ill nature better than his �12 master did, advised him to take her on a fine day, like a mile out of town and give her a walk, and he would stay at home and study a remedy for her disorder. Away they both go ; but as she was also complaining for want of health, and that she was very weak, she cried out frequently, ' 0 ! 'tis a crying sin to take a woman in my condition out o'er a door.' During their absence, Leper goes and searches the bed, and below the bolster gets a bottle of rare whisky, of which he takes a hearty pull, and then pisses in it to make it up ; gets a halfpenny worth of snuff, and puts it in also, shakes all together, and so sets it in its place again. Home they came, and she was exceedingly distressed as a woman could be, and cried out, it was a horrid thing to take her out of the house. The tailor seeing her so bad, thought she would have died, ran as fast as he could for a dram, but she in her hypocrisy pretended she could not take it, and called on him to help her to bed, into which he lays her. She was not well gone when she fell to her bottle, taking two or three hearty gluts ; then she roars out, 1 Murder, I'm poisoned, I'm poisoned.' Bocking and purging began, and the neighbours were called in ; she lays her blood upon poor Leper, and tells how snich an honest woman brought her a'e bottle as another was done, �and the murdering loon had stolen it and put in a bottle of poison instead of it. Leper took to his heels, but was pursued and carried before a Justice of the Peace, where he told all he had done, which made the J ustice laugh heartily at the joke; and the tailors wife was well purged from her feigned sickness, laziness, and cursed ill nature; for always when she began to curl her nose for the future, the tailor had no more to say, but ' Maggy mind the bottle/ Leper was working with a master-tailor in Glasgow, who hungered his men ; and one morning, just when breakfast was set on the table, in comes a gentleman to try on a suit of clothes. The master being obliged to rise, desired the lads to say the grace themselves. Every one refused it, and put it to his neighbour, till Leper undertook it, and said with an audible voice, that the stranger gentleman might overhear him, as follows:— 'Ocli, hoch! we are a parcel of poor beastly bodies, and we are as beastly minded; if we do not work we get nothing to eat; yet we are always eating and always fretting; singing and half starving is like to be our fortune ; scartings and scrapings are the most of our mouthfuls. We would fain thank Thee, for our benefactors are not worthy the acknowledging ;—hey. Amen/ The gentleman �14 laughed till his sides were like to bursty and gave Leper half-a-crown to drink. Leper was not long done with his apprenticeship till he set up for himself, and got a journeyman and an apprentice, was coming into very good business, and had he restrained his roguish tricks, he might have done very well. He and his lads being employed to work in a farmer's house, where the housewife was a great miser, and not very cle&hly in making meat, and snivelled through her nose greatly when she spoke. In the morning, when she went to make the potage, she made a fashion of washing the pot, which to appearance seemed to him to have been among the first that had been made; then sets it before the fire till she went to the well, in which time Leper looking into it, sees two great-holes etapped with clouts, he takes up his goose* and holds it as high as his head, then lets it drop into the pot, which knocked oiit the bottom of it. Presently in comes the wife with the water, and pours it into the pot, which set the fireside all in a dam. for still as she poured in, it ran out: the wife being short-sighted, or what they call sand blind, looks into the pot, holds up both her hands and cries, ' Losh, preserve me, sirs, for the grip atween the twa holes is broken.* Says Leper, * the pot was old enough; but do you �15 not ken that tailof's potage is heavier than other men's.' ' Indeed, lad, I believe it, but they say ye're a warlock ; it's Wednesday to me indeed, my pot might ha'e served me this fifty year, a sae wad it e'en.' This sport diverted Leper and his lads through the day, and after supper, knowing he was to get some dirty bed, as the cows and the people lived all in one apartment, he chose rather to go home; and knowing the moon was to rise a little after midnight, he sat by the fire, told them many a fine story to drive away the time, and bade the wife make the bed to see how it might be. To save candle she made it in the dark, just on the floor behind where they sat, shaking down two bottles of straw. A calf which chanced to be lying on that place, and which the wife did not notice, was covered with the straw, and the bed clothes spread over it. The most of the family being in bed, the wife told them to go to bed also, but Leper knowing of the calf, said, ' I'll make my bed come to me,' on which the wife began to pray for herself and all that was in the house ; so up he gets his ellwand, and gives a stroke on the bed which caused the brute to rise, and not seeing where to go, it fell a crying and turned round, which set the whole house a roaring out murder in their own tongue. �16 The gooclwife ran to bed above the goodman, and the whole family cried out, not knowing what it was; but Leper and his two lads whipt off the blankets, and the brute ran in among the rest unperceived; then Leper lighted a candle, and all of them got out of bed, paid Leper for his work, and more if he pleased, and begged him to go away, and take the devil with him. So home he went, but never was employed by that wife any more. Leper had a peal of the best customers both in town and country; so one time he had occasion to go to the parish of Inchinan, to make a wedding suit for a gentleman. After they were finished, he desired drink money for his lads, which the gentleman refused. Leper resolved to be even with him, so he goes to the hay loft where the groom slept, and takes his stockings, breeches, and jacket, sewed them together, and stuffs them full of hay; makes a head, puts a rope about the neck, and hangs it on a tree, opposite to the laird's window ; then goes to the laird and tells him that his groom had hanged himself, and that if he would open his window he would see him hanging; the laird was struck with astonishment, and knew not what to do; Leper advises him to bury him privately. The laird said he had not a servant he �17 could trust, so begged Leper to do it. Leper refuses, till the laird promises him a load of meal; then Leper pulls out all the hay out of the groom's clothes ; goes and gets his load of meal, and sendirit to Glasgow; then goes to the groom, and says, 4 Thy master is wanting thee/ So the lad in all haste runs to see what his master wanted. The laird no sooner saw him open the door than he cried out, 'Avoid thee, Satan; avoid thee, Satan!' The lad says, ' What's the matter?' 'Did you not hang yourself this morning?' ' Lord forbid!' said the lad. The laird says, ' If thou be an earthly creature, take that tankard and drink;' which he did. Then says he to his master, ' Leper called me up, and said you wanted me in all haste/ ' Ho, ho/ said the laird, ' I find out the story now; if I had Leper, I would run my sword through him/ But Leper before that was gone to Glasgow with his meal. Leper was in use to give his lads their Sunday's supper, which obliged him to stay from the kirk in the afternoon, he having neither wife nor servant maid; so one Sunday afternoon, as he was cooking his pot, John Mueklecheek, and James Puff-andblaw, two civileers, having more zeal than knowledge, came upon him, and said, ' What's the matter5 sir, you go not to the �-—A^HFEI 18 kirk? Leper replied, ' I ' m reading my book and cooking my pot, which I think is a work of necessity/ Then says the one to the other, ' Don't answer that graceless fellow; well make him appear before his betters/ So they took the kail pot, and puts a staff through the bools, and bears it to the Clerk's chamber. Leper, who was never at a loss for invention, goes to the Principal of the College's house, no body being at home but a lass roasting a leg of mutton. Leper says, ' My dear, will you go and bring me a drink of ale, and I'll turn the spit till you come back/ The lass was no sooner gone than he runs away with the. leg of mutton, wdiich served his lads and him for their supper. When the Principal came home, he was neither to hand nor to bind, he viras so angry ; so on Monday he goes and makes a complaint to the Lord Provost, who sends two officers for Leper, who came immediately. My Lord asked hitn how lie dared to take away the Principal's mutton. Leper replied, ' How dared your civileers to take away my kail: pot ?. I'm sure there is less sin in making a pot full of kail, , than roasting a leg of mutton; law makers should not be law breakers, so I demand justice on the civileers.' The Provost askbdr him what justice he would have. Says he, �19 * make them cai;ry the pot back again; and to the Principal, a leg of mutton will not make him and me fall out.' So they were forced to carry the pot back again ; and Leper caused the boys to huzza after them to their disgrace. ? There was a barber who always plagued Leper, and called him ' Prick-the-louse/ Leper resolved to be even writh him, so he goes and buys three sheep heads, £ind sends for the barber, and told him that there were three fine Southland gentlemen just come to his house, which much wanted to be shaved ; and he assured him he would receive sixpence for each of them. This good news made the shaver send for a dram. Leper was still praising them for quiet good natured gentlemen. So Leper takes him to the bed where the sheep heads lay covered, and desired him to awaken them for they would not be angry; or say an ill word to him. The barber lifts the covering and sees the sheep heads, runs out cursing and swearing, and Leper crying after him, ' Sheep head barber/ The barber resolved to be revenged on Leper, so when he -was shaving Mess John, he tells him "that Leper was the drunkeftest fellow in the parish. So Mess John w:arns him to the session. Leper comes and says, ' What do you want with me, Sir ? 6 Come �- NTH X NQ F . So away, Leper/ says Mess John, 6 1 hear a bad report of yon/ * Me Sir, I am sure they were not my'frieiids that told you that/ 'Indeed, I am informed you are a drunkard/ 4 1 a drunkard ; you have not a soberer man in your parish. Stop, Sir, I will tell you how I lead my life:—In the morning, I take a choppin of ale and a bit of bread, that I call my morning ; for breakfast, I generally take a herring and a choppin of ale, for I cannot sup brose like my lads ; the herring makes me dry, so at eleven hours I take a pint, and sometimes three choppins; at supper, I take a bit of bread and cheese and a pint, and so go to bed/ Mess John says, ' It's excessive drinking ; I allow you one half of it for a quarter of a year/ Says Leper, ' 111 try it, Sir, and come back and tell you/ At the end of the quarter he draws out his account, and goes to Mess John, who was sitting with his elders in the Session-house, and says, ' Sir, I have a demand on you/ 1 On me, Sir/ 4 Yes, on you, Sir ; don't you remember you allowed me so much drink for a quarter of a year, and I want the money/ 4 Am I to pay your reckoning, Sir/ ' You allowed it, and if you wont pay it, 111 take you before the Provost/ The elders advised him to pay it or he would be affronted; so Leper got the �21 money. When he was at the door, he says, 4 Sir, will you stand another quarter.' 4 Get away, says Mess John, and don't trouble me.' Leper says, ' I am sure you may, for I am always twopence to your penny.' THE END. A N E C D O T E S . INCONVENIENCE OF A PETITION. A reverend Gentleman, when visiting his parishioners, was in one house first saluted with the growling of a dog, and afterwards by the cheering voice of a female. D—ning the dog for his ill-bi*eeding, he advanced and enquired for the master of the house. c What do ye want wi' that?' said the female. 4 W e are wishing to see him,' said the Reverend Gentleman, 'will ye be so good as bring him to us ?' • I'll gang nae sic an errand,' said she; ' ye may gang doon to the market yersel', an' ye'll see him there; they're thrang killin' the day. But what are ye wantin' wi' Pate, if a body micht speir.' ' This is the minister,' said the elder who accompanied him, 4 he is wishing to have some conversation with Peter, and to put up a petition.' 4 A petition! a petition!' exclaimed the matron, 4 ye'll put up nae patition here; the house �22 is wee eneugh already, an' wha do ye think's gaunjto be fashed wi' masons an* wrightS, an' a' thae elanjamfray about their house? Faith no—the devil a petition will be putten up in this house as lang's am in't; we're gaun to flit at Whitsunday, so ye may come then an' put up as mony petitions as ye like/ DUKE OF BUCCLEUCH. Henry, Duke of Buccleueh was greatly beloved by his numerous tenantry. One of his small tenants, Jamie Howie by name, had a son about four years of age, who, having heard much of the great Duke of Buccleuch, was very anxious to see him. Honest Jamie, in a few days, was honoured with a visit from the Duke; when Jamie doffing his bonnet, and making a reverential bow, says, 4 0 , my lord! ye maunna be angry wi' me, but it's God's truth, my lord, there's a daft wee callant o' mine that canna rest, nor let others rest, nicht nor d a y ; he has ta'en in his head sic a notion o' seeing what like ye are ; gudesakc; my lord, I dinna think he has ony y edea ye are a man at a', but some far awa, outlandish, ower sea creature.' The Duke, mightily tickled with this fancy, desired Jamie to bring the youngster into his presence forthwith. Out comes the juvenile �23 inquisitor with his finger in f his mouth, and cautiously recqnnoitres the personage before . Mmi ; A t last quoth the urchin, ' G m y& soorn,?' ' N o , my little fellow/' replied his grace, ' I canna sootn/ ' Can ye flee?' ' No, I canna flee/ 1 Weel, man, for as muckle's ye're, I wadna gie ane o' my father's dukes for ye, for they can baith soom an flee/ A BAMS' TO PIKE. Some boys diverting themselves in one of the streets of Edinburgh, observed on a door, a brass plate with A1—-x>—rid—r Guthrie, W.S., engraved on it. In their diversion, they broke a pane of glass in one of the windows, upon which Mrs. Guthrie and the maid sallied forth and seized one of the delinquents. ' Y e young rascal, what's yer name?'-says the lady. ' Saundy/ replied the boy. ' What's yer ither name? ; J Guthrie/ < Wha's yer mither?' < My mither sells bird's cages/ ' Whaur does she live? '' I' the Patter R a w / 4 Wha's yer father?' ' I dinna ken/' c D o ye no ken yer faither?' 4 Na! he.ne'er comes but whan it's dark, an' naebody kens bit my mither.' Upon hearing this, the lady in a passion let gb 'her victim, and running into the room where her husband was sitsing, fell a-scolding him like a fury about �24 his infidelity rogue laughed his fraud, and said to them, bane to pike!' towards her. The young heartily at the success of turning to his companions, ' I think I've gi'en her a SEEING- ONE DRUNK. The late Rev. Mr. C of D , Aberdeenshire, was fond of his friend and a bottle; he sacrificed so often and so freely to the jolly god, that the presbytery could 110 longer overlook such proceedings, and summoned him before them to answer for his conduct. One of the elders, and constant companion in his social hours, was cited as a witness against him. ' Well, John (says one of the presbytery to the elder), did you ever see the Eev. Mr. C the worse of drink ?' ' Weel a wy te, n o ; I've mony a time seen him the better o ; t, but I ne'er saw him the waur o't.' ' But, did you never see him drunk?' ' That's what I'll ne'er see, for before he be half slockened, I'm aye blind fu'/ § FINIS. § � Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Full .pdf reproduction of chapbook. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 002: Title-page illustration of a beehive with swarming bees. A motto, "Industry, Honesty, and Integrity" is displayed on a ribbon at the bottom. Document A resource containing textual data. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre text. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Fun Upon Fun; or, Leper, the Tailor. In Two Parts: With a Selection of Entertaining Anecdotes Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks - Scotland - Glasgow Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Dougal, Graham, 1724-1779 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1840-1850 per University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks Language A language of the resource English Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9935661183505154">s0587b43</a> Extent The size or duration of the resource. 24 pages 16 cm Is Referenced By A related resource that references, cites, or otherwise points to the described resource. <p><span>University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks&nbsp;</span><a href="http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/">http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/</a></p> <div>&nbsp;</div> Alternative Title An alternative name for the resource. The distinction between titles and alternative titles is application-specific. Leper the Tailor Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Type The nature or genre of the resource wit & humor Description An account of the resource Woodcut #02: Illustration on title-page of a beehive with swarming bees. A motto, "Industry, Honesty, and Integrity" is displayed on a ribbon at the bottom. Animal: bee(s) Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: 1841-1850 Chapbook Genre: wit & humor Chapbook Publisher - Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Nature: flower(s) Outdoor Scene https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/9b275b4c56f5582406bdd230f1262057.jpg cffdc11aa5bce1173d93e8a7c88441c6 Omeka Image File The metadata element set that was included in the `files_images` table in previous versions of Omeka. These elements are common to all image files. Bit Depth 8 Channels 3 Height 3308 Width 1890 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut on title-page portraying a young man wearing hat. He is standing in a field sharpening a scythe https://scottishchapbooks.lib.uoguelph.ca/files/original/fc29e9f5d0a14ca495f111f702fa7cd3.pdf d3547247af5ffe12c8882fcddc443066 PDF Text Text THE COMICAL SAYINGS OF i WITH HIS Coat B u t t o n e d Behind. BEING AN ELEGANT CONFERENCE BETWEEN E H 0 L I S H TOM KED I R I S H TEAGTJE; WITH PADDY'S CATECHISM, And his Supplication when a Mountain Sailor. PRINTED 8•t GLASGOW; FOR THE B O O K S E L E R S . 21. #### # W �« *' . x. ' • I . * ' - • n — ' 4'f . '• 3HT . ?d C' s ; • J i '• ' . in.iiTIT/ | JhiIIIoI! •' X • - -?H - < . ' H, 1 . H B I S I <!'= f I .. 1 - : £ rcftfiw ' t € t ' fconcmitf • J . L- f; t MM1 J1103 # . ' v- - fO | * im f»« A • & ^C JI 1 • • * . ; ; Tf-O .rood s Vv .1.A r n o i /o < .IS i 1 �i : v.-! "'1 COMICAL PADDY •! *' hW I • 1 FROM '•! - - ft S A Y I N G S CORK, • • ' U P A R T I, Tom. GOOD morrow, Sir, this is a very cold day. Teag. A IT a, dear honey, yesternight was a very cafat Tozra. Teag. Torn. Teag. Well brother traveller of what nation art thou: Arra clear shoy, I came from my own kingdom. Why, I know that, but where is thy kingdom ? Allelieu dear hnriey, don't you know Cork in Tom* You fool, Cork is not a kingdom but a city. Teag. Then dear shoy, I'm sure it is in a kingdom, Tom. And what is the reason you have come and left your own dear country ? </ - 4 Teag. Arra dear honey, by shaint Patrick, they have got such comical laws in our country, that they will put a man to death in perfect health; so to be free and plain with you, neighbour, I was obliged to come away, for I did not choose to stay among such a people that can hang a poor man when they please, if he either steals, robs, or kills a man, Tom. Ay, but I take you to be more of an i man, than to steal, rob, or kill a man. a child, my mother would have trusted me with a 1 full of Tom. What was the matter, was you guilty of nothing, Teag. Arra, dear honey, I did harm to nobody, but fancied an old guitieman's gun, and afterwards made it my ewi, �Tom. Very well boy, and did you keep it so ? Teag. Keep it, I would have kept it with ail my heart while I lived, death itself could not have parted us, but fcha old rogue, the gentleman, being a justice of peace himself, had in? tried for the rights of it, and how I came by it, and so took rt again. Tom. And how did you clear yourself without punishment ? Teag. Arra dear shoy, I told him a parcel of lies, but they would not believe me ; for I said that I got it from my father when it was a little pistol, and I had kept it till it had grown a gun, and was designed to use it well until it had grown a a big cannon, and then sell it to the military. They all fell a laughing at me as I had been a fool, and bade me go home to my mother ana clean the potatoes. lorn. How long is it since you left your own country ? Teag. Arra, dear honey, I do not mind whether it be a fortnight or four months, but I think myself, it is a long time; they tell me my mother is dead since, but I wont believe it until 1 get a letter from her own hand, for she is a very good scholar, suppose she can neither write nor read. Tom. Was you ever in England before ? Teag. A y , that I was, and in Scotland too. Tom. And were they kind to you when you was La Scotland ? Teag. They were that kind that they kick't my arse for me, and the reason was because I would not pay the whole of the liquor that was drunk in the company, though the landlord and his two sons got mouthful about of & all, and I told them it was a trick upon travellers, first to drink his liquor, and then to kick him out of doors. Tom. I really think they have used you badly, but could you not beat them ? Teag. That's what I did, beat them all to their own c«Hitentment, but there was one of them stronger than me, who would have killed me, if the other two had not pulled �5 me away, and I had to run for it, till his passion was over, then they made us drink and gree again ; we shook hands, and made a bargain, never to harm other more ; but this bargain did not last long, for, as I was kissing his mouth, by shaint Patrick, I bit his nose, which caused him to beat me very sore for my pains. Tom. Well Paddy, what calling was you when in Scotland. Teag. Why sir, I was no business at all, but what do you call the green tree that's like a whin bush, people makes a thing to sweep the house of it 1 Tom. 0 yes, Paddy, they call it the broom. Teag. A y , ay, you have it, I was a gentleman's broom, only waited on his horses, and washed the dishes for the cook : and when my master rode a hunting, I went behind with the dogs. Tom. O yes, Paddy, it was the groom you mean. But I fancy you was cook's mate, or kitchen boy. Teag. No, no, it was the broom that I was, and if I had staid there till now, I might have been advanced as high as my master, for the ladies loved me so well, that they laughed at me. Tom. They might admire you for a fool. Teag. What sir, do you imagine that I am not a fool ? no, no, my master asked counsel of me in all his matters, and I always give him a reason for every thing: I told him one morning, that he went too soon to the hunting, that the hairs were not got out of their beds, and neither the barking of horns, nor the blowing of dogs could make them rise, it was such a cold morning that night; so they all ran away that we catched, when we did not see them. Then my master told my words to several gentlemen that were at dinner with him, and they admired me for want of judgment, for my head was all of a lump: adding, they were going a-fishing along with my master and me in the afternoon ; but I told them that it was a very unhappy thing for any man to go a hunting in the morning, and afishingiri the afternoon ; they wouH try it, but they had better staid at horiie^ �6 for it CSQ16 ust a most terrible fine night of south west rain, and even down wind; so the fishes got all below the water to keep themselves dry from'the shower, and we catched them all but got none. Tom. How long did you serve that gentleman, Paddy. Teag. A n a , dear honey, I was with him six weeks, and he beat me seven times. Tom. For what did he beat you P was it for your madness and foolish tricks ? Teag. Dear shoy, it was not; but for being too inquisitive, and going sharply about business. First, he sent me to the post-office to enquire if there were any letters for him ; so when I came there, said I, is tliere any letters here for my master to-day ? Then tliey asked who was my master; sir, said I, it is very bad manners in you to ask any gentleman's name ; at this they laughed, mocking me, and said they could give me none, if I would not tell my master's name; so I returned to my master and told him the impudence of the fellow, who would give me no letters unless I would tell him your name, master. M y master at this flew in a passion, aad kicked me down stairs, saying, go you rogue, and tell my name directly, how can the gentleman give letters whea he knows not who is asking for them. Then I returned and told m j master's, name, so they told me there was one for him. I looked at % being very small, and asking the price of it, they told me it was sixpence: sixpence,'said I, wi$ you take sixpence for that small thing, and selling bigger ones for twopence; faith I am not such # big fool; you think to cheat me now, this is not a conscionable way of dealing, I'll acquaint my master with it first; so I came and told my master how tliey would have sixpence for his letter, and was selling bigger ones for twopence ; he took up my head and broke his cane with it, calling me a thousand fools, saying, the man was more just than to take any thing but the right for it; but I was sure there was none of them right, buying and selling such dear penny-worths. So I came again for my dear sixpence �7 letter ; and as the fellow wus shuffling through a parcel of them, seeking for it again, to make the best of a dear market, I pict up two, and home I comas to my master, thinking he would be pleased with what I had done ; now, said I, master, 1 think I have put a trick upon them fellows, for selling the letter to you. What have you done P I have only taken other two letters : here's one for you master, to help your dear penny-worth,'''and I'll send the other to my mother to see whet/ier she be dead or alive, for she's always angry I don't write to her. I had not the word well spoken, till he got up his stick and beat me heartily for it, and sent me habk to the fellows again with the two. I had a very ill will to go, but nobody would buy them of me. Tom. Well, Paddy, I think you was to blame, and your master too, for he ought to have taught you how to go about these affairs, and not beat you so. Teag. Arra dear honey, I had too much wit of my own to be teached by him, cr any body else ; he began to instruct me after that how I should serve the table, and such nasty things as those : one night I took ben a roasted fish in one hand, and a piece of bread in the other; the old gentleman whi so saucy he woiilc! not take it, and told me I should bring nothing to him without a trencher below it. The same night as he was going to bed, he called for his slippers and pish-pot, so I clapt a trencher below the pish-pot, and another below the slippers, and ben I goes, one in every hand; no sooner did I enter the room than he threw the pish-pot at me, which broke both my head and the pish-pot at one blow ; now, said I, the devil is in my master altogether, for what he commands at one time he countermands at another. Next day I went with him to the market to buy a sack of potatoes, I went to the potatoemonger, and asked what he took for the full of a Scot's cog, he weighed them in, he asked no less than fourpence ; fourpence, said I, if I were but in Dublin, I could got the double of that for nothing, and in Cork and Linsale far cheaper ; them is but small things like �8 pease, said I, but the potatoes in my country is as big as your head, fine meat, all made up in blessed mouthful? ; the potatoe-merchant called me a liar, and my master called me a fool, so the one fell a-kicking me, and the other a cuffing me, I was in such bad bread among them, that I called myself both a liar and a fool to get oil alive. Tom. And how did you carry your potatoes home from the market. Teag. Arra dear shoy, I carried the horse and them both, besides a big loaf, and two bottles of wine ; for I put the old horse on my back, and drove the potatoes before me, and when I tied the load to the loaf, I had nothing to do but to carry the bottle in my hand : but bad luck to the way as I came home, for a nail out of the heal of my foot sprung a leak in my brogue, which pricked the very bone, bruised the skin, and made my brogue itself to blood, and I having no hammer by me, but a hatchet I left at home, I had to beat down the nail with the bottom of the bottle: and by the book, dear shoy, it broke to pieces, and scattered the wine in my mouth. Tom. And how did you recompense your master for the loss of the bottle of wine ? Teag. Arra dear shoy, I had a mind to cheat him and myself too, for I took the bottle to a blacksmith, and desired him to mend it that I might go to the butcher and get it full of bloody water, but he told me he could not work in any thing but steel and iron. Arra, said I, if 1 were in my own kingdom, I could get a blacksmith who would make a bottle out of a stone, and a stOne out of nothing. Tom. And how did you trick your master out of it ? Teag. Why the old rogue began to chide me, asking me what way I broke it, then I held up the other as high as my head, and let it fall to the ground on a stone, which broke it all in pieces likewise : now said I, master, that's the way, and he beat me very heartily until I had to shout out mercy and murder all at once. �9 Tbm. W h y did you not leave him when he used yon so badly. Teag. Arra, dear shov, I could never think to leav<i him while I could eat, he gave me soT many good victuals, and promised to prefer me to be his own bonepicker. But by shaint Patrick, I had to run away with my life or all was done, else I had lost rny dear shoul and body too by him, and then come home much poorer than I went away. The great big bitch dog, which was my master's best beloved, put his head into a pitcher, to lick out some milk, and when it was in he could not get it out; and I to save the pitcher got the hatchet and cut off the dog's head, and then I had to break the pitcher to get out the head; by this I lost both the dog and the pitcher. M y master hearing of this swore he would cut the head off me, for the poor dog was made useless, and could not see to follow any body for want of his eyes. And when I heard of this, I ran away with my own head, for if I had wanted it I had lost my eyes too, then I wTould not have seen the road to Port Patrick, through Glen-nap; but by shaint Patrick I came home alive in spite of them. Tom. O larely done, Paddy, you behaved like a man! but what is the reason that you Irish people swear always by saint Patrick? Teag. Arra dear honey, he was the best shaint in the world, the father of all good people in the kingdom, he lias a great kindness for an Irishman, when he hears hiin calling on his name. Tom. But, Paddy, is saint Patrick yet alive ? Teag, Arra dear honey, I dont know whether he be dead or alive, but it is a long time since they killed .him; the people all turned heathens, but he would not change his profession, and was going to run the country with it, and for taking the gospel away to England, so the barbarous tories of Dublin cutted off his head ; and he swimmed over to England, and carried his head in his teeth, �10 P A R T XI tbm. H o w did you get safe out of Scotland P Teag. By the law dear honey, when I came to Peart Patrick, and saw my own kingdom* I knew I was safe at home, but I was clean dead, and almost drowned before I could get riding over the water; for I with nine passengers more, leapt into a little young boat, having • Silt four mei dwelling in a little house, in the one end of it, which was all thacked with deals: and after they had pulled up her tether-stick, and laid her long halter oVeibjber mane, they pulled up a long sheet, like three oair bf blankets, to the riggen of the house, and the wind • blew in that, which made her gallop up one hill and down another, till I thought she would have run to the • world's end.. Tom. Well Paddy, and where did you go when you camd to Ireland again ? Tmg* Arra dear honey, and where did I go but to triy own dear cousin, who was now become very rich by the death of the old buck his father; who died but a few weeks before I went over, and the parish had to bury him out of pity, it did not ,cost him a farthing. Tpm. And what entertainment, did you get there ? Teag. 0 my dear slioy, I was kindly used as another gendeman, and would have staid there long enough, but when a man is poor his friends think little of him: I told him I was going to see my brother Harry: Harry, said he, Harry is dead; dead said and who killed him? W h y , said he, death : Allelieu, dear honey, and where did he kill him ? said I. In his bed, says he. Arra dear honey, said I , if he had been upon Newry mountains with his brogues on, and his broad sword by his side, all the death's in Ireland had not have killed him: O that impudent fellow death, if he had let him alone till he died for want of butter milk and potatoes, I am sure he had lived all the days of his life. Torn. In all your travels when abroad, did you a*mi �I1 see none of your countrymen to inform you of what happened at home concerning your relations ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I saw none but Tom Jack, one day in the street; but when I came to him, it was not him, but one just like him. Tom. On what account did you go a travelling ? Teag. W h y a recruiting sergeant listed me to be a captain, and after all advanced me no higher than a soldier itself, but only he called me his dear countryman recruit; for I did not know what the regiment was when I saw them. I thought they were all gentlemen's sons, and coilegioners, when I saw a box like a bible upon their bellies; until I saw G for King George upon it, and R for God bless him: ho, ho, said I , I shan't be long here. Tom. O then Paddy you deserted from them ? Teag. That's what I did, and ran to the mountains like a buck, and ever since when I see any soldiers I close my eyes, lest they should look and know me. Tom. And what exploits did you when you was a soldier ? Teag. Arra, dear honey, I killed a man. Tom. And how did you do that ? Teag, Arra, dear honey, when he dropt his sword I drew mine, and advanced boldly to him, and then cutted off his foot. Tom. O then what a big fool was you; for you ought first to have cut off his head. Teag. Arra, dear shoy, his head was cutted off before I engaged him, else I had not done it. ffim. O then Paddy you acted like a fool: but you are not such a big fool as many take you to be, you might pass for a philosopher. Teag. A fulusipher, my father was a fulusipher, besides he was a man under great authority by law, condemning the just and clearing the guilty. Do you know how they call the horse's mother ? Tom. W h y they call her a mare. �12 Teag. A mare, ay, very well minded, my fathei was a mare in Cork. Tom. And what riches was left you by the death of your mother ? Teag. A. bad luck to her own bairen belly, fur she lived in great plenty, and died in great poverty; devoured tip all or she died but two hens, and a pockful of potatoes, a poor estate for an Irish gentleman, in faith. Tom. And what did you make of the hens, and potatoes, did you sow them ? Teag. A n a , dear shoy, I sowed them in my belly, and sold the hens to a cadger. Tom. What business did your mother follow after ? Teag. Greatly in the merchant way. Tom. And what sort of goods did she deal in P Teag. Dear honey, she went through the country and sold small fishes, onion's and apples, bought hens and eggs and then hatched them herself. I remember of a long-necked cock she had, of an oversea brood, that stood on the midden and picked all the stars out of the north-west, so they were never so thick there since. Tom. Now Paddy, that's a bull surpasses all: but is there none of that cock's offspring alive now. Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I don't think there are, but it is a pity but they had, for they would fly with people above the sea, which would put the use of ships out of fashion, and nobody be drowned at all. Tom,, Very well. Paddy, but in all your travels did you ever get a wife ? Teag. A y , that's what I did, and a wicked wife too, and my dear shoy, I can't tell whether she is gone to Purgatory, or the parish of Pig-trantrum; for she told me she should certainly die the first opportunity she could get, as tins present evil world wTas not worth the waiting on, so she would go and see what good tilings is in the world to come; so when that old rover called the Fever came raging over the whole kingdom, she went away and died out of spite, leaving me nothing but two motherless children. �13 Tom. 0 but Paddy, you ought to have gone to a doctor, and got some pills and physic for her. Teag. By shaint Patrick, I had as good a pill of my own as any doctor in the kingdom could give her. Tom. O you fool, that is not what I mean; you ought to have brought the doctor to feel her pulse, and let blood of her if he thought it needful. Teag. Yes that's what I did, for I ran to the doctor whenever she died, and sought something for a dead 01 dying woman; the old foolish devil was at his dinner, and began to ask me some dirty questions, which I answered distinctly. Tom. And what did he ask Paddy ? Teag. W h y , he asked me, How did my wife go to stool ? to which I answered, the same way that other people go to a chair: no, said he, thfet's not what I mean, how does she purge ? Arra, Mr. Doctor, said I, all the fire in Purgatory wont purge her clean; for she has both a cold and stinking breath. Sir, said he, that is not what I ask you ; whether does she shit thick or thin P Arra, Mr. Doctor, said I, it is sometimes so thick and hard, that you may take it in your hand, and cut it like a piece of cheese, or pudding, and at other times you may drink it, or sup it with a spoon. A t this he flew into a most terrible rage, and kicked me down stairs, and would give me nothing to her, but called me a dirty vagabond for speaking of shit before ladies. Tom. And in what good order did you bury your wife when she died. Teag. O my dear shoy she was buried in all manner of pomp, pride, and splendour: a fine coffin with cords in it, and within the coffin along with herself, she got a pair of new brogues, a penny candle, a good hard-headed old hammer, with an Irish sixpenny piece, to pay her passage at the gate, and what more could she look for. Tom. I really think you gave her enough along with her, but you ought to have cried for her, if it was no more but to be in the fashion. �14 And why should I cry without sorrow ? whm d two criers to cry all the way before her to keep her in the fashion. Tom. And what do they cry before a dead woman? Teag* Why they cry the common cry, or funeral lament that is used in our Irish country. Tom. And what manner of cry is that Paddy ? Teag* Dear Tom, if yen don't know Til tell you, when v my person dies, there is a number of criers goes before, saying, Luff, fuff, fou, allelieu, dear honey, what aileth ihee to die ! it was not for want oF good buttermilk and potatoes, P A R T III. .te*. WELL Paddy, and what did you do wheri youi Wife died ? * Teag. Dear honey, what would I do? do you think 1 Was such a big fdol as to die too, I am lure if I had I would not have got fair play when I to not so old yet as my father was when he died. Tomi No, Paddy/ it is not that I mean, Was fifty sorry, or did you weep for her ? Teag. Weep for her, by shaint Patrick I would not weep, nor yet be sorry, suppose my own mother and all the women in Ireland had died seven years before I was bom. ' Tom. What did you do with your children when sh# died? Teag. Do you imagine I was "such a big fool as bury my children alive along with a dead woman; Arra, dear honey, We always commonly give nothing along with a dead person, but an old shirt, a winding sheet, a big hathiner, with a long candle, and an Irish silver threepenny piece ? Tom. Dear Paddy, and what do they make of all these things ? Teag. Then Tom, since you are so inquisitive, you mu^t go ask the Priest. Ihm, What did you make of your children Paddy f �li Teag. And what should I make of them, do you Imagine that I should give them into the hands of the butchers, as they had been a parcel of young hogs : by shaint Patrick' I had more unnaturality in me, than to put them in an hospital as others do. Tom. No, I suppose you woul<Heave them with your friends ? Teag. Ay, ay, a poor man's friends is sometimes worse Ihan a profest enemy, the best friend I ever had in the Vorld was my own pocket while my money lasted j but 1 left two babes betweeii the priest's door and the parish church, because I thought it was a place of mercy, and then set out for England in quest of another fortune. Tpm. I fancy, Paddy, you came off with what they call a moon-shine flitting. Teag. You lie like a thief now, for I did not see sun, moon, nor stars, all the night then: for I set out from Cork at the dawn of night, and I had travelled twenty miles all but twelve, before gloaming in the morning. Tom. And where did you go to take shipping? Teag. Arra, dear honey, I came to a country village called Dublin, as big a city ^s any market-town in all England, where I got myself aboard of a little young boat, with a parcel of fellows, and a long leather bag. I supposed them to be tinklers, until I asked what they carried in that leather sack; they told me it was the English mail they were going over with; then said I , is the milns so scant in England, that they must send over their com to Ireland to grind it, the comical cunning fellows persuaded me it was so: then I went down to a little house below the water, hard by the rigg-back of the boat, and laid xm down on their leather sack, where I slept myself almost to death with hunger. And dear Tom to tell you plainly when I waked I did not know where I was, but thought I was dead and buried, for I found nothing all round me but wooden walls and timber above. Tom. And how did ye, to yourself to know where you w*s at last. �16 Teag. By tfie law* dear shoy, I scratched my head m a hundred parts, and then set rne down to think upon it, so I minded it was my wife that was dead and not me, and that I was alive in the young boat, with the fellows that carries over the English meal from the Irish milns. Tom. O then Paddy, I am sure you was glad when you found yourself alive ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I was very sure I was alive, but I did not think to live long, so I thought it was better for me to steal and be hanged, than to live all my days and die directly with hunger at last. Tom. Had you no meat nor money along with you ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I gave all the money to the captain of the house, or gudeman of the ship, to take me into the sea or over to England, and when I was like to eat my old brogues for want of victuals I drew my hanger and cut the lock of the leather sack to get a lick of their meal; but allelieu, dear shoy, I found neither meal nor seeds, but a parcel of papers and letters—a poor morsel for a hungry man. Tom. 0 then paddy you laid down your honesty foi nothing. Teag. A y , ay, I was a great theif but got nothing to steal. Tom. And how did you get victuals at last ? Teag. Allelieu, dear honey, the thoughts of meat and drink, death and life, and every thing else was out of mind, I had not a thought but one. Tom. And what was that Paddy ? Teag. To go down among the fishes and become a whale; then I would have lived at ease all my days, having nothing to do but to drink salt water, and eat caller oysters. Tom. What was you like to be drowned again ? Teag. A y , ay, drowned, as cleanly drowned as a fish, £>r the sea blew very loud, and the wind ran so high, that we were all cast safe on shore, and not one of us drowned at all. �17 Tom. Where did you go when you came on shore ? Teag. Arra, dear honey, I was not able to go any where* you might cast a knot on my belly, I was so hollow in the middle, so I went into a gentleman's house and told him the bad fortune I had of being drowned between Ireland and the foot of his garden; where we came all safe ashore. But all the comfort I got from him was a word of truth. Tom. And what was that Paddy ? Teag. W h y he told me, if I had been a good boy at home, I needed not to have gone so far to push my fortune with an empty pocket; to which I answered, and what magnifies that, as long as I am a good workman at no trade at all. Tom. I suppose, Paddy, the gentleman would make you dine with him ? Teag. I really thought I was, when I saw them roasting and skinning so many black chickens which was nothing but a few dead crows they were going to eat; ho, ho, said I , them is but dry meat at the best, of all the fowls that flee, commend me to the wing of an o x : but all that came to my share was a piece of boiled herring and a roasted potatoe, that was the first bit of bread I ever eat in England. Tom. Well, Paddy, what business did you follow after in England when you was so poor. Teag. What sir, do you imagine I was poor when I came over on such an honourable occasion as to list, and bring myself to no preferment at all. As I was an able bodied man in the face, I thought to be made a brigadeer, a grandedeer, or a fuzeleer, or even one of them blew gowns that holds the flerry stick to the bung-hole of the big cannons, when they let them off, to fright away the French; I was as sure as no man alive ere I came from Cork, the least preferment I could get, was to be riding-master to a regiment of marines, or one of the black horse itself. Tom. And where in England was it you listed ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I was going through that �18 little country village, the famous city of Chester, the streets were very sore by reason of the hardness of my feet, and lameness of my brogues, so I went but very slowly across the streets, from port to port is a pretty long way, but I being weary thought nothing of it; then the people came all crowding to me as I had been a world's wonder, or the wandering jew; for the rain blew In my face, and the wind wetted all my belly, which caused me to turn the backside of my coat before, and my buttons behind, which was a good safegaurd to iny body, and the starvation of my naked body, for I had not a good shirt. Tom. I am sure then, Paddy, they would take you for a fool ? Teag. No, no, sir, they admired me for my wisdom, for I always turned my buttons before, when the wind blew behind, but ;! wondered how the people knew my name and where I came from: for every one told another, that was Paddy from Cork: I suppose they knew my fece by seeing my name in the newspapers* Tom, Well,. Paddy, what business did you follow in Chester ?, ' Teag,. To be sure I was not idle, working at nothing at all, till a decruiting seargeant came to town with two or three fellows along with him, one beating on a fiddle, and another playing on a drum, tossing-their airs thro' the streets, as if they were going to be married, I saw them courting none but young men; so to bring mysell to no preferment at all, I listed for a soldier,—I was too big for a grandedeer. Tom. What listing money did you get, Paddy ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I got five thirteens and a pah of English brogues ; the guinea and the rest of the gold was sent to London, to the King, my master, to buy me new shirts, a cockade, and common treasing for my hat, they made me swear the malicious oath of devilrie against the King, the colours, and my captain, telling me if ever I desert, and not run away, that I should be -hot, find then whipt to death through the regiment �If Tom. No Faddy: it is first whipt and then shot yon mean. Teag. Arra, dear shoy, it is all one thing at last, but it is best to be shot and then whipt, the cleverest way to die I'll warrant you. Tom. How much pay did you get, Paddy ? Teag. Do you know the little tall fat seargeant that feed me to be a soldier ? Tom. And how should I know them I never saw you fool Teag. Dear shoy, you may know him whether you see him or not, his face is all Jjored in holes with the small pox, his no«a is the colour of a lobster-toe, and Ids chin like a well washen potatoe, he's the biggest rogue in our kingdom, you'll know him when you meet him again : the rogue height me sixpence a day, kill or no kill: and when I laid Sunday and Saturday both together, and all the days in one day, I can't make 8 penny above fivepence of it. Tom. You should have kept an account, and asked your arrears once a month. Teag. That's what I did, but he reads a paternoster out of his prayer book, wherein all our names are written; so much for a stop-hold to my gun, to bucklers, to a pair of comical ham-hose, with leather buttons from top to toe ; and worst of all, he would have no less than a penny a week, to a doctor; arra, said I, I never had a sore finger, nor yet a sick toe, all the days of my life, then what have 1 to do with the doctor, or the doctor to do with me. Tom. And did he make you pay all these things ? Teag. A y , ay, pay and better pay: he took me before his captain, who made me pay all was in his book. Arra, master captain, said I, you are a comical sort of a fellow now, you might as well make me pay for my coffin before I be dead, as to pay for a doctor before I be sick; to which he answered in a passion, sir, said he, I have seen many a better man buried without a coffin; sir, said I, then I'll have a coffin, die when I will, if �20 there be as much wood in all the world, or I shall not be buried at all. Then he called for the sergeant, saying, you sir, go and buy that man's coffin, and put it in the store till he die, and stop sixpence a week of his pay for it: No, no, sir, said I, I'll rather die without a coffin, and seek none when I'm dead, but if you are for clipping another sixpence off my pay, keep it all to yourself, and I'll swear all your oaths of agreement we had back again, and then seek soldiers where you will. Tom. O then Paddy, how did you end tke matter ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, by the nights of shaint Patrick and help of my brogues, J both ended it, and mended it, for the next night before that, I gave them leg bail foi my fidelity, and went about the country a fortune-teller, dumb and deaf as I was not. Tom. How old was vou Paddy when you was a soldiei last ? Teag. Arra, dear honey, I was three dozen all but two, and it is only two years since, so I want only foui years of three dozen yet, and when I live six dozen more, I'll be older than I am, I'll warrant you. Tom. O but Paddy, by your account, you are three dozen of years old already. Teag. O what for a big fool are you now Tom, when you count the years I lay sick; which time I count no time at all. A N E W C A T E C H I S M , &c. Tom. OF all the opinions professed in religion tell me now, Paddy, of what profession art thou P Teag. Arra, dear shoy, my religion was too weighty a matter to carry out of mine own country: I was afraid that you English Presbyterians should pluck it away from me. Tom. What, Paddy, was your religion «uch a load that you could not carry it along with you ? Teaq* Yes, that it was, but I carried it always about With me when at home my sweet cross upon my deai breast, bonnd to my dear button hole. �21 Tom. and what manner of worship viid you perform by that ? Teag. Why I adored the cross, the pope, and the priest, cursed Oliver as black as crow, and swears myself a cut throat against all Protestants and church of Englandmen. Tom. And what is the matter but you would be a church of Englandman, or a Scotch Presbyterian yourself, Paddy ? Teag. Because it is unnatural for an Irishman: but had shaint Patrick been a Presbyterian, I had been the same. Tom. And for what reason would you be a Presby* terian then, Paddy? Teag. Because they have liberty to eat flesh in lent* and every thing that's fit for the belly. * Tom. What, Paddy, are you such a lover of flesh that you would change your profession for it ? Teag. O yes, that's what I would, I love flesh of all kinds, sheep's beef, swine's mutton, hare's flesh, and hen's venison; but our religion is one of the hungriest in all the world, ah J but it makes my teeth to weep, and my belly to water, when I see the Scotch Presbyterians, and English churchmen, in time of lent, feeding upon bulls' bastards, and sheep's young children. Tom. Why Paddy, do you say the bull is a fornicator and gets bastards ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I never saw the cow and her husband all the days of my life, nor before I was born, going to the church to be married, and what then can his sons and daughters be but bastards ? Tom. What reward will you get when you are dead, for punishing your belly so while you are alive ? Teag. By shaint Patrick I'll live like a king when I'm dead, for I will neither pay for meat nor drink. Tom. What, Paddy, do you think that you are fcc come alive again when you are dead ? Teag. O yes, we that are true Roman Catholicswill live a long time after we are dead; when we d» �m k lore with the Priests, and the good people of em profession. Tom. And what assurance can your priest give von of that? Tmg. Arra, dear shoy, our priest is a great shaint, a good shoul, who can repeat a pater-noster and Ave Maria, which will fright the very horned devil himself, and make him run for it, until he be like to fall and break his neck. Tom. And what does he give you when you are dying that makes you come alive again ? rTeag. Why he writes a letter upon our tongues, sealed with a wafer, gives us a sacrament in our mouth, with a pardon, and direction in our right hand, who to call for at the ports of Purgatory. Tom. And what money design you to give the priest for your pardon ? Teag. Dear shoy 1 wish I had first the money he would take for it, I would rather drink it myself, and then give him both my bill and my honest word, payable in the other world. Tom. And how then are you to get a passage to the other world, or who is to carry you there ? Teag. 0 my dear shoy, Tom, you know nothing of the matter: for when I dies they will bury my body, flesh, blood, dirt, and bones, only my skin will be blown up full of wind and spirit, my dear shoul I mean; and then I will be blown over to the other world on the wings of the wind ; and after that I'll never be lolled, hanged nor drowned, nor yet die in my bed, for when hxiy hits rne a blow, my new body will play buff upon it Lke a bladder. Tom. But what way will you go to the new world, or where is it P Teag. Arra, dear shoy, the-priest knows where it is but I do not, but the Pope of Rome keeps the outerport, shaint Patrick the inner-port, and gives us a direction of the way to shaint Patrick's palace, which sstands �m th* head of the SfcaHan loch, where Pi) have rs© mere to ito but chap at the gate, Tom. What is the need for chapping at the gate, is it not always open ? Teag. Dear shoy, you know little about it, for there is none can enter but red hot Irishmen, for when I call Alieh'eu, dear honey, shaint Patrick countenance your own dear countryman if you will, then the gates will be opened directly for me, for lie knows and loves an Irishman's voice, as he loves his own heart. Tom. And what entertainment will you get when you are in ? Teag. 0 my dear, we are all kept there untill a general review, which is commonly once in the week; and then we are drawn up like as many young recruits, and all the blackgaurd scoundrels is pict out of the ranks, and one half of them is sent away to the Elysian fields, to curry the weeds from among the potatoes, the other half of them to the River sticks, to catch fishes for shaint Patricks table, and them that is owing the priests any money is put in the black-hole, and then given to the hands of a great black bitch of a de?il, which is keeped for a hangman, who whips them up and down the smoky dungeon every morning for six months. Toift, Well Paddy, are you to do as much justice to a Protestant as a Papist ? Teag. 0 my dear shoy, the most justice we are commanded to do a Protestant, is to whip and torment them until, they confess themselves in the Romish faith ; and then cut their throats that they may die believers. Tom. What business do you follow after at present ? Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I am a mountain sailor and my supplication is as follows. PADDY'S HUMBLE PETITION, OR SUPPLICATION. Christian people, behold me a man ! who has com'd through a world of wonders, a hell full of hardships, dangers by sea, and dangers by land, and yet I am alive; you may see my hand crooked like a fowl's foot, and GOOD �that is no wonder at all considering my sufferings and sorrows. Oh! oh ! oh ! good people. I was a man in my time who had plenty of the gold, plenty of the silver, plenty of the clothes, plenty of the butter, the beer, beef, and biscuit. And now I have nothing: being taken by the Turks and relieved by the Spaniards, lay sixty-six days at the siege of Gibralter, and got nothing to eat but sea wreck and raw mussels ; put to sea for our safety, cast upon the Barbarian coast, among the wicked Algerines, where we were taken and tied with tugs and tadders, horse-locks, and cow-chains: then cut and castcate yard and testicle quite away, put in your hand and feel how every female's made smooth by the sheer bone, where nothing is to be seen but what is natural. Then made our escape to the desart wild wilderness of Arabia; where we lived among the wild asses, upon wind, sand, and sapless ling. Afterwards put to sea in the hull of an old house, where we were tossed above and below the clouds, being driven through thickets and groves by fierce, coarse, calm, and contrary winds: at last, was cast upon Salisbury plains, where our vessel was dashed to pieces against a cabbage stock. And now my humble petition to you, good Christian people is, for one hundred of your beef, one hundred of your butter, another of your cheese, a cask of your biscuit, a tun of your beer, a keg of your rum, with a pipe of your wine, a lump of your gold, a piece of your silver, a few of your half-pence or farthings, a waught of your butter-milk, a pair of your old breeches, stockings, m shoes, even a chaw of tobacco for charity's sake. � Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Full .pdf reproduction of the item. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Woodcut 001: Title-page illustration of a young farmer sharpening a scythe in a field. Document A resource containing textual data. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre text. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Comical Sayings of Paddy From Cork, with his Coat Buttoned Behind. Being An Elegant Conference Between English Tom and Irish Teague; With Paddy's Catechism, And his Suplication when a Mountain Sailor. Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1850? per National Library of Scotland Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context <a href="https://ocul-gue.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01OCUL_GUE/mrqn4e/alma9934228423505154">s0585b37</a> Extent The size or duration of the resource. 24 pages 16 cm Is Referenced By A related resource that references, cites, or otherwise points to the described resource. <p><span>University of Glasgow Union Catalogue of Scottish Chapbooks </span></p> <p><a href="http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/"><span>http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/chapbooks/search/</span></a></p> Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource In the public domain; For high quality reproductions, contact Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph. libaspc@uoguelph.ca, 519-824-4120, Ext. 53413 Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource JPEGs and PDF derived from master file, which was scanned from the original book in 24-bit color at 600 dpi in TIFF format using an Epson Expression 10000XL scanner. Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Archival and Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario, Canada Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Subject The topic of the resource Chapbooks - Scotland - Glasgow Travel Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Archival & Special Collections, University of Guelph Library, Guelph, Ontario Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Cork, Ireland Type The nature or genre of the resource wit & humor Description An account of the resource Woodcut #01: Illustration on title-page of a young farmer sharpening a scythe in a field. # of Woodcuts: 1 Bib Context: title-page Chapbook Date: 1841-1850 Chapbook Genre: ballads & songs Chapbook Genre: wit & humor Chapbook Publisher - Glasgow: Printed for the Booksellers Fashion (Clothing): bonnet Fashion (Clothing): jacket Fashion (Clothing): pants Fashion (Clothing): working class Gender: man/men Occupation: farmer Outdoor Scene Tools: scythe(s)